It was just like any other first day of school, I was dreading each and every second of it. My schedule was all confusing and my classmates were mostly new. I only had one real friend at that time and we had few classes together. I was lost in a jungle of people, and I tried to hide myself in the shadows.1
It was almost the end of the day and I was dead on my feet because most of my earlier classes were the harder ones of the group. Though my last class of the day was study hall, so I was so looking forward to sleeping for an hour. 2
Though minutes before class started I had caught up with my friend Steven in the hall. He suggested we go by the student store to buy some snacks, and we always buy a box of air heads when ever we can. A box of air heads is only eleven dollars and twenty five cents, you get about 50 air heads per box too. 3
Well we divided the air heads and the cost and went to class. I had way to many to eat by myself and I usually offer people some so I decided to offer a few to the two people in my study hall that sat the closest to me. Fortunately that would be Courtney and Matt, though Matt sitting there wasn't too fortunate but with one good thing comes a bad. 4
I offered the air heads and as the girl looked up at me I saw a sparkle in her eyes, her beautiful green eyes. Something caught me there, because I was nervous and starting to lose my words. I felt like I had been stung by cupids loving arrow. I enjoyed that feeling more that anything I had ever felt before. 5
Now she asked me why I was so generous and all I could say in reply was, because. Well that simple answer made every bit of difference. That one word got this beauty to notice me, and that one word made me the luckiest man alive. CHAPTER 1.6
Author notes
This is Chapter One of my story. Tell me what you think please.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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interesting
interestingly interesting
~invisible~ -
i like this a lot i enjoyed reading this made me feel all nice inside lol, i would really like to read more of yours
steve -
I enjoyed it. I would love to read more, but I'm not sure that this should be one chapter. It's fairly short. Perhaps this would make a good prologue. Or, if you like it as the first chapter, maybe add a little more. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like it.. I just figured I'd give a little feedback. And Tu Leona makes quite a few valid points. But, then again, I am a stickler when it comes to correcting. I have to do it when I see it. I did find a few places where a paragraph could come in.. But, again, this is your story. If you like it as is, then ignore me.. LoL, that's what I always do. I just enjoy reading things, but I always get side-tracked when I see small errors. I have to stop and re-read sometimes. But hey! Maybe that's just me.. I definetely think you should keep going with this. It's very good. Can't wait to read more! God Bless.
Edited on Apr 15, 9:09 p.m. because ''. -
Keep going. I'm curious as to know what happens. I think you've been wrtting poetry too much cause you wrote this in the same style. Break it up into paragraphs, use better punctuation, and double check spelling and grammar. Your grammar needs the most work, but you'll get used to it. I agree with the others, I don't think this is the end of the first chapter either. But I look forward to reading the rest of this story.
~>Tu Leona<~ -
This is a great beginning but I agree with niteangel0018, maybe this chapter isn't finished yet. Also, maybe you should divide it up into paragraphs to make it easier to read. The story's moving along fast, but that's okay. Great work and keep writing.
Zeb -
I think that it's pretty good. It's fairly short, but thats ok. Each writer has their own length. Thanks for commenting on my story Snow White
You lie, I dont write better than you
Thanks for sharing,
~blessings~
~rora -
I think it's good, I'm not usually into romance stories but this seems so much more than that ^_^ I already want to know what happens with the girl. I must admit I feel it is moving a little fast but its understandable if it is a short story. Anyways, it seems pretty interesting already so keep it up! ^_^
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Nice start, i loved the ending the the chapter, it really makes the reader want more. Nicely written and I'm anxcious to read more.
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cool start
hmm...i don't think your done with the first chapter. it seems like you could add more to it. few spelling errors. but its cool cause i have them in my writing. i think you should keep going with this. so far its good and i love the description. and air heads kick azz.anyways its good so far, just let it simmer for a while, like a friend told me. its will turn out better promise.
smiles
nite
p.s. i'm the first to comment. wooohooo
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