Inner Ramblings VI

If anyone ever asks me again what the one thing in this world is that I hate the most, I will scream at the top of my lungs, right in their face.  Then I will calm down and try not to cry.1

The answer is death.2

It fucks with people’s lives, makes them need counseling, and makes me think I am going insane because I get these little flashes in my head of dead people after one of my friends dies.  3

My brain is screaming right now.  4

I’m beginning to think I created the land of the truly insane.  But then they say that people who think they are insane are the sane ones, and the ones who think they are sane are the insane ones that should be locked up ASAP.  This mixes me up because I know I am very smart indeed, so maybe I am performing an act of genuine reverse psychology on myself.  I think way too much.5

And the deep questions of life are really pissing me off lately.  I have a goddamn answer to everything.  When it cuts down to beliefs and religion and such, it’s just my opinion.  Someone can disagree with me, discredit me, and I can’t do a damn thing to disprove them.  What the hell is the meaning of life, anyway?  Should I care?  Is it something essential that everyone knows but no one is telling me?6

Death ruins families.  It scares the shit out of little kids.  It makes everyone cry.  It makes me cry in public.  I sit and whimper helplessly.  7

I finally figured it out.  My favorite song, I Hate Everything About You, describes the way I think of death.  Deathdeathdeathdeath.  My heart is screaming in harmony with my brain now.  8

My birthday is in two days, and I’m wondering what it would be like if I just died before then.  Not that I’m planning on it or anything, but with everything that’s happening in my life lately, my life rules pretty much just consist of  “whatever happens, happens.”9

I love myself, I hate death.  I must keep this straight.10