Please Hold

I clutched my stomach as I fell to the ground.

I started to breathe faster, trying to keep my head, “Oh my god,” I moaned, “oh, god. Oh god!”

I gagged every time I moved. It was pure torture. It had been like this all day. I felt hot since, that was the first thing that I noticed this morning. No, I didn’t feel hot. I felt like my innards were boiling. I tried to breathe, only barely able to do so.

I wiped the sweat off my face as I took a pill. It went down hard, even with the glass of water that I chugged. It didn’t feel right that this should happen. I walked to my front door and looked out. A door before this and the sky would have looked beautiful, but today. Today was not beautiful at all. The blue was so bright that it pierced my eyes.

I walked over to my couch to lie down. I felt wheezy, which hadn’t really changed since I had gotten up, but now it was starting to get to me. I fell onto the couch without effort. I think I may have cracked the wood paneling underneath it. What had brought this on? Some bad food, maybe, or lack of sleep. Maybe it was the latest flu. I don’t know, and to be honest, I don’t want.

I hadn’t called a doctor. I don’t trust them. First off, they tend to be wrong, and second, they steal my money for being wrong. Plus, I knew enough about medicine to get around. The only time I would ever go to a doctor was to get them to give me prescription medicine, and I’ve only done that a few times. The thing I do like about them is that they’re very suggestible and completely believe me, which is not an all to common event.

I reached for the telephone. I figured that talking to someone might ease the pain a little bit. The only problem with that plan is that I had no idea who I should call. I didn’t really have any friends to speak of, and only a scarce amount of family, whom I really did not want to talk to. I tried to think of some of my old high school buddies and came up blank. Really, I hadn’t realized how unpopular I was until that point. I started tapping the buttons, hoping for some random combination of numbers that might lead to a great conversation.

I knew perfectly well, though, that it wasn’t going to happen. Nothing ever really worked out of me. I was used to it, but I did wish that just once it would work out. I just wished that once, something would go right. Today didn’t seem to be the day that would happen. Not being able to deal the fact that I couldn’t call anyone, I reached for the TV remote control. I turned it on, only to find a commercial for a CD. Country CD, no less. I said that nothing ever worked out for me. I was just about to flip the channel when all of sudden, a commercial for a ladder came on. The one my mom brought right before she died, the ladder that killed her. I was thinking of suing, but I realized that a 70-year-old lady shouldn’t have a ladder

I stayed on the channel for a little longer, loathing the ladder for taking away the one person who I might have had a nice conversation with. My dad had died years and years ago, so that was out of the question, and I was an only child. I sighed, as I was about to turn the TV, which wasn’t taking my mind off the pain, when the commercial advertised it’s number. Call 1-800-555-4231. I was very tempted at first, but I tried to talk myself out of it. I was becoming delirious, all I wanted was to talk to someone, anyone. I was very bad at talking people out of things

I picked up the phone the phone, and already I had forgotten the number. I closed my eyes to remember. Whatever I have, it apparently causes amnesia. ‘Aright,’ I thought ‘just think for a second. It had to begin with 1. 1, that’s a good start. Okay, then it must be 800. Or 888, one of the two. I’m going to go with 800. Then it’s 55…uh…5, I think. Then the last four numbers. I know it starts with 3, and end in a 1. And I think the other two numbers are 2 and 6. Close enough, anyways.’

I typed what I ‘remembered’ into the phone. It stared ringing, which was always a good sign. A recording picked up, which meant I wasn’t quite talking to someone yet, but only meant that I would be soon. ‘Welcome to the NDD, National Doctor’s Directory,” a female voice stated, “thank you for calling, someone will be with you shortly. You call will be answered in the order it was received. Please hold”

I couldn’t quite remember what I was calling for, this flu, or food poison, or what ever it was had that effect on me, but I do remember very well that I did not call for a doctor. I groaned, thinking that it might have been better if I hadn’t called, or called the country music CD instead.

I gagged as I tried to hold down whatever was coming up. I could feel it coming on. I knew that this was the end. I didn’t even run to get a bucket; I knew it would just be a waste of my time, strength and effort

‘So this is how I spend my last minutes alive,’ I thought, ‘listening to a woman tell me to hold for a stupid doctor I don’t want to talk to. Ironic that the last words I hear are, please hold’

I gave me a little pleasure knowing that my last action was disobeying doctor’s orders