creek story

A CAST OF CHARACTERS FOR THIS STORY

STAN- AN ENERGETIC, BOOK READING YOUTH

PATRICK- A CASUAL, MUSIC WRITING JUVENILE

OTIS ALBRECHT- THE 1ST OF 2 BROTHERS IN A FAMILY OF ODDITIES

SEBASTIAN ALBRECHT- THE 2ND OF 2 BROTHERS IN A FAMILY OF ODDITIES

GIGAN ALBRECHT- THE FATHER OF THE ALBRECHT FAMILY

CANDY ALBRECHT- THE MISSING SISTER OF THE 2 ALBRECHT BROTHERS

One day, two good friends decided to take a wholesome, educational trip to their local water source. The name of the water source was “Llagas Creek.” Isn’t that a nice name? Yes. As they were strolling along, a hideously odiferous odor came to their nostrils. “What is that godawfulful stench, Stan? It smells like a Cradle Of Filth™ concert was held nearby. Possibly two, maybe three nights ago.” Said the horrified Patrick. “That is the one thing I do not know, Patrick.” Said Stan, equally horrified. They kept walking in virtual silence1 until they reached their originally intended destination. Stan simply stared. Patrick simply coughed to the side with his hand over his mouth to avoid getting phlegm in the Creek. Stan noticed this and turned to his comrade in order to speak more properly. “Friend, you needn’t cough to the side with your hand over your mouth to avoid getting phlegm in the creek. Aptly put, this Creek is seriously mucked up!” Stan finished. “I could not concur more, Stan.” Agreed Patrick agreeably. “How do you suppose all this garbage got here, Patrick?” Spake Stan, picking up the conversation where Patrick had left it lying seconds ago. “This looks like a job for the Hardy Boys! But since they’re not here, and we’re not them, we will have to do something ourselves.” Spoke Patrick. “Perhaps we should research this dilemma.” Said Stan. “What a splendid idea, Stan! But I think that we should get some help for this particular project.” Said Patrick. “Why yes of course! What you mean is that while two boys have utterly no chance at possible legal affairs, eventual wilderness clean-up, and the probable smuggling operation/murder uncovering, perhaps four boys would be a bit more adept for that sort of situation?”2 Implied the now agitated Stan. “Why, yes Stan, you had pretty much read my mind as to that particular subject.” Responded Patrick. They both set off in their respective directions to achieve the location of the Albrecht Brother’s home. Upon arriving, they simultaneously rung the twin doorbells of the home of the brothers. After what seemed like four seconds, the large double doors were answered by the brother’s enormous father, Gigan.4 Gigan’s voice was deep like a moose at the bottom of a well. He himself had been a circus performer once. “WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU TWO BOYS TODAY?” He thundered. “Are your sons home today, sir?” Quavered Patrick. “WHY YES, THEY ARE. BUT THEIR SISTER IS NOT, I’M AFRAID.”5

“SHE WENT TO THE NEIGHBOR’S TO BORROW SOME THREAD FOR THIS BUTTON. FOR SEWING THIS BUTTON BACK ON. FOR FASTENING THIS ITEM OF CLOTHING THAT’S COME UNDONE. FOR THIS BALL GOWN NEEDED FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION. FOR THIS ORGANDY SOUFFLÉ SHIRRED WITH WAFFLE PIQUÉ. FOR THIS MAGENTA TAFFETA WITH YELLOW YOLK RIM. FOR THIS WATERMARK SILK SHOT WITH JET BEADS GATHERED INTO THE WASP-WAISTED BODICE OF BLACK MOIRE.”6 “Rrrrright....” Trailed off Stan. Anyway, Gigan said that of course his boys would be delighted to help them in their quest. Together, the four boys romped back to the creek to be met with an even worse smell than before. Sebastian almost fainted. They began to search about for the cause of all the pollution, all the while picking up garbage to throw away properly. They also began to discuss how this could have happened. The following is a narrative, SeSebastian, OOtis, Ststan, and Ppatrick.

J; Perhaps that chemical plant over yonder has something to do with this.

A; Nay, brother Sebastian, that plant is actually an old fish processing factory, and anyway, it is long since abandoned.

S; The stench is stronger over here.

P; Perhaps, the recent flooding could have caused this problem.

A; What does flooding have to do with the creek?

S; Dude! Haven’t you ever heard of recurring cycles?! The floods come in vicious circles and wash garbage from drains, gutters and other places, and unfortunately, it all ends up here with the flood water.

P; By Jove, Stan, I think you have just stumbled across the answer to our problem!

J; Not necessarily, Friend Patrick. There are other causes of pollution, such as lazy Creek visiting people who do not bother to clean up after themselves!

A; I agree whole-heartedly with my brother, not to mention, erosion, acid rain and many other horrors could have caused this terrible event.

S; But, Otis, don’t you think that acid rain would be an effect of pollution and not a cause?

P; Or maybe, it is that large garbage spewing object behind those exceptionally large bushes.

They all moved toward the object that had been spoken of. After clearing away the foliage, they found that it was in fact an incredibly large garbage truck that had crashed into a tree. Every five miutes or so, it would spit a chunk of heated waste coated in a thick, black slime. After making this rather disquieting discovery, the boys 1-4, headed towards their highly respected City Hall to report this event. The city council officials sent a crack team of sanitation workers to assist in the removal, dismantling and eventual destruction of the offensive device. The moral of the story is never pollute, litter, and/or crash defective prototype garbage trucks into creased trees. You must always respect the environment that you live in, as well as any other environment that you may visit. And never torment, steal or kill local or foreign wildlife, be it flora or fauna.1 I say virtual silence because there were sounds from the surrounding area that contributed to the thingy.

2 Patrick meant of course, the Albrecht brothers, Otis and Sebastian, both of whom Patrick and Stan were well aquatinted with. Over their lives, the brothers had been; circus clowns, tattoo artists, hell’s angels, barbers, ice cream vendors, tele marketers and seamstresses(male). They were large and good at labor and odd jobs.

4 That’s “gigan”, not jigan, or gijan or jijan, or whatever silly notion of what you thought his name sounded like.

5 The Albrecht sister, Candy, was apparently working a “job” in the city and no one of suburbian breed had seen her for several months. Her somewhat idiotic father thought she was still over at a neighbor’s house.

6 “the best things in life” by; Lenora Champagne.