Random Rantings (not so much a story) #6

I don't want her anymore......though that little part of me does. I found out that some random chicks that I don't know like me. I'm going to ask them their names, and their digits. Finding out as soon as my cousin gets home that some chicks were talking about me in the store, it made me happy and just a wee bit full of myself. My friend is jealous of me because chicks keep coming up to me and they have a crush on me, 'your a chick magnet' she said though sometimes I really don't want to be.

It's easier to put your emotion into a story or rantings or poems than it is to tell someone how much you hurt, and how much you care about them. I can't explain it in words that I speak that someone would understand unless I was drunk or high. It's something I've learned not to do sense I have been in this worthless world. They all act like they know but they don't and the will never know.

Don't think no one cares about you, because I still do. I've never stopped just hid it. I'm trying to keep from thinking about you, because it only hurts when I do. So when I jump on other chicks it's not to get you back or hurt you, because that's the last thing I want to do. I can't say I still love you, but I know I still care. It's not because I feel like I have to it's because I still choose to care for you.

I can't say why I explain myself in writing than in words that I have never spoken. I've always said 'I'm fine' or 'nothings wrong' my whole life. So why start telling people now how I feel down deep. To let them use it against me? To let them make it worse? I can't tell people that I think of killing myself every night because I'm worthless to myself and there's nothing for me. Though there is, I know there is, it's just I want to see if someone would actually step up and say that they do.

Think on it or don't I don't give a fuck what ya do....and don't ask me what this is all supposed to mean....I won't answer any of you.......