The Talking-Inanimate-Objects-On-Crack Story

"psh....all this rain is going to make my indsides rust" Fred complianed. The office manager had left him ouside on the patio, yet again. He often worked outside while eating his lunch, but today, it had begun to pour, randomly. The office manager simply ran inisde and left Fred outside, along with some other things required for the task. The stack of paper was  even left in Fred's mouth. "Well I can't go eating this paper forever. It tastes bad when it's wet." He released the paper, freeing his two shiny, silver teeth, of which Fred was very proud. He had the power to eject them into anything when he bit down, giving off a painful sting. Better yet, They grew back after being left behind in someone else's hide.
"Man, This weather sucks monkey balls." Fred jumped. Never had any of the other office supplies ever talked to him. He looked around for the source of the voice, finding a large, yello banana proped up on the railing. "That office manager has eaten all my friends, but he comes to me and runs away....do i smell funny?"
"Uh..." Was all Fred could say. It was true, the office manager always ate bananas. "I don't rightly know....whatever your name is."
"Chaquita." Said the banana, "Says so on m'name tag right here"
"Right." Fred thought it was an odd name. "Well if we don't get isnide, you're going to turn brown and the officer will never eat you, and I am going to rust."
"Uh huh..and how d'you propose we get inside? The door's shut." Chaquita informed him critically.
"We can help!" cried a number of tiny voices behind the two beings.
"And just who are you?" Fred turned to find a large amount of small jumping things. They looked fragile in his eyes, he could brake them with a jab of his teeth. How could they possibly help?
"We are called Ice" the small things replied in unison. "We may be weak alone, but meld us together and we could break down teh door!" They exclaimed excitedly.
"Ok...Ice" Chaquita began. "How do we meld you together?"
"Wait, wait, wait!" Fred stopped him. "You're going to trust a pile of jumping balls of frozen water?"
"Yes." Chaquita stated flatly.
"You, my friend, are insane." Fred jumped off the railing where he was left bny the office manager and hopped to the door, proceeding to bang on it and try to break it with his teeth.
"Forget him." Chaquita comforted the Ice. "He just thinks he's soooo cool with his shiny silver teeth."
"Right." One Ice said. "We can meld together ourselfs. So, stand back." The Ice began to throw themselves at the door, breaking into tiny bits. Fred laughed.
"Yes, yes. You guys are doing an amazing job withthat door" Fred chided.
"Well you're not doing much better." The last Ice replied angrily and threw himslef at the door. Fred laughed again. Then, to his amzement, the Ice melted into a huge puddle and then began to freeze together into a huge ice ball.
"I am the great and invincible Ice!" The ball exclaimed, "Nothing can stop me!" Fred shook. That was the scariest thing he had ever seen. Chaquita jumped off the table and hopped to the door.
"See? They CAN do it." He told Fred, though he too looked alittle shaken. Ice began to roll all the way back to the table, and then turned around and rolled toward the door, gaining momentum as he went.
CRASH!
Shattered glass was scattered about on the patio and the rain poured in through the hole. Fred jumped inside along with Chaquita, who quickly thanked the Ice. They were saved.