There once lived a young boy who had an enjoyment for music. He especialy liked watching through other's windows to see their TV's. Whenever they were watching an orchestra, that would be the window to go to. Every once in a while, however, they would look over and see him and scold him for watching without paying. He knew that once he was caught, the people who caught him would recognize him the next time. But he couldn't help it. He just HAD to watch the orchestra, and he definitely could not resist if the window was open and the volume was up, so that he could hear it.
Then one cold winter's night, he saw something he'd never seen before. There was a man he'd recognized. From where? Where? WHERE? Instantly he fell down. He thought he'd fainted, but was glad to discover, it was only a short stun. He had seen the man on TV! In the orchestra! In THE orchestra. He saw the man playing an instrument, his chin resting on it. A short stick slid over the strings. The man threw his head back and laughed. That was when the boy noticed there were others in the room. One, two, three children. Two boys and a girl. This man is safe, he thought, there are kids like me in the room. He must be safe. He snuck up under the windowsill and listened. Then he walked to the door cautiously. He reached his hand up and rang the bell. The man came to the door, and feeling the cold air, he invited the boy in. The violin was still in his hands.
"Hello, sir," said the boy.
"Hello. What is your name?" The man inquired.
"Thomas. Thomas Alexander Jamsmith." he replied.
"I'm Robert. You can call me Mr. Hutchison. What brings you here?" Robert asked.
"Well, I-I heard you playing, and I wanted to know what it was." Thomas answered.
"I see. Well, this is a violin. I was just playing for my children." On sudden thought, he asked, "Where do you come from?"
"From--Where I was born?" Thomas looked at his bare feet.
"Yes, Thomas. And where you are living now."
"I was born-in the street. And I-I, well you see sir, I live there too." A tear began to form in his eyes, "My mom died when I was being born-Dad said it was my fault-he hated me, so he left me alone. Then Mr.Lovni poor old man, took care of me since I was five. Taught me the life of the street, he did."
"What happened to him?"
"He died three years ago. Of hunger and weakness, I guess."
"I'm sorry. Come into my living room." Thomas followed, and came to the room. He suddenly felt the warmth of the fire hit his face. He looked out the window. Snowing.
"Children, this is Thomas. Thomas these are the twins-Nathan and Susan. And of course, Samuel." He motioned toward the three kids.
"How old are you?"
"Twelve, and I'll be thirteen next week."
"Really? Nate and Susie are going to be thirteen next month. Maybe we could have a double celebration," he thought and then corrected himself, "Triple. Triple celebration." He smiled.
"Mr. Hutchison, may I, well-"
"Go on, may you what?"
"Touch the vilon?" he ducked his head, a little embarrased at the request. Robert laughed.
"Of course you may touch the violin." he said with a smile, correcting Thomas. His cheeks turned red and he reached out his hand and touched it.
"I'm sorry to disturb you. I'll leave you now." He turned slowly, and then stopped and faced the family. "Thanks. Would it bother you if I slept under the window? I promise, I won't do any harm." He waited for a reply, and Mr. Hutchison hurried out of the room. He came back with a dark blue blanket and gave it to Thomas.
"Stay warm." He smiled, and Thomas walked slowly outside, and towards the window. He curled up in a ball, and for the first time in twelve years, fell asleep with a smile.
Author notes
Thanks Justin! This is Part one, for part two and three check out my author page!
Dedicated to Justin
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This was cute. A few awkward sentence structure here and there, but nothing big.
It's actually kind of sad in the end, though. I was hoping he was going to be invited to sleep inside. But if this is part one, then there's a part two! Haha. I look forward to reading more.
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I really like this, it is unique and told in an interesting way.
Some grammar issues mostly involving needing a comma rather than a period at the end of quotes. Ex. the violin," he said with a smile.
What is a short stun? Why would he have to pay to watch TV? Why did the man send him to sleep under the window? (Hopefully that one is answered in the next two pieces!)
One other thing, I found his dialog where he said the guy who helped him died from "hunger and weakness I guess" to not quite ring true to what a preteen would say.
Otherwise excellent, just something about it I liked a lot.
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This is a very nice story, one with a great deal of pathos working. Actually you have two themes going and it will be interesting to see which one you will choose to take the lead.
Would suggest: There --- boy who enjoyed music. He especially liked watching through windows of other people's homes to see their TVs." This way is a bit less awkward.
A short stun?
Why would he have to pay to watch TV?
"Mr. Lovni(,)(a) poor man"
I love your end, showing contentment. Some very nice storytelling.
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Absolutely wonderful story
Thank you very much for sharing this story. I will certainly be reading parts two and three ASAP. Are they posted yet? -
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they are on my author page. I will be posting them in the serious about reviews group in several days. thanks!
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This was a sweet story. Great job.
There were a couple punctuation errors, and a few of the sentences sounded a bit awkward, but other than this it was good.
Good job, once again.
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Enjoyed this
Hi, nice job, it reads well, just a few sugestions below...
There once lived a young boy who had an enjoyment for music. He especialy liked watching through other's windows to see their TV's. Whenever they were watching an orchestra, that would be the window to go to. Every once in a while, however, they would look over and see him and scold him for watching without paying. He knew that once he was caught, the people who caught him would recognize him the next time. But he couldn't help it. He just HAD to watch the orchestra, and he definitely could not resist if the window was open and the volume was up, so that he could hear it. (A young boy had a passion for music, he went by the name of Thomas. He could be often found peering through other people's windows watching their TV's. Every once in a while they would catch him watching their TV's without paying.(not sure why he'd have to pay, but understand why they wouldn't want them to look through there windows.) He knew once they caught him, he could no longer go to there house again. He just couldn't help himself he HAD to watch the orchestra, if he saw an open window and the sound of the music which he loved, then he would risk getting caught.)
Then one cold winter's night, he saw something he'd never seen before. There was a man he'd recognized. From where? Where? WHERE? Instantly he fell down. He thought he'd fainted, but was glad to discover, it was only a short stun. He had seen the man on TV! In the orchestra! In THE orchestra. He saw the man playing an instrument, his chin resting on it. A short stick slid over the strings. The man threw his head back and laughed. That was when the boy noticed there were others in the room. One, two, three children. Two boys and a girl. This man is safe, he thought, there are kids like me in the room. He must be safe. He snuck up under the windowsill and listened. Then he walked to the door cautiously. He reached his hand up and rang the bell. The man came to the door, and feeling the cold air, he invited the boy in. The violin was still in his hands.(Then one night, as the snow began to fall he saw something through one of the windows. Inside the house was a man, a man he recognised, but where from? Where? Where? Instantly he fell to his knees, for a moment he thought he'd fainted, only to glad to realise he hadn't. He peered through the window once again, he had seen this man, on one of the TV's through someone elses window. This man played in an orchestra, he saw through the window he had an instument, it resting under his chin. A short stick held in his other hand, which he pulled gently over the strings. As Thomas watched the man, he realised there were others in the room. Not just one or two but three children, two boys and a girl. In his heart he knew this man was safe, there are kids like me in there, he thought.(for me I put thoughts in italics.) He swallowed and walked to the front door, feeling the cold air, the man answered the door. The violin still in his hands.)
I-I heard you playing, and I wanted to know what (instument) it was." Thomas answered.
the violin." he said with a smile, correcting Thomas---what is he correcting here?
Sarah.
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thanks! He was correcting cause Thomas said the vilon, instead of the violin. He just said it incorrectly. Thanks for the suggestions! Will fix those soon.
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