One last look at life.

Outline of plot:

The story starts off , where kaylie, a teenage girl struggling with depression for a few years has just commited suicide, as she lays dying on her bedroom floor she wonders how this all started all her depression. The rest of the story are memories of kaylies life that made her come to her decission to kill herself. Kaylie Struggles everything family problems, alchohol, boyfrineds, friends and especially herself, she refuses to accept what she see's in the mirror. p.s this is is part 1 of many, the sotry dosnt end here if u want more just contact me.

The Suicide

There used to be a time of innocence and happiness when hearts were pure and lives were light love was magical the world was colourful but time goes on people change darkness haunts her rage kills her. Her heart tinted by the cruel world she hides her scars from the day but the wounds reopen at night she walks alone in the rain crying when no one knows, hurting when no one cares she smiles to wash away their doubt she grins to throw away their concern she hides in the shadows spilling tears in the rain.

Every night she sits in her bed a sharp little knife held in her hand she doesn’t like what she does but it’s the only thing that makes her feel. the colour of blood she distaste so much yet its so addictive, like sweets and drugs finally day by day, darkness feeding off her falling deeper and deeper into the unknown. The hurt in her heart she couldn’t handle the scorn in her head she couldn’t forget she lift up the dreadful knife the item in the world she hates the most as it pierces through her skin.

she watches as red flowed down her arm dripping softly onto the floor dripped and dripped, it echoed through her empty heart she felt as her heart stopped beating she took a last glance and she closed her eyes giving out a last sigh finally saying goodbye to the dark and cruel world oh how there used to be a time of innocence and happiness.

As she lay, Breathless, dying on the floor, she found herself wondering where this all began. Did she ever have a chance or was this a battle should would never win. When did she begin to hate herself so much? When did she become so empty and alone? Flashbacks of all the moments in her life that made her come to this irreversible decision to end her so called life forever filled her head.

The beginning

She sat in the dark, alone, as she did most nights. Too many thoughts constantly racing through her head, drowning her mind with pools of negativity. It was much better to be alone. Kaylie Lawson was now 13, no longer was the world one big playground, but it had now become this stage. A stage that kaylie had been pushed onto, unwillingly and unprepared. People watching and judging her every move. She just didn’t understand was she the only one feeling this lost? Was everyone prepared but her? She missed the days of kooties and playgrounds. She just wasn’t ready to let it all go.

Kaylie trying to sleep but kept awake by loud voices. Her sister and her mother were fighting; she never listened to the details. But kaylie always wondered what they could be fighting about, what did her sister have to complain about? Shanti, her older sister had it all, she was beautiful and not in that typical way, she had sandy long hair that was always perfect even when she just woke up, baby blue eyes that could light up the room and perfect skin that was lightly dusted over with a few freckles. Shanti was a natural beauty, she had the brains and the boy she had the whole package. Yet she was still complaining about something. Kaylie’s mother had always told her when she asked that shanty was just acting her age, winging for no reason came with that. It suddenly hit kaylie that she would now be that age. The age where you are no longer a cute innocent child but not yet a wise responsible adult, they call it adolescent but kaylie referred to it as hell.

The morning came, and with it came Kaylie’s new aspect on things, she never knew why but the light of the day made her more positive than the darkness of the night. Trying not to catch a glimpse of her mirror wardrobe to reveal what a state she was in, she reached in the wardrobe for her school uniform a daily reminder that all her friends could pull it off much better than her. She got dressed and dusted her face with beauty products. Kaylie was off to school, to forget about the kaylie she was when she was alone, but to be this smiling school girl her friends knew her as. Had this been what started it all? That life suddenly became a competition that she had no shot at winning. At school you had to be the prettiest to get the boys, the smartest to get the marks and the coolest to get the friends but kaylie was none of these things. Was this what started the downward spiral that kaylie fell into, was it this competition that she didn’t sign into that would change her life forever. Kaylies mind was drowning again, at the thought of such an insignificant thing started this battle with her self. But kaylie soon realized, at the time that battle was fierce, as fierce as the ones she had been fighting ever since.

Partying became a major part in Kaylie’s life, alcohol, friends, boys and music was the ultimate night. Kaylie had her first kiss at 12, she didn’t really like the boy, she just didn’t want to be left behind, and so she kissed him. It wasn’t such a big deal to her, she didn’t like it, but she liked knowing she had done it and that it was over. It wasn’t till now that just kissing wasn’t enough. Kaylie and her friends Roshay, Layne, Tessa and Cammi were all at this party, it was at roshays house. Roshay was new to the group of friends the other four had known each other for years , she was out there , hadn’t always been that way something about being friends with us changed her. The party was filled with older guys; they were roshays sister’s friends. Roshay got some alcohol off her older sister and shared it around with the rest of the girls.

“Oi how random look who just showed up.” Layne stated as Jim and Chris walked through the front gate.

“Fuck, They weren’t invited my sister is going to click it.” Roshay spent the rest of the night trying to get them out. Jim was hot; Kaylie didn’t even bother to try to talk to him. She began a conversation with Layne about how drunken Tessa had become, and then interrupted James.

“Hey, HA! Roshay is going to click it soon I think we better split aye.”

Layne spoke, knowing Kaylie wouldn’t.

“She’ll get over it just don’t draw to much attention to yourself.”

“True, well have fun.” Hinted Jim to try and get Layne to leave the group. Kaylie was getting nervous, she wasn’t shy she was just so self conscious and doubted any one would want to talk to her especially not Jim.

“Hey im Jim, why you standing alone where's your boyfriend?”

Kaylie knowing at the time that Jim was sly and knew she didn’t have a boyfriend ,kaylie knew that he was just being a sleaze, but the fact that he actually wanted to get with her over took the fact that he just wanted that.

It was now late into the night; Roshay was still trying to find Jim, who kaylie was hiding under the house with. Tessa had become so drunk she vomited and passed out on Roshays bed. Roshay was in a fight with her sister about there being so many uninvited people. Kaylie and Jim over heard this and decided to go to the park out the front of her house. Jim continued to sweet talk kaylie who was highly intoxicated at the time , just kept on taking it in , she had never had anyone speak to her like this , he was a stranger , but she was a teenager. The combination of her age and the alcohol made her give into this boy. Kaylie never spoke to Jim again, but she did not feel used, she did not like him, she did not need him, she just however wanted to be wanted and for that night she was, so she refused to regret it, at least for the time being.

This Partying thing continued for a while with Kaylie. Getting drunken kissing boys but never anything more, she learned from her prior experience. She watched as her friends began to like a certain boy and instantly the boy liked them back. Kaylie did not have this luxury. As more and more of her friends went through boyfriends like under wear, Kaylie was filled with jealousy. She wanted a boyfriend, she knew it wouldn’t last and that it was almost pointless to have one, but she never the less wanted one. Every boy she liked was a new painting for the canvas only this time the paintbrush was a razor and the canvas was her wrist. The first time Kaylie cut her self will stay with her forever, like a drug addict will always remember their first time. IT was in her bathroom, she found herself on the floor curled up crying, she can’t even remember why. She drew up a bath, hoping it would ease the pain. Whilst searching for things to fill the bath with she came across a razor. Not the ones she used on her legs, but the square ones for men. She never even thought about doing it before, she had seen it on movies and thought the girls were stupid to cause so much pain unto themselves. It wasn’t until now that she realized, Feeling something was better than feeling nothing at all. She was too young to be such an empty girl. That night a part of her died, as she slid that razor across her wrist for the first time, she finally stopped crying. She felt like for the first time in a long time that she was doing something right. If only she knew what she stared that night.

When Kaylie awoke the next morning she felt no different, she felt the same as she did each morning, refreshed like nothing before that moment had happened. Until she steps out of bed and see’s herself, which is when she is reminded of the life she has been given. This is when she looks down at her wrists to see the damage that’s she had cause. She looked into the mirror at her reflection and smiled. And at that moment she felt pleased that she caused so much pain to the person that was smiling back at her.