Unforgiveable Acts

My story begins in the form of a unique and dedicated man of purpose. His purpose, no one really knew not even himself, which is understandable given his situation. You see, being a man of purpose it was extraordinary that his concentration was faltered by the sight of a young tear stained woman. She to was a person of purpose, and as it turns out some purposes can seem all to similar in nature…

The tall, determined man stood at the intersection of Main Street, Middleton Nebraska. The town itself was the second smallest of three consecutive towns in this backwoods area of Nebraska. Twenty miles to its right was the ever growing town of Moulder, and eighteen miles to its left was the stoic and silent Farmsville. Sisters they were, all of them striving to become prosperous and self sufficient in their own way.

As for the man, he wore a white dress shirt and black work pants, both caked with mud that had probably come from one of the many river beds in the county. This, however, was not an unnatural sight in Middleton, many of its residents wore similar varieties of dirt and soil as they trudged through their ordinary rural lives. As for the clothes he was wearing… well that could be easily explained by Gruff, the town’s only bar owner/tender. Whenever a paying customer passed out stone drunk in his bar, he would have them tossed into the river bed to sober them up a bit.

Of this man’s quest, none in the world would have known. Not even, that is, for the young sobbing woman that caught this man’s eye. She sat on a park bench facing away from him, oblivious to the fact that her sobs had now been heard and considered by the man’s approaching figure. When he became close enough he noticed what the young woman had been crying over. In her lap laid a paper and a pen; a note he guessed to one she dearly loved. As his eyes began to wander else where she resumed writing. He slowly and carefully read each word she wrote.

Dear Tom,

I’m afraid they’ll find the body soon, so that’s why I’m leaving. I’m afraid… not so much that we are caught… but that I feel him again. My body is chilling in the way it had back before…. before we ended it. It only used to happen when he was drunk or mad at me. My God Tom! It’s as if he still wants to hurt me even though he is dead.

I remember how bad he hurt me after I dropped one of his mother’s old dinner plates when he was yelling at me. He put me in the hospital that night Tom. I had to walk with a crutch for several weeks while he told stories about what had happened to me to our neighbors. Whenever he would be talking to them he would glance at me in a way a wolf looks at a defenseless animal. He scared me Tom. And he still does.

He would force me to make love to him when he came home from work stinking of alcohol. Afterwards he would whisper threats into my ears, saying that if I ever fought him, that he would make good sure I would never do it again. When I finally became pregnant in the winter of ‘96, he threw me down the stair case. As I laid there bleeding from the inside out he told me to be more careful with the birth control pills, and to call the ambulance to pick me up while he went out to Middleton to get a few drinks. I told the hospital staff that I had tripped on one of the stairs and fell down. I was told that I was lucky enough to get out with a few broken bones, but that the baby wasn’t.

The only freedom I ever had during my life with him seemed to be when I met you. Although we were only able to see each other at most two nights a week, it was still enough to keep me sane. But Tom… he knew… some how he had found out about us. The night I had gotten back to the house after dinner with you he was waiting for me. He had waited till I had locked the door to make his presence known to me. Then he smiled the horrible smile of his and took off his belt. He beat off and on for nearly two hours, and if I screamed he would hit me harder.

It was two weeks later when you visited me in the hospital that we resolved to end it. The first blow with the hammer broke his back, but it was the second and third that killed him I think. We did a good job cleaning up the mess…. all the blood and gore… it still makes me sick even thinking about it. But Tom, when we buried his body on the river bed we hadn’t accounted for the massive amounts of rain we’ve gotten recently. I had a horrible dream about the body last night… so I went down to the spot this morning to see if he was still there…….. Tom it was gone….the mound …. Everything was gone… washed away by all the flooding. It is only a matter of time now so I have to go. I have a plane ticket to go down to Florida. When I get an apartment down there I will write you another letter along with some cash so we can both be together again.

Love you and be careful,

Linda

When the young woman finally put the pen down again she reread what she had written. She was scared, good and scared. For she knew much more than what she wrote about what she saw that morning. Such as the hole where they had entered her husband’s body into the earth, or the single set of footprints that led away from the makeshift grave. Worse yet was the feeling that she had only felt when in the presence of her husband whenever she was in trouble. With that knowledge as firmly set into her subconscious (as the sledge hammer blows had been into her ex-husband’s body) , her face; of course, turned pale white when the man answered her last written thoughts with…

“ Hello Linda. Have you missed me.”

Author notes

Thou shalt not kill. We reep what we sew. What do you think the moral is...

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 20 of 20
  • Decadent Anomaly
    October 3, 2007
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    Disturbing and twisted. Very nicely done. You conveyed her terror of her husband very well.


  • Andy Stephenson gold member
    September 12, 2007
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    Hmm

    I guess the moral would be, "Be certain you kill 'em good when you kill 'em." It sounds like the guy deserved it. What was going to happen to the woman? Was her husband going to get revenge? Thanks for entering the contest.

    Andy


  • EmeraldDreams
    August 24, 2007

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    I love a tale with a good twist, and this was certainly one of them! Great use of suspense throughout, and a nice way to leave it, with threat hanging in the air, but no detail given. It leaves you wondering what happens next! Great story!


  • Prodigious.Mirth
    August 16, 2007
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    loved it through and through- so twisted

    beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.


  • Delfishie
    April 21, 2007

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    mmmm

    I like the twist ending. I honestly didn't expect that (although, looking back on all the clues you left at the beginning of the story, I should have guessed).

    Honestly, the most disturbing thing about this story is your author's note at the end. It made it seem like you felt she should have stayed with her abusive husband until he killed her (which is something that I really hope I misinterpreted? Sorry if I'm being dense!)

    I really liked the almost flowery language you used to describe this tale. It was really effective.

    One note of criticism:

    There were many places where the punctuation was a bit off-putting. Like your second sentence:

    "His purpose, no one really knew not even himself, which is understandable given his situation."

    This was a bit hard to understand. Perhaps if you ever rewrite this piece you could alter it a little?

    I enjoyed reading this. I especially enjoyed how utterly creeped out it made me. This is a rare thing, so you totally kick ass for accomplishing a truly affecting story.


  • On.Cue
    April 13, 2007

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    Hmm, creative telling a story thorugh a note. But it's a tad unrealistic that she'd let a stranger read it. Anybryars, good job with this.


  • illegalfairy
    April 12, 2007

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    This was really good. I loved the twist at the end where he is still alive. Its chilling to read the descriptions of what he had done to her. Great job and thank you for entering the contest.


  • LostShadow silver member
    April 7, 2007
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    Very good. Great detail and description.

    Good luck in the contest.

    Em


  • robert davidson
    April 4, 2007

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    good

    A woman believes she has killed her cruel husband. Spine-chilling as she relates it all to her lover. But unbelievable that the husband should be still alive at the end.

    Robert Davidson.


  • KingWolf
    March 30, 2007
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    Wouldn't want to be in her shoes, or at least without her hammer. I was quite surprised by the fact that he was still alive and kicking and his final words are not something I would want to here if I had thought I had murder someone. A fitting tale to a chilling ending. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • Chemical Imbalance silver member
    March 27, 2007

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    This was an interesting story with good detail, description and imagery. The ending was a nice touch. Thanks for enterting the contest and good luck!


  • Token Massacre silver member
    March 27, 2007

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    The repetitiveness of the first paragraph detracts from your story. I'm wondering if you could reword this to use "purpose" a little less and still keep the meaning.

    I'm not entirely sure of the meaning behind the second paragraph and its impact on the 'determined man'

    you use repetitive sentencing throughout the letter which since it's to someone, works much like dialogue so it's not a bad thing. One thing I noticed though is you forgot a word...
    He beat off and on for nearly two hours, and if I screamed he would hit me harder.

    should be "He beat me off and on for nearly two hours, and if I screamed he would hit me harder. "


    I like the ending although if they blugeoned him with a hammer chances are he wouldn't have survived.

    Interesting story good luck in the contest.


  • Gbanger
    March 21, 2007
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    Intriguing

    I adored this. The whole mood and setting was perfect. I loved the ending it just seemed so uncomplicated on a way even though the situation described would be horribly complicated!
    A great piece of work overall.

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 4.


  • Golden Guardian
    March 6, 2007
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    Huh. Interesting ending. I should say it was predictable, but I didn't see it coming. If that was your intention, well done, though if I were a little more awake, perhaps your descriptions of the man at the beginning would have given it away. An intriguing thought. Thank you for sharing.
    -Lyneun


  • kelseyo
    February 26, 2007
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    Bum bum bum. The plot thickens. Great job. Good luck in my contest.
    xoxo
    Kelsey

  • LSGChrissy
    February 22, 2007

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    Awesome!!

    Wow, I got to the second to last paragraph and started wondering how the heck you were going to end it. That was so good!! I want more, lol!

    beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • LSGChrissy
    February 22, 2007
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    last sentence, first paragraph: to should be too


  • Taylor Renee
    February 10, 2007

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    this was a great job and, forgive me i hate doing mean comments!, i thought it was a teeny weeny bit unrealistic with the fact that she had put everything into a note that ne1 could read. but it explained everything well and scared me and I NEED TO KNO WHATS GONNA HAPPEN!! lol great job with this. i rly wanna kno whats gonna happen!
    tay

  • Andy Stephenson gold member
    January 26, 2007
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    A little confused.

    I was a little confused. In the beginning you mention two men, but I was unclear which was which. You refer to sisters, are these the cities? At the end, was it her husband who said hello? Did he survive?

    Thanks for entering my contest.

    Andy


  • beezy92
    January 25, 2007
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    you

    gave me shivers good job

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