Melinda went up to her room when she and Marissa got back into the house. She told Marissa that Karen had told her to clean it before she got home. Marissa smiled as Melinda ran up the stairs and closed the door to her bedroom. A tear rolled down her cheek as she thought of all that she had given up to be the success she was now. She shrugged away the feeling quickly, amazed that this one little girl was able to bring about emotions she hadn't felt in years.
Sighing, she lowered herself into a chair and opened a book that was on the coffee table. It turned out to be one of her favorites, a murder mystery called 'The Surgeon' by Tess Gerritsen. She opened the book and began to read, not even hearing the car pulling into the driveway and the door opening a few moments later.
"Whatcha reading?" a strange voice asked behind her.
Marissa jumped at the sound. Turning around she found herself staring into a pair of choclate brown eyes. She jumped out of the chair, throwing the book down and backed away, startled at the intrusion.
"Who are you?" Marissa asked.
"Now don't be frightened, missy, I'm no stranger to this house. In fact I should be asking you the same question, but I figure I pretty little lady like yourself couldn't be here for negative purposes."
"You didn't answer my question."
"And you didn't answer mine."
"Who are..."
"Uncle Jeffrey!!!" she heard Melinda call from the top of the stairs.
"Hey there Munchkin!" the man smiled, scooping her up as she ran down the stairs toward him. "Maybe you can help me out here little one, who is this gorgeous woman that you have staying with you?" he asked the girl, looking Marissa up and down.
"Oh, she's an old friend of Daddy's. Her name is Marissa and she's really nice. Much nicer than Auntie Karen."
"Really? Well, she is quite lovely, wouldn't you agree?"
"Huh?"
"She's pretty, beautiful...se..."
"Thank you for your compliments," Marissa said, cutting off the last word.
"Yeah, she is pretty, and smart too. She showed me a way to get rid of mice, without killing them like Auntie does."
"Did she now? Was it the way your daddy does it, with the peanut butter and the shoe box?"
"Uh huh. Well, it was nice to see you again Uncle Jeffrey, I have to go clean my room now. Bye bye!"
Melinda jumped out of his arms and ran back up the stairs, slamming her door and laughing all the way. Marissa looked over at the man named Jeffrey. He was tall, reddish- brown hair and deep brown eyes. She could tell, even from the baggy jacket he wore, that he worked out.
"I am sorry if I startled you," he said, smiling.
"It's fine. I had forgotten how common it is for people to just walk into houses here."
"Yes, well, I'm Jeffrey... Jeff, if you don't mind... Relkin, I'm good friends with Aiden."
"Marissa Sentile. Aiden and I were best friends when we were kids."
"I've heard a lot about you, but he never told me his old best friend was so hot."
"Yes... well..." she said, grasping for words.
"Is Aiden or Karen around? I need to talk to them about the house."
"No. Aiden wasn't home when I got up and Karen needed to get out of thte house for a little while. She probably went shopping. Is it anything I can help you with?"
"Not unless you know how to get rid of a few debts that could make the bank forclose on the house."
"What?"
"Aiden got into some pretty bad debt when Lara died. He stopped working, stopped paying bills, stopped... everything. When Karen came she forced him back to work, but then Tara, I don't know if you know her, got sick and the cycle started again. Now the bank want's to forclose."
"How long?"
"3 months, but it's not enough for him to do by himself. Even with other people's help, I just don't think that he'll be able to do it."
"How much?"
"A few hundred thousand, from what I've heard."
"Oh no."
"Listen, I don't want him to know I told his friend his problems. He's really private about stuff like this and I don't want him to think I broke his confidence."
"I won't, Jeff. I promise."
"Well, this was a heavy conversation for a first meeting. How about I make it up to and bring you out to dinner this evening? Just the two of us?"
"Um, well, I... I mean..."
"Great. I'll pick you up at 6. Dress nice."
With that he was gone and Marissa was left standing in a speechless stupor in the middle of the living room. She sat down, and, not knowing what else to do, continued reading. About 20 minutes later, Aiden came home.
"So," he said, as he came into the living room, "I hear you met Jeff today."
"Yes, he seemed like a nice person," she replied, nonchalantly.
"I also hear that you two will be going out tonight at 6?"
"He asked me. I never answered, he kind of just stated that he would pick me up at 6."
"Jeff can be like that. He advised me to tell you that he would appreciate it if you dressed up, as he is taking you to some fancy 5 star place in the city."
"What? Why? I don't have..."
"I'm sure you can find something. Maybe Karen has something for you to wear. Where is she?"
"She went to the store, she should be back soon."
"What time did she leave?"
"Around noon."
"Marissa, it's 4 o'clock. Karen never stays out at the store for that long."
"That's just what she told me. Maybe she got held up doing some other errand."
"Perhaps. Oh, I talked to Tara today. She told me to tell you that you can come visit her if you want but don't expect her to be nice, or even civil."
"Sounds like her."
"I'll take you to see her in an hour or so."
"That would be wonderful. Thank you, Aiden."
"You're welcome, Issa. Is Melinda upstairs?"
"Yes. She's cleaning her room."
"Alright. Well, I'm going to go see if I can get in touch with Karen. Talk to you in a bit."
With that, Aiden went up to his room, but couldn't escape fast enough for Marissa to notice the sadness that was in his eyes and the despair in his voice.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I thought this read really well but I'll have to message you after I've read the previous chapters. It had good use of diolouge, I was really in tune to the characters and the plot seemed well outlined. There was much description too, keep at it...it's great work!

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thank you
i'm hoping to expand it into a novel.. but right now its staying short chapters..hopefully when im done, i can work more on the characters and conflict
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