Angel On One Shoulder . . .

(a girl sits on the ground.)

GIRL: Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god. (in pain and/or turmoil, she continues muttering.)

DISORDER: (entering from offstage) What's wrong? Why are you crying?

GIRL: Please, my stomach hurts so bad. I'm so hungry, you have no idea. Please, can't I just eat something? Just a little bite of something, anything?

DISORDER: Oh, no you don't. Think how far you've come already! Hunger isn't your enemy, it's your friend. We love hunger. It's a sign that we have control. We're too strong to give in to food.

RECOVERY: (entering from offstage) Don't listen to her. You need food to live and you know it. Hunger isn’t your friend. It’s painful and it’s a sign that you need to eat. How many calories are you averaging a day? 400? 500?

GIRL: 250.

RECOVERY: That's not nearly enough to live off of. Do you know how much you need a day to maintain your weight? 2000. To maintain your weight. If you maintain weight at 2000 calories, you can lose weight by eating as many as 1900.

GIRL: 1900 calories is absolutely disgusting. I could never eat that much.

RECOVERY: You used to. Not that long ago.

DISORDER: Oh, yeah, you used to eat 1900 calories a day. Sometimes more. But you know what else was different back then? You were fat. You were a size 18. You had thighs the size of tree trunks and a stomach that could put any full-term pregnant woman to shame. So go ahead, eat 1900 calories a day. But you know all that weight will come back, and no one wants that.

GIRL: I don't want to gain the weight back, but I'm so hungry.

DISORDER: You've already had your 250 calories today. You can eat a little something, but don't forget to purge it. Remember - a moment on the lips, forever on the hips. And from the looks of it, you’ve had several moments on your lips over the years.

GIRL: God, stop torturing me!

RECOVERY: Come on, sweetie, it's okay. I can help you get better. I can make you well again. Do you really want to live the rest of your life afflicted with headaches, hunger pains, and blackouts? Look at yourself. You're pale, you're weak. You're severely anemic. All this just to be a size 2?

DISORDER: (to Recovery) See, once again you miss the point. You think this is just about being a size 2? Boy, are you wrong. It's about control. Being able to ignore the hunger and push the food away. Watching the numbers on the scale melt away and realize that it's all because you can control yourself. (to Girl) Are you really giving up on me? I’m ashamed of you. Think how far you've come. Look at all the progress you've made. And now you're going to throw it away because you're hungry. I guess you really are weak.

GIRL: I'm not weak!

DISORDER: Then prove it!

RECOVERY: Eating doesn't make you weak, starving yourself does! You're hiding behind this problem. What's REALLY going on, huh? Figure out what your real issue is so you can get help and move on!

DISORDER: Your problem is that you're a pathetic, lazy, fat slob who can't handle pressure.

GIRL: I'm not pathetic! Stop saying that!

DISORDER: Then by all means, go ahead and prove me wrong! Stand up and distance yourself from the food. Or, better yet, make the food. Stare at it. Study it. But don't eat it. If you can avoid the temptation, you will see how strong you can be. Remember, I can be your best friend if you let me. I'll make you thin, I'll give you control. But I can't do it alone. You need to do your part too.

GIRL: (stands up) I can do it. I know I can. I'm strong enough.

DISORDER: Then do it. Stop talking about it, and do it. Walk away from the food. Turn and walk away.

GIRL: (starts walking. legs give out and she collapses, but does not faint.)

RECOVERY: My god, do you need any more proof that you are out of control? The signs are right in front of you! You need help!

GIRL: I don't need help! I'm just fine on my own! What did food ever do for me? It made me fat, it made me miserable, it made me angry. I turned to food when I had nowhere else to go, and all it did was make my problems more unbearable. It never did anything for me, so why should I turn to it now?

RECOVERY: Because you're dying and you need food to live.

GIRL: (hesitant) No I’m not. I’m not dying. I’m nowhere near dying. If I was dying, I’d be in the hospital by now. No, you’re just trying to trick me. You want me to be fat. I don’t know why, but you want me to be fat.

RECOVERY: You are dying. You’re killing yourself. And you ask why you aren’t in the hospital? You should be. With all the damage you’ve done to yourself, you should be in the hospital. But somehow, you’ve managed to keep yourself out. But how much longer can you really, honestly keep this up? You’re getting weaker by the minute.

GIRL: (looking confused, bewildered) I’m not killing myself. I eat! I eat every day!

RECOVERY: Not enough to sustain yourself, especially with all the exercise you’ve been doing.

DISORDER: Oh, boo hoo, so our damaged teen heroine is a little weak in the knees. You know you’re doing well. Look at physical weakness as a good thing – it shows that you haven’t been distracted from your goal. How much weight have you lost? Almost 30 pounds? And I bet that feels fantastic, doesn’t it? Are you really ready to give that up?

GIRL: (pause) You know what? I am. I am ready. I’m ready to have a normal life, I’m ready to stop obsessing about calories and measurements and weight. I’m ready. (to Recovery) Point the way.

(Recovery points offstage.)

DISORDER: Wait! You can’t just walk away from me! I will haunt your very daydreams. You’ve started down that road before. You know it leads to second-guessing and ultimately relapse. You can’t get rid of me, I’m a part of you now. I live in you. Open your eyes, child! You think I started as a diet and then grew? Oh, no. I was always here. I may have been small, but I was here. You’ve always hated the way you look. And then you fed me, and helped me grow. I’m your baby. I was formed inside you. You can’t abandon your baby. And admit it, it feels good to starve. You like it. Hell, you could even go so far as to say you crave it. The rush you get from refusing a carrot. The high that goes hand-in-hand with arguing about your eating habits. Admit it. You need me. You can’t function without me.

GIRL: (hesitates) I don’t need you.

DISORDER: Oh, yeah? You don’t sound so sure about that.

RECOVERY: You DON’T need her! You don’t need to starve yourself. You’re beautiful already. You know everyone thinks so – your friends, your family . . .

DISORDER: Ahh, the family. Don’t you remember a certain relative of yours telling you that you needed to lose weight? And your friends . . . well, it’s their job to make you feel good about yourself, no matter how much they have to lie.

RECOVERY: They aren’t lying, sweetie, they love you. They see what’s going on with you and they want you to stop. They’re worried, they don’t want to lose you.

GIRL: I know it hurts them, and I’m sorry, but I can’t help it.

RECOVERY: You CAN help it! Just pick up your feet and carry yourself out that door. It’ll take you where you need to go.

DISORDER: Alright, whatever. Go. Try your hand at recovery. But trust me, I’ll always be there. Nagging at the back of your mind. I’ll never go away. And I will be waiting when you decide that you can’t handle the pressure of eating. I’ll be there, ready and waiting for the day when you need me. And together we’ll conquer your body.

(Girl looks back and forth at Disorder and Recovery, then starts towards the corner Recovery originally came from. when she is out, she collapses on the floor. she doesn’t move.)