The casual conqueror has no place in the world of war since every time he tries to forcefully accumulate some sort of land ownership he fails, seeing as his focus was not completely without any form of selfless thought. It was with this in mind that I ran down the dimly lit street and watched as the swirling ground swallowed up all extraneous objects in its proximity.
Clouds of every color and volume permeated my personal space as I wandered through a dense sheet of laminated atmosphere. What gave these clouds such fervent courage and for what logical purpose had they been created? Could they possibly harbor some unknown animosity towards me? Had they been sent to assist in my destruction?
Finding my way to the ghastly cemetery, I slipped on a patch of wet grass and was catapulted headfirst into the nearest tombstone. As the clouds began to close in, I noticed that the ground beneath me began to open up, revealing a vast and totally incomprehensible reality of a nature so completely alien as to be utterly shocking down to its atomic core. Endless rows of crystal diagrams were fitted perfectly into the watery crevices of innumerable organic gears, which rotated in a manner so absurd as to be conflicting with every known law of physical space! Bright flashes of what my limited human capacity can only describe as light flickered incessantly as all things tangible and intangible became intertwined in the ultimate sum of infinite possibility. A bird’s eye view of this entire process simultaneously existed along with several other obscure perspectives as I became all things in heaven and Earth.
Without the least bit of differentiation between the senses, I experienced a stimulating overload as I became hyper-aware of every potential abstraction. I became intimately knowledgeable as to the nature of existence as time ceased to carry any type of meaning, seeing as all existence and non-existence in its entirety had merged into a sort of state for which no language could ever possess a word to feasibly or semi-accurately describe. I was nothing and everything and so were you and you were me and I was you, but eventually I was returned to a more familiar and mundane mindset with every single piece of information which I had received in transmission still residing inside my infinitely expanded mind.
Without a doubt, this was the most intense event I had ever experienced, as the infinitely complex fabric of reality was exposed before my frightened and dazzled eyes. It is utterly impossible for me to pass on the precise details of what I experienced, seeing as it was transcendent of all human thought pattern and linguistic reasoning. All I can provide to you is the assurance that there is more to it all than initially meets the eye and you would be literally blown away if you could grasp even the most minute detail of the divine truth.
A recurring thought has since been permanently fastened to my mind. Life is love and all is one, or at least that is the most accurate and simple way of phrasing it, using the meager words of this highly inefficient language we call our own. Just know that I will always love you and all things as myself because the immeasurable truth is that there is no such thing as separation of any kind, since separation by its very nature is a vast delusion which was only previously believable. This I know, for I have witnessed all and have traveled infinitely forward and back, and as well I have traveled in a spherical expansion of unlimited extent through what I can only compare to your false and inferior concept of linear time. It may also interest you to know that what you refer to as death is equally as illusionary as this false curtain of our world.
Although I presented my best attempt, these words are exceedingly dull in contrast to the infinite truth of pure clarity and divine brightness, which leaves me with these meager parting words. All is.
A contest entry
- After the End by MischiefMayhemSoap.
388 points, ended July 6, 2007, 32 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Be a Storyteller by The Imagined.
400 points, ended January 22, 2007, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Something Different by Token Massacre.
525 points, ended January 27, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Extrasensory Perception (ESP, if you will) by La Maravilla.
275 points, ended February 17, 2007, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
very interesting
I like these first-person, observer-completely-flips-out-and-takes-the-reader-with-him stories, so it was an enjoyable read.
Really, it reminded me strongly of Lovecraft's writing, because he used stuck-inside-your-head sorta storytelling as well. Even while I was reading it, I kept thinking to myself, "where's cthulu? when will the tenticles start rising from beyond the grave?" Heh. And I don't even READ Lovecraft that much.
The basic bones plotting kinda confused me a bit. What brought on the revelations? He was in a graveyard, then...? I kinda missed out on that bit, I guess.
Oh. Bit of criticism: Your first sentence is WAY too long. I almost stopped reading at that because I lost track of what the thought was midway. Perhaps you could divide it into two sentences? Ease the reader in a bit?
Good job. -
Amazing
You have an interesting style of word usage, not for everyone, but it reminds me a bit of Edgar Allen Poe. Comples, well crafted and exquisitely descriptive. It goes deeply into the character's emotions and perceptions, almost an innocent bystander as the story progresses. It doesn't refer explicitly to the end of the world, but is well constructed.

-
I had no problem with the storytelling as I read. One of my top concerns when reading a story is if it flows well, or is awkward. Yours flowed well, bravo. My only concern was where you said you slipped on some wet grass and catapaulted...I can imagine slipping on wet grass and falling or stumbling but catapaulting...that's like flying through the air, like the grass pushed you. But I'm not really REALLY concerned about that, it's not really a big part of your story, which overall was very good and well written. I enjoyed it and good luck in my contest.
-
I loved the description in this but at times found the wording awkward. most people don't actually think things like "my limited human capacity".
With a little rewording it wouldn't sound as cold. interesting idea, I enjoyed reading it from beginning to end.
thanks for taking the time to enter my contest and good luck -
It's a little short in length, but the title pretty much balances it out, heh. I like this. It has detail, imagery. The vocabulary seems forced in a couple of places. Ex: "Without the least bit of differentiation between the senses, I experienced a stimulating overload as I became hyper-aware of every potential abstraction."
Errors aside, though, this is well-crafted, and the grammar and spelling are on track. Thank you for your entry. Good luck in the contest(s).
1 - 6 of 6





