Beyond The Ideal (Chapter 2)

After Tony left, I was pretty much in a panic. I mean, he had to know I was gay from the way I kissed him back. As for why he kissed me in the first place, I couldn't tell if he did it because he was interested or because he wanted to find out for sure if I was gay. If it was the latter, I was scared of what he'd do with that knowledge now. What if he told my brother? Even worse, what if he told people at school?

Eventually I caught myself almost hyperventilating, and decided to do something to get my mind off of my worries for a while, so I changed into some shorts and went for a swim. The water was cool and refreshing, and the exercise helped distract me. I swam laps around the pool for about a half hour straight, then spent another hour just floating around, relaxing. It really did help. I was still worried about what might happen, but I felt kind of detached, as if whatever was gonna happen was inevitable anyways, so why not just face it with some composure?

When I finally got out of the pool, it was almost supper time, but I really didn't feel hungry at all, so I just went to my room and passed out on the bed for a while. Sometimes sleep really is the only thing that'll make you feel better.

I woke up to my brother calling my name out softly. I opened my eyes and looked at him; he had a concerned look on his face. I tried to figure out what he had to be worried about, then I actually looked at myself. I'd gone straight to bed wearing the shorts I'd been swimming in, the area where I was laying was all wet from my shorts, and I was sleeping at 7pm. I actually started to laugh at how ridiculous I must have looked to anyone walking in, and after a few seconds and a confused face Dave joined in too.

"So why're you in bed at this time?" he asked me, "this is the second day in a row now."

"The last two days have just been kinda rough okay, it's nothing to worry about," I reassured him, sitting up on my bed. He kept looking at me silently for a minute or so, and then he sat up abruptly.

"Get up, we're gonna spend the night hanging out okay? You have no choice," he stated, not really leaving any room for argument. He walked out of the room, so I followed him to his room, where he looked at my wet shorts, then walked over to one of his drawers and pulled out a pair of pajama pants. "Here, put these on for now, you can change in my bathroom if you're shy," he said, throwing them at me.

I walked towards the bathroom to take him up on his offer when I felt a hand grab hold of the back of my waistband and all of a sudden my shorts were down as my brother tugged them off of my legs. My face went beet red, and my brother sat there laughing, still holding the shorts. Finally I just ignored the fact that he could see parts of me he hadn't seen since we were little and pulled his pajama pants on. They were kind of loose on me, but they covered me up and they were warm, and that's all that mattered really.

"Nice package little guy," Dave said in some kind of falsetto that made me laugh even while I blushed even worse than before, "maybe you'll be as big as me one day."

"Yeah right micro-dick, you've got penis envy and you know it," I shot back, deciding to go with ridiculing him to lessen my slightly improving sense of embarassment. I just wasn't used to people seeing me naked. He laughed at my comeback, and then pulled his pajama pants down enough to reveal his own junk for a couple of seconds before covering up again.

"Ew, why'd you do that?" I asked, acting way more disgusted because it was funnier that way.

"It was just being fair buddy, I got to see yours didn't I?" He replied, winking at me. It was silly and immature, but I really did feel better after he did that. He moved over on his bed and patted a spot next to him, showing me that he expected me to sit there. I went over and sat down, and he turned on some TV, threw one arm around my shoulders and we sat there like that watching TV and shooting the proverbial shit for about 2 hours. Sometimes I remember why I love my brother so much, and that was one of those times.

Finally, I decided to get up and get something to eat. I was in the middle of making myself some pasta when the doorbell rang. I walked over to get it, and when I opened the door it was Tony standing there. I stood there not sure what to say, and right then Dave walked into the room, noticed Tony there and said "Hey man, you're back; Wanna come watch a movie downstairs with us?". I was torn between relief at not having to confront Tony about his kissing me, and frustration because I'd have to wait longer to find out why he'd done it.

I finished cooking my supper, ate it, and joined Tony and my brother in my brother's room, where they'd already started a movie. It was more crowded this time on the bed, and I was pushed to the edge of the bed, because Tony was squashed in the middle. Thankfully it was pretty dark in there, because about 10 minutes into the movie I felt Tony's arm pull me closer into him on the bed, and stay like that the rest of the time. Soon enough I felt him subtly grinding himself into my ass, his hand drifting down to my crotch. I didn't want to move because it felt good, and because then my brother'd see my reaction to what Tony was doing to me. It was nothing more than teasing, but it went on for at least 2 hours, and it was driving me crazy.

The movie finally finished, and I bolted for the bathroom. I sat down on the toilet seat and just tried to calm down for a few minutes, trying to think of a way to get Tony alone to talk to him. Just then I heard a knock on the door, and Tony walked in, closing the door behind him. I started trying to stammer out some bullshit to him about being confused and whatever, until he cut me off by pushing his lips onto mine for the second time that day. I just gave in and let it happen, enjoying the feeling, as he pulled me up against himself and ground himself right into me.

He started undoing his belt, and shoved his jeans and boxers down at the same time, revealing his more than ample endowment. I stood staring at him for a few seconds, barely believing he was pretty much naked in front of me until I felt his hand on my shoulder, gently urging me to my knees. I wasn't sure I wanted to do that right away, but he seemed so urgent, and he had me so excited already that I did it without complaint. Then I got my first taste of him, and it didn't take long for him to reach a pretty intense orgasm, judging by how vocal he was the whole time. I was sort of disappointed when he got dressed and walked out instead of returning the favor, but I figured he didn't want my brother wondering where we both were. It seemed logical enough to me, so I let it go.

I left them alone for the rest of the night and just sat around, playing on the computer and pretty much wasting time. At some point I heard footsteps outside my closed door, and a note slipped underneath the door into the light. I picked it up and it read 'Meet me at my house in an hour - T'. Now I was really excited. I threw a shirt on and an hour later was across the street, ringing his doorbell and hoping he answered the door. He opened the door, wearing a towel from his shower, and gestured for me to come in. Inside, it was more of the same, kissing, touching, and before I got him off again he told me he wanted to watch me get off looking at him, so I did. It was weird, but good at the same time. After the sex was done with for a while, we talked, and he told me how he had decided to find out if I was gay after he caught me looking at him a lot. It actually came off as a little conceited, but he Was gorgeous, so I figured he could get away with it.

This was the start of a 3 day secret affair. Every chance we got alone in my house, we'd run to a bathroom or empty room and mess around, or I'd go to his house later at night and spend a couple of hours. It wasn't really anything romantic, but I was kind of hoping for that eventually, and I was having a lot of fun. In school I'd meet him in the janitor's closet, or anywhere else we could hide. It felt dangerous and liberating.

Now, I say a 3 day affair, because after the third day things started to go sour really fast. See, every time we got together, it was always me taking care of him, and once in a while he'd watch me go solo. At first it was exciting, but it got old pretty fast because it seemed kind of unfair. Anyways, I figured Tony was a pretty understanding guy, so I brought it up to him.

"You want Me to do all the stuff you've been doing to me? Sorry pal, but that's not how things work here. I'm straight, and you're gay. You enjoy doing the stuff you've been doing because you like dick, and I let you do it because it feels good and I know you like it more than I do. So no more argument okay?" was the argument I got back from him, and I was floored. I knew he was a little conceited, but nothing like what I was hearing now. I decided then that I didn't like where things were going.

"Okay Tony, I understand, but I don't wanna keep doing this then if things aren't equal, I had fun while it lasted and all, but I think I'd rather look for a more permanent, equal relationship for now, okay?" I thought it sounded fair, but his face took on an ugly expression.

"I don't care who you date, but I like how things are going right now, and you're real convenient for me, so don't fuck shit up now man. Look, I don't care that you're a fag, but you were the one always perving on me in the first place, and when I do you a favor you have the nerve to act like you're too good?" he ranted, almost fuming at me. I couldn't even process how much the whole conversation was starting to sound like a cheesy cliche. I could feel the anger rising up in my chest at how he was talking to me, so I fired out with "Listen you ignorant asshole, I couldn't care less how it affects your ego that I don't feel like being your booty call anymore, I don't want to and that's that!". I didn't even see his fist move until I felt it hit my right cheek, and I looked at him in shock.

"That's that huh? Well then, I guess you won't mind your brother knowing all about how you came onto me all the time right? Or about all the times you begged me to let you suck my dick? He'll like that, I guarantee it," he mocked me, with this really ugly grin on his face. I felt terror in my guts at the idea of him telling my brother. And after my brother, who next? My whole school?

I'd like to say that I told him he could fuck himself, that I came out to everyone myself, and forgot all about that asshole. Instead, I begged him not to tell, and he fiddled with his belt, and it was back to the usual, only I was left with a sick feeling in my stomach, and when I got home I brushed my teeth until I noticed the blood dripping from the end of my toothbrush. It still held a pinkish hue after I rinsed it off, but I thought it seemed fitting considering the circumstances.