Scene 11
(A candlelit table in a restaurant. On SL side, Brian. Opposite him, Trixie, a pretty blonde. Brian is relaxed, laughing and enjoying himself. His hands gesture exaggeratedly for everything he says. Trixie looks tense, nervous.)2
BRIAN
...And he starts sobbing, yells out, “Why are you so sour?” at me. What’s that supposed to mean? Sour? I didn’t think he’d take it that harsh. But I’m just like, screw it, I’ve put up with this guy too long, no more Mr. Nice Guy. 3
(Brian begins to choke on a bite of apple. Trixie calmly steps around to his seat and performs a bored, routine Heimlich maneuver. The piece of apple is expelled and Brian continues talking as if nothing happened. He starts to toss the apple in the air. Trixie sits down.)4
BRIAN
And I just went all out: “nobody really likes you,” “they only gave you your job back because you were crying,” “I sleep with your girlfriend more than you do.” ...Maybe I went a little over the top. But his face...the face he made, I just couldn’t stop. It was hilarious.5
(Trixie gets up and shifts Brian’s chair about three feet as he throws the apple up. As she sits back down, there is a crash as a chandelier falls where Brian was just sitting. He doesn’t notice, but looks puzzled that the apple didn’t come down.)6
BRIAN
I’ll tell ya something Trix...the little bastard’s gonna go home and rethink his life.7
TRIXIE
(Quietly.)
He already did.8
BRIAN
Hmm?9
TRIXIE
He rethought his life and decided you were right, it wasn’t worth it.10
BRIAN
Oh.11
TRIXIE
Brian...he killed himself.12
BRIAN
(Beat.) Well that settles it. I’m breaking up with his girlfriend.13
TRIXIE
Brian!14
BRIAN
Don’t “Brian!” me, Trixie! You know what she’s gonna be like now? All clingy-needy-emotional. I hate the dependent types.15
TRIXIE
Brian, that’s not fair--16
BRIAN
And besides I only slept with her cause she was his girlfriend. Frankly, it took a lot of imagination to pretend she wasn’t repulsive.17
TRIXIE
Listen, Brian--18
BRIAN
Haha, did I ever tell you the fat chick story?19
TRIXIE
Yes. Brian, this is important.20
(Trixie stands up as a Waiter approaches with a cart. Spotting Brian, he angrily withdraws a skewer. Trixie steps between them. Brian doesn’t even turn around, continuing his tale. The Waiter attempts to stab Brian, but Trixie casually deflects his stabs with a platter.)21
BRIAN
Well see, she was fat. And she liked me. Cause--let’s face it--who doesn’t? Now I’m a nice guy. I tried to be subtle. Like when she’d say “I wish I wasn’t so fat,” I wouldn’t answer. Or I’d be all over some other chick while she was there watching. And then--did I ever tell you about the 15-year ol--never mind. Um. The fat chick. She--22
(Trixie, still fending off the Waiter as if it’s nothing, interrupts him.)23
TRIXIE
Brian? Have you been to this restaurant before?24
BRIAN
Shh shh, I was getting to that part. Oh man, I really pissed off this one waiter here...it was hilarious, he was yelling in French or whatever language those guys speak.25
(Trixie performs some sort of Vulcan Nerve Pinch on the [Italian] Waiter, and he falls unconscious onto the cart. She pushes the cart off-stage and sits down.)26
TRIXIE
Brian. We need. To talk.27
BRIAN
Lemme finish the fat chick story first. 28
TRIXIE
Brian.29
BRIAN
(Beat.) So she asked me to go to dinner with her this one time and I--30
TRIXIE
Brian, I’m leaving you.31
BRIAN
Thought about it, I mean I didn’t want to but--what?32
TRIXIE
I’m sorry.33
(Brian laughs.)34
BRIAN
What are you talking about? You can’t.35
(Trixie reaches across the table and clasps his hands.)36
TRIXIE
It’s not working out Brian.37
BRIAN
How can you say that? Look at me! Us.38
TRIXIE
You’ve changed.39
BRIAN
Baby...I only get better.40
TRIXIE
I have standards to maintain. Regulations. I keep hoping the old Brian will come back, but...you’ve been on probation for two years.41
BRIAN
Probation?!42
TRIXIE
Other people need me, and you...you’ve become a terrible person. You don’t care about anyone. You take life for granted. You sleep with...with everything!43
BRIAN
Only female everythings.44
TRIXIE
And now you’ve caused a suicide. I can’t be with you anymore.45
BRIAN
No, you can’t not be with me. You have to be with me.46
TRIXIE
No Brian. This is how it has to be.47
BRIAN
Why? Is there...? There’s someone else, isn’t there!48
TRIXIE
Please...don’t...49
(Brian stands up, knocking his chair back.)50
BRIAN
Oh my God. I don’t believe this. This happens to other people! People who aren’t, who aren’t...ME!51
TRIXIE
You never think about other people! That’s your problem! If you could start being compassionate and kind and good and loving I wouldn’t be leaving you for your broth--for... for...52
BRIAN
MY BROTHER?53
TRIXIE
It’s not my fault!54
BRIAN
MY BROTHER!55
TRIXIE
They chose him!56
BRIAN
You can’t leave me for him! That’s gotta be a cardinal sin, or, or something!57
TRIXIE
It’s not. He’s a good person, and now they assigned me to him.58
BRIAN
Forget about them, Trixie, I need you.59
TRIXIE
I’m being transferred. There’s nothing I can do.60
BRIAN
I’ll die without you!61
TRIXIE
No you won’t.62
BRIAN
I will!63
TRIXIE
No you...well, yes, you probably will. But if you’re careful...64
BRIAN
Trixie, don’t leave me! I...I love you!65
TRIXIE
Um. That’s...I’m a...66
BRIAN
Not like...I meant--67
TRIXIE
Goodbye Brian.68
(Trixie exits. Brian watches her leave, then sits down in his chair. He curls himself into a ball and looks around, suddenly paranoid.)69
BRIAN
She’s gone. I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. I’m gonna--70
(A stranger appears in a cloud of smoke. He has long, lustrous hair, a beard, and a red pinstripe suit. He gracefully takes Trixie’s seat.)71
SATAN
Now here is a man who looks to be in need of my services. And a good strong drink.72
(He produces a glass of red smoking liquid from his pocket and offers it to Brian. Brian looks at it suspiciously. Every time the stranger mentions “above,” he gestures upward scornfully.)73
BRIAN
Something tells me I shouldn’t drink anything that smokes...do I know you?74
SATAN
Actually...the smoke is just a dramatic flare. One of the stipulations from “above”...everything’s gotta be free will here. No mind-numbing zombie drinks. Hell, this isn’t even alcoholic. ...It fizzes nicely though, I get it imported special from Coca-Cola. They’re our biggest sponsor.75
(Brian hesitantly accepts the drink, tastes it and shrugs.)76
BRIAN
You seem...familiar.77
SATAN
Come on, think. The smoke. Horns. The predominant red...God I try and make it so obvious. It’s not like I can just open a crevasse in the ground and start torching people.78
BRIAN
Wait, you’re like...a terrorist?79
SATAN
Think pitchfork. Hooves.80
BRIAN
...Farmer?81
SATAN
This is why I hate my job. Not the eternal fire. Not the doom of failure. It’s the lack of recognition.82
BRIAN
No wait, I know! You’re Carlos Santana! Can you play that song--83
SATAN
Smooth?84
BRIAN
Yeah!85
SATAN
Yes. But I’m not Santana. I’m Lucifer. Satan. The devil. The schemin’ demon. The pork with the fork.86
BRIAN
(Beat.) Is this about the suicide? It wasn’t my fault. He’s better off.87
SATAN
No, everyone in Hell hates him too. ...I actually came to help you.88
BRIAN
Well I’m glad someone cares.89
(He shoots an angry look upward.)90
SATAN
My point exactly. I’m probably the most misunderstood guy ever. Me and Gandhi. Man, you wouldn’t believe the parties he throws... But seriously, I’m like...a missionary. Up here all the time, reaching out to people. Touching lives. How many times has He come down? Once. And you know what happened? They crucified him! Now I may not be the Time Magazine Man of the Year, but I’ve never been crucified. That’s just bad PR.91
BRIAN
Well...he’s pretty popular now. Just look at the biography sales.92
SATAN
It’s so one-sided though! I tried to fight for equal coverage, but the courts up there are all slanted towards that “goodness” and “righteousness” stuff. A demon like me doesn’t stand a chance when--Oh! I’m here on business! Sorry, got a little carried away. You’re having lady troubles I understand.93
BRIAN
She’s gone...she left me...94
SATAN
Well I can sure take care of that.95
BRIAN
You? Really?96
SATAN
Made all the ladies in Hades. And they’re as hard as Heaven’s Gates to get into. Human women, now there’s easy pickings. Your girlfriend will beg you to take her back.97
BRIAN
Well, actually...98
SATAN
You know seduction was all my idea. Temptation, lust: all me. I never get credit.99
BRIAN
I’m not trying to--100
SATAN
Me and the seraphim, we used to come here all the time. Back when Noah was--101
BRIAN
She isn’t exactly--102
SATAN
Of course, all the women drowned. And believe it or not, necrophilia isn’t high on my list of sins-to-do.103
BRIAN
She wasn’t my girlfriend. She was my guardian angel.104
SATAN
...Well that’s ironic. I didn’t know she was one of them. And I show up here of all places.105
BRIAN
Can you help me?106
SATAN
...This is slightly more complicated. Buuuuut I have horns.107
BRIAN
Tell me what I have to do.108
SATAN
Aren’t you...forgetting something? (Beat.) Compensation maybe?109
BRIAN
But...what could I give you?110
(Satan puts his head in his hands.)111
SATAN
Work with me here Brian. You know who I am. Have you ever read “The Devil and Tom Walker”? “Faust”? “The Devil Went Down to Georgia”?112
BRIAN
Isn’t that a song?113
SATAN
Yes. Same thing in Frank Zappa’s “Titties and Beer.” I always ask for the same thing.114
BRIAN
What about “Sympathy for the Devil”?115
SATAN
God bless The Rolling Stones. Look, you sell me your soul, I’ll give you everything you want.116
BRIAN
I don’t think anything good has ever come of that.117
SATAN
You don’t know anyone who’s done it.118
BRIAN
Well, name one.119
SATAN
Bill Gates. Billionaire.120
BRIAN
But he’s ugly.121
SATAN
I’m a demon, not a plastic surgeon.122
BRIAN
Can’t I give you something else?123
SATAN
No.124
BRIAN
How do I know you’re telling the truth?125
SATAN
What? Is it so hard to trust me?126
BRIAN
I’d like something in writing.127
SATAN
Brian, have you ever been without a guardian angel before? This is a dangerous world. You won’t last a day out there. And then you’ll be with me forever. It’s a lose-lose situation.128
BRIAN
I can take care of myself.129
SATAN
No. You don’t understand how dependent you are. Do you realize that you nearly died seven times since you started lunch? Right now there is a waiter regaining consciousness, and his first thought will be to kill you. You need me.130
BRIAN
I need Trixie.131
SATAN
It’s all about soul.132
BRIAN
How about a down payment? You take part now, and the rest after I have her back. Refundable.133
SATAN
Fifty-fifty?134
BRIAN
No. Just half for now.135
SATAN
You drive a hard bargaining scene.136
Author notes
Scene 1 of 3.
A contest entry
- Romance, Demons and Angels. by kkz2343.
180 points, ended February 25, 2007, 9 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I WANT A GOOD CLIFFHANGER!! by Taylor Renee.
145 points, ended April 16, 2007, 74 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I'm bored, so anything. by Loonamist.
175 points, ended February 19, 2007, 43 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Watev!! by asthray.heart.
1100 points, ended June 20, 2007, 56 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - enter if you dare! lots of options! by Elvenfairy.
100 points, ended July 15, 2007, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The Fall of Lucifer by Golden Guardian.
450 points, ended October 31, 2007, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Theater by DecoDog.
350 points, ended September 20, 6 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
-
Is this a story? Or a screenplay? If it's meant to be a story, the layout is horribel. if it's a screenplay...I'll let that go. although I don't really think that you can have screenplay novels...
okay, script, i've decided.
I like that "the schemin' demon. the pork with the fork"
I liked it. It was well-written. And amusing. But not a novel, so I'm removing it from the contest. sorry. -
this was alright but don't exactly like your idea and it was't written like a proper script but well done
-
-
It's as properly as SW allows.
-
-
Top Notch
Oh thank you! I needed a laugh~ Hurry up and get this on a stage!
-
Huh, this is interesting. I've never been one for script, but this one is intriguing. This scheme is so transparent to the onlooker, but desperate men are fooled by the easiest lies. Nice job.
-
VERY ENJOYABLE!
Thank you so much! Quite humorous! The best lines, in my opinion, were Satan's statement about necrophilia not being high on his list of sins-to-do (!!!) and his answer concerning Bill Gates' ugliness and he not being a plastic surgeon. God bless your imagination and sense of humor!
Anaya Romadialog: 5.
-
Hi, could you send or enter the other two scenes to this? I like it a lot, it is interesting and a good choice for personifying the sins of the character. the last line was a bit awkward
-
lmao
-
wow this was really good
i laughed so hard
you really have down comedy and conversation
i just can't wait to read more!!
-
oh man, this made me laugh soooo hard!!! I loved teh devil in this! I just couldn't stop laughing!!! Brian, he was just so stuped! Awsome story! Thanks for entering it into my contest!!!!
-
Haha, I thought this was pretty hilarious. But then, the Devil always has been my favorite character ^^
-
This is really good. It's the title that got me. It kinda reminds me of Damn Yankees, and the conversations that what's his face and Mr. Applegate had. So, dialog is fantastic. Characters? Brilliant! It's also really funny. All-around well done. I can't wait to read more of this!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
laugh out loud
hmm i had time to read this and i really liked this it it very well written and is captivating i did think i say this correctly when i say that Brent you are a genious and a comedian. -
sugar high
as you probably can see or notice by now i'm hyped up on caffine because i drank a whole two liter of pepsi by my self that i'm going down the stories list unfortuneatly my sugar high is wearing off so i'll have to read this one tomorrow along with any other stories you have on the stories list REMIND ME TO READ THIS SOMEBODY PLEASE.
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
"I’m a demon, not a plastic surgeon"
lol. I like this, very good. -
The whole time I was reading this I was imagining it being produced at the local theatre where I live - guess that's saying I like it!
anxiously awaiting the end of intermission...
-
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
that is really funny i loved it and i hoped that you like writing because you are good at it. GREAT JOB AND GREAT STORY -
HILARIOUSSSSS
ok, so can i use this scene for my schools arts night? cuz it rox!!!! have i asked u this before? i cant remember... also, if i can use it for arts night, can i edit it a bit? lol i love it!!!!
-
nice one!
it is light and funny...beginning: 2, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
-
Brilliant
-
I loved it!
This was great, the title yabked me in, the casualness of Trixie's lifesaving made me laugh, and whats-his-names pigheadedness fit people so well, gave a very solid link to reality. Great work, I absolutely loved it!beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, characters: 5.
-
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
-
Wow. I would of never guessed that Trixie wwas a gurdian angel. That's kinda weird when ya come to think about it. And then this whole devil, Bill Gates thing. that's... okay...
Wow. I actually liked that ending. It was real good. How they did the 50-50 thing... that was cool!! -
Wow, this was halarioius! I really like this and I wish I could do this play in my school! Well...some of it anyway. Good story/play and I really like it, thanks!
-
It's Out There
While this would make Evangelicals nervous, I don't think what you've written should send you to hell. But then this is just the first act, right? LoL. It is confusing at first, more set up, you've got the humor to carry it. Give more info up front and then drive home the jokes.
Will have to see the whole to totally appreciate but you've got my interest.
beginning: 1, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 2, characters: 3.
-
lol i liked it a lot! it was really amusing, but kinda confusing at 1st. i liked it though. i give u points- u spelled it blonde! lol sry im obbssessed i dont like it bein called blond. okay, well, i loved it! great write.
Taylor
-
lol!
a great read, i could really picture the scene well as I read it, and it kept me engrossed throughout - somethin that is not an easy feat - well done!
webber
-
Oh my! I'm holding my ribs! This was absolutely fantastic! You my dear are a true artist! Funny should be your middle name! My god this was hilarious! i could just picture everything in my mind, the scene, the gestures, the actions, ahh simply breathtaking!
I'm wondering whether you have actually turned this into a performance?
Great job!
*army rolls to the next scene... well, maybe the CB first*
Yrs.
Azaradelle.
-
*dies* this is HILARIOUS! GREAT JOB!
-
Amazingly Fantastic!!!
Its funny that I'm entering a story in a contest like this when I know that this one has to be in the finals if not the winner. Probably one of the best pieces of work I've seen on here yet. Keep it up!
beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
LOL!!! This Brian character of yours sounds so familiar.. >_> in fact, there are a number of "Brians" in this world... Anyway, haha, I honestly thought Trixie was his bodyguard Haha, silly Brian even tried to get her to stay by saying the L-word what an idiot ^_^
Terrorist, farmer, Santana... I sort of expected to see Santa's name in there too (haha, santa and satan are just misspellings of each other, after all). Nonetheless, this Satan of yours is quite a character Which made me laugh more, Brian or Satan - I can't make up my mind!!!
Haha, this is the first play-thing I've read on this site, and what a nice way to start reading something like this I'll be reading the other installments soon. Thank you for this!
-
Really funny. All your stories are funny, but I really liked this one. It was funny, but you could still tell you're a smart writer. I loved it.
xoxo
Kelsey -
Hilarious! Ver comical! I had never seen a script write on here before, but I really liked it! Good job!
-
Wow. This was funny. Trixie's name reminds me of the cereal. Now all she needs is big ears...
Good Job, I liked it!
-
Very Funny
Very very very funny, but there were a lot of grammar errors. Other than that I love it so far. I would make this longer, but I have to go to sleep.
Did you know? : Reviewing things before you go to sleep is said to help you remeber them better? Much better idea than counting sheep!
-
-
That is true, I learned it in psychology. Now this will be burned in your memory *laughs evilly*. I don't know about the grammar errors, I'll have to reread it.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 36 of 36
