I step out of the shower. Still dripping wet, I put on a t-shirt that says ‘Continent of Ash’ and my blue boxer’s with the small hole on the waist band.
I walk out of the bathroom and into the front room. I switch on the TV and turn it to FUSE. I walk slowly to my dinning room table, the apartment is that big, but it’s my home. I sip at my coffee while I read the paper, then a knock at the door. It’s five in the morning, too early for my mother’s ranting. I open the door…
Nothing. It’s cold. Really, really fucking cold. I walk back into my house. My cell phone’s buzzing. I run to answer it. Unknown name, unknown number.
“Hmmmm….creepy.” I say to the emptiness of the room. I put the phone down and go to my bedroom. I have no idea why I walked into this room. Just felt…drawn? Yeah, that’s right, drawn. Like I needed to come here.
Another knock at the door. This time, there’s someone there. I can see him through the peep-hole. I wonder if he can see me. What is he think, if he can see me? ‘my god, what a failure.’? Is that it? Then it comes back to me: There’s a stranger standing on my front porch. Its 20 degrees outside. I open the door, but before I can say anything. He puts a gun in my face.
“What the-” and I feel the butt of the gun hit my head.
I don’t know how long I was out. But he’s sitting right in front of me. The package he had-did I mention he had a package? - is torn open. I assume that’s where he got the rope.
“Wh-wha-” it hurts to form words.
“What do I want?” he says, “Answer: nothing. Except your blood, all…over…me.” he says as he starts rubbing himself through his jeans.
I’ve got to admit, there’s something that turns me on about this, maybe being tied up or him being in control or maybe it’s the fact that he’s practically jacking off. Quickly I try to put those thoughts out of mind.
I readjust, or attempt to, in my seat.
“Listen, I-I have money. Just take it and leave. Please?” I beg. He raises his hand and touches my cheek, moving it slowly across, he runs his fingers over my lips. I pull my head away from his fingers.
He laughs. I guess I would too. After all, it is kinda of pitiful, trying to fight what’s going to happen. I AM going to die. And I don’t think it’s going to be an easy death.
Lost within my thoughts, I lose track of him. I hear something behind me. I feel something cold move down my spine. Then I feel it pierce my flesh, not too deep, but deep enough to draw blood. I can feel the warm liquid ooze down my back. The blades still in the wound, He shoves it in further. I realize I can’t feel my legs, and the pool of blood is getting bigger. It now encircles my chair. ‘God,’ I think, ‘that’s gonna be hell to get out of the carpet.’
He removes the blade from my back and places it to my wrist. Moving it, slow and deep, he cuts them. He walks around me so he’s facing me. He takes the knife and places it to my throat. In one quick, clean jerk he cuts.
I’m really pissed. How the hell am I supposed to get that stain out of the carpet?
He licks the blade clean. Then places he hands around my bleeding throat. He licks the left one and places the right one on his now erect member and begins to stroke. He finishes up, cumming all over my lap, his cum mixing with my blood. The leans in close and whispers in my ear
“You know, you taste…” a kiss on my cheek, I smell my blood on his lips, “just…like…strawberries.”
A contest entry
- Let's Play A Game... by roars-in-public.
413 points, ended April 22, 2007, 28 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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huh
I'm not sure what I think about this story. On the one hand, you do a really great job establishing the tension and building up the character's personality. I was hooked going into your story and there was no way that i was going to quit reading midway, so you did a great job at that.
On the other hand, your character lost all believability after the killer appeared. There was nothing indicated in his personality, prior to the attack, that would suggest he would get off on being murdered horribly by a stranger, or that he wouldn't feel any pain at all, instead focusing on how clean his carpets were. By this point, I just thought the character was turning annoyingly silly.
Still, I thought it was a really good build-up to the plot, and if you can change it so that there's foreshadowing towards the main characters masochistic/obsessive-compulsive behaviors with the killer, it would be so much more believable.
Argh. I don't want to end this review on a negative note. Um. Your writing technique is really good. The story flowed well. Keep writing! -
Yay!
Very cool, I say. I have a contest where something like this would fit extremely well...
I would say something about the very random randomn way in which the stranger just *appears* like that, but I won't - because this was cool. A perfect ending to a perfect day (night?) if I sez so myself. -
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thank you! it's s'posed to be early morning-ish.
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lol, I likes it. ^_^ The ending is just... chilling. It's friggin awesome.
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thank ju muchos...
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WARNING
THANKS CASSIE...lol. this story goes into GRAPHIC DETAILS. (blood, gore, torture...cum) you know, basic serial killer babble. WELL CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED... -
Creepy
Ok, I thought this was really funny, but kind of kreepy, but turned me one kind of, but still diturbing.
Ok, I thought this was really funny, but kind of kreepy, but turned me one kind of, but still diturbing.
Ok, I thought this was really funny, but kind of kreepy, but turned me one kind of, but still diturbing.
HHII!!!!!! -
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O.o
okay... a simple didnt like it, liked it...would've done. heh, turned ya on eh? lol, that's not usually a good thing. but thanks newho....
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