Disco
“Have you got any cans for tonight?” whispered Knumbnutts, turning bodily round in his seat to face me, completely unaware that Morty our fearsome maths teacher was standing over him. For reasons that were wholly apparent to me I did not reply. “Booze fella, booze! Have you got any? Or do you need the big man to sort it out for you?” he continued pointing toward himself with upturned thumbs.
“Face the front and stop talking boy!” hissed Morty bringing down his pointing stick with such a crack on Knumbnutts’s desk that everyone in the class jumped out of their seats. “I hope that what I have just heard was bravado? Fourteen-year-old boys are just that! Boy’s and should not be drinking alcohol under any circumstances! Do I make myself perfectly clear?” Morty snarled.
The remainder of our double period of trigonometry crawled by, everyone in the classroom to scared to breath to loudly in case it attracted the wrath of the strap wielding maniac. Who was by now in an even worse mood than he usually was, which believe me took some doing. Finally the bell rang to signal the end of the school day and the freedom of the weekend.
In the boys first year cloakroom I caught up with Knumbnutts, Oss, Smarty and the Swoopster as we all crammed our school bags in to our lockers for the weekend. Well you wouldn’t want to take the thing home with you as parents will enquire as to whether or not homework and the like has been set. Everyone knows that the time for homework to be done is at 7.30am of the morning it is due and certainly not at a weekend.
“I’m telling you! I saw the lot! All she had on was a skirt and a bra!” enthused Smarty, the boy with Scotland’s most furtive imagination as he attempted to make us believe what he had seen through a window on his morning milk round.
Swoopster: “Yeh, yeh you pervert, I’ve heard it all from you before. Never mind that! Now has anyone got any cans for tonight? If not I’ll get my cousin to get us some. If we all chip in enough we could get a case!”
Monies, which had been saved from, lunch and tuck shop breaks for the past two weeks were cobbled together. Excellent, we had just enough for a complete case of the very cheapest and worst tasting lager on the face of the planet. Before leaving school for home we all agreed to meet up under cover of darkness at the World War II memorial in the towns public park straight after dinner to consume our carryout. Then onwards to the town hall where that evening as was the custom once a month the local mobile disco named Kalvados, yes with a K, entertained the youth of the town.
These local discos were the highpoint of the social calendar. The girls would dance around piles of there often white handbags, while the chaps wandered around the perimeter of the hall sizing up their very wary pray for the last dance and the chance to get their hands up their jumpers. Appalling Eighties pop and fashion aside the whole affair always seemed to go with more fizz with a few liveners inside you. This always led to fantastic entertainment, as certain drunken chaps actually believed they had a strange genetic link to Michael Jackson and made total arses of themselves dancing. I can remember in vivid colour nearly wetting my trousers with laughter at one disco when Phil da Block gave a truly memorable, for all of the wrong reasons, demonstration of body popping and breakdancing. All the while totally slaughtered on cheap lager and being egged on by his so-called mates to greater and greater acts of self-embarrassment. Yes the film Breakdance with the chief body popping exponent of the piece Michael “Shrimp” Chambers aka Turbo have to take full responsibility for many crimes against rhythm witnessed on a Friday night the length and breadth of the nation.
Anyway back to the War Memorial just after dark in the public park.
There were loads of people there of varying ages from the local secondary school, all up to exactly the same monkey business as we were i.e. getting three sheets to the wind on horrible cheap as chips lager. I had drank three or four cans and was to be honest feeling a bit queasy as we set off for the disco. We had travelled about halfway there when all of a sudden “Blaaaaaaar!” the lager and everything I had consumed that day exited my body all at the same time in a never-ending fountain of brown spew. Having emptied my stomachs contents all over the pavement I ironically felt much better but alas was now sober and without the possibility of consuming any further alcohol.
“Hoy lads, are you all off to the disco? Have you got any cans?” said Keith the Thief a sticky fingered Welshman and classmate.
“Yes were all off there now but we’ve ran out of drinks and I’m stone cold because I spewed mine up about ten minutes ago” I said feeling very sorry for myself and left out.
Keith the Thief: “Lucky I’ve got this then!” as he produced from his coat inside pocket, a three quarter full bottle of vodka.
Jackpot!
The rest of the chaps headed for the disco while myself and Keith the Thief headed for that other famous local underage-drinking den. The local church and cemetery. The vodka was awful but we managed to force it down neat, I myself necking the last drink from the bottle as we stepped through the cemetery gate on to the street.
Doom!
Standing over on the pavement at the other side of the street arms crossed, scowl on face and legs akimbo P.C. Mutchison of Her Majesties Constabulary.
“Freeze!” yelled P.C. Mutchison as he ran over the road towards us torch in hand.
Freeze? Freezing was the very last thing I was about to be doing in the face of events unfolding in front of me. We both took to our heels and ran back in to the pitch-black graveyard with Her Majesties finest in close pursuit. Keith the Thief had his collar felt as we rounded the corner of the church, I was off and was about to make good my escape when off came my left shoe.
Damn those highly fashionable white slip on shoes.
I took immediate evasive action and did the only sensible thing, that being I hid behind the nearest large gravestone. Couching behind the stone in the pitch dark I could see P.C. Mutchison’s torch beam flitting from gravestone to gravestone searching me out.
P.C. Mutchison: “ Come out son, Keith has told me your name so lets not play silly buggers!”
In my drunken stupor I rose from my hiding place with arms aloft and said, “Don’t shoot!”
Keith laughed, I laughed, P.C. Mutchison however did not laugh or find this amusing in the slightest and took a firm hold of my left ear. The humourless bastard then got on his radio to some of his fellow plod and summoned a van for our transportation to the station.
At the police station our personal details were taken and telephone calls made to our parents to come to collect us. Unfortunately for the overzealous copper there was no one in at either of our houses so we were kicked out on to the street and told to and I quote.
“Go home and inform your parents that I shall pay them a visit tomorrow!”
Outside the police station we should have gone straight home.
Did we? Did we fuck!
Working on Keith’s theory that we were all ready in the doo doo and that we should enjoy ourselves tonight, as we were unlikely to see the light of day again for months we headed to the disco.
Once home from the disco I grasped the nettle and told my parents of the churchyard vodka session. I suffered death by a thousand thick ears followed by the longest time ever spent in servitude known to mankind. P.C. Mutchison’s talk with my folks did not help matters. I quote “Your son was completely intoxicated, running amock in the town, endangering others and himself. I would keep him in the house under supervision until he is at least sixteen!”
Oh spoons, thankfully my mother is not a tyrant and I was let loose on society again after a few weeks. As for P.C. Mutchison sweet, sweet revenge was wreaked a few years later at a football match, but that alas is for another time.
Author notes
Only the names have been changed to protect the guilty.
A contest entry
- Good/Bad friend by LostSoulOfRage.
350 points, ended January 23, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The Day Of A Teen by TommyTRASH.
220 points, ended January 25, 2007, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - LET ME HAVE IT ( short stories )( poetry ) by Night-Rink.
140 points, ended February 5, 2007, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Work by beezy92.
160 points, ended February 7, 2007, 30 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - d by LostSoulOfRage.
300 points, ended February 13, 2007, 19 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Give me a good... by Yi Yin.
230 points, ended August 21, 2007, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The Best of 2007! by whichcraft.
215 points, ended January 11, 2008, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 67 of 67
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A very good rendition of a schoolboy lark - out on the town getting pissed in all the shady places.
Reminds me of my work (Alcohol and other Drug Youth Worker) - I'm part of a crew called the 'Safe Party Squad' that goes out on a Friday/Saturday night to talk to the likes of your characters. I must say - you have them pretty much spot on. I think this store would hit a note of familiarity with anyone who has engaged in a bit of deviant behaviour in their youth.
Well done!
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“Go home and inform your parents that I shall pay them a visit tomorrow!”
Outside the police station we should have gone straight home.
Did we? Did we fuck!
te he he he WAS BRILLIANT...made me laugh which is something I love to do
good work man
Blair
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This was good.
I enjoyed the fact of the boys gathering money just to get buzzed from the worst tasting beer that they could. Good job on the story.
DarkOne -
amusing...
plot: 5.
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This is good, good luck in zee contest.
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Haha. This was definately amusing
lol I could just picture the whole thing
You wrote it nicely with great imagery!
I wish you luck in the contest!
xoxo
Tay
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it was good and well written, good luck in the contest.
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Lol. I think I actually LIKE Morty!! XD
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Good story. A few errors which need to be fixed- I won't go into detail here, pm me if you want to know what I mean.
Good luck in the contest. -
Good luck in the contest ^^
x Julez -
oh and by the way Good luck in the contest!
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"classroom to scared" - too
Hee! There are so many British-isms in this story! Parts read like a strange new language. "morning milk round," heh. I'm picturing someone walking in a circle with a glass of milk, but I'm absolutely certain I'm wrong about that.
This is a cute story. ...I think I may have read others by you as well. Good job. -
This is cool. To be honest, I didn't like it that much, but it wasn't bad. It was really funny though!
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nice story very interesting well good luck in the contest.
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Aren't you forgetting something? I went straight to the author notes to see if you read the whole rules... looks like you're missing something... I'll get back to you about your story later...
Good Luck in the contest!
Vicky (WritingAngel) -
Hehe this is awesome. I could imagine every scene taking place as they were being chased =] Great details and terrific job in making it interesting =]
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This is great again. The tone/style that you write in has a humorus, sacastic edge which makes the story really enjoyable. The characters are totally real. The story was also of a good lengnth and the comic description was all I needed to enjoy the characters. A great write. lucyx
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good job (= good luck in the contest
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Austounding
I love this sounds like it could be a movie or a script. Great imagination, i wish you well in this contest.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Trig, eh I hate that class worst 3 years of my lif
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A very well writen bit of work done here, I like the style and the flow... no errors that I see... well done!
Penny x x x
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great!
i think it was great dialog and very good plot, is this made up? because if it is you are a good "lier" if you know wht i mean?? anyway 2 appulauds for you!!!!!
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Now I'm kinda confused we don't call discos "discos" here anymore... we call them clubs or maybe those are entirely different things and I'm just an idiot x.x haha! I do admit you've described most of the things here were described! Girls often do dance around their things.. or the poor ones get to watch the things
I love the never ending fountain it DOES seem that way when you've had too much to drink and when you're just throwing up 
Haha, another great work! *claps* thank you for this!
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I loved it! It was so funny. I love how well you described everything right down to the vomit..
My favorite part..
I would keep him in the house under supervision until he is at least sixteen!”
Oh spoons, thankfully my mother is not a tyrant.
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Wow, this was really good, it kept me entertained, you've done a fabulous job with this, well done. And keep it up.
Rae.
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Nice. Totally awesome.
I enjoyed all the stupor and idiocy of the boys.
I totally enjoyed reading your storybeginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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This was a nicely written story and I liked the humor.
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this is a good story, nicely wrote in the first person pro-noun. now me personally would ahve liked this story to have been more indepth descriptivly but hey still brill story thanks laura x
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Hey there, remember me! lol. I commented on your story a few days ago. Everything I said down there still stands. lol. Good luck in my contest!
Shady Lane -
Very interesting story. Very funny, with great details. Great job, keep it up!
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Interesting tale. I enjoyed the dry humor, and the imagery was varied and colorful. I will note that there was a lack of comma use, and at times the phrasing/speech was awkward. It is a wonderful and unique start-a story worth the polish.
I hope my review has helped, and thankyou for letting me read it. -
thnx for entering the contest.
okay this is a very good story, i like it. it was very funny. very intertaining. anyways great job with the story and keep it up. good luck.
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Oooo. Nice write!! You've got a fantastic eye for detail/description. I really enjoyed reading this! Very humorous!
Shady Lane -
I had a few simular moments in my own youth. HA! Once my best friend and I weren't allowed to speak to each other for one whole summer. That's a long time when you're 15. It's just not as much fun raising hell alone. This was a good story and a funny read. Brings back memories. --- To be young again.
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That was interesting, not what I expected, but still very amusing and realistically written.
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this was so funny very nice write and it was funny and yes what kind of name is knumbnuts but all in all good write and happy writing to you
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pretty cool story and i really enjoyed it but i could have done without the throwing up part
beginning: 3, language: 1, plot: 5, ending: 2, dialog: 2, characters: 5.
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I've not got past the firt line yet (I will do) knumbnuts!! what a name haha!!
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It's very different, but very appealing and interesting. It caught and held my attention (in a choke hold lol) Very well written and very fun to read!!!! I love fun things!!!
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ha!
I loved it. I burst out laughing at times, but it grossed me out when he threw up! eeeeeeewwwwww
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Again brilliant! I love your writing style, and yet again you've made me laugh. Good job and I shall wait to read another one of your humorous stories.
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lol. you remind me of a friend of mine, both in your writing style (humourous) and in your actions as a teen. this was very interesting, i really enjoy your anecdotes. you seem to have a healthy outlook on your past self in that you can make fun of yourself.
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HILARIOUS!
this is a hilarious story tht made me burst out laughin
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Humorous
This was a very humorous story, written with great imagery and nice plot. It kept my interest enough to finish reading and gifted me with a chuckle. I wonder if there will be a sequel? If so, I would enjoy the read. Thank you for sharing and keep up the muse.
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It was funny, though some parts were a little hard to understand. When I re-read it, though, I got it and couldn't help laughing. I'm 14, and I've never had more than a few sips of my mom's Smirnoff, so now I'm kinda scared to have more! lol. But this was a good read, and the imagery was good, too. Wonderful job!
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Very good !
I highly enjoyed this. I do hope there is more to come !
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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nice, very nice.
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very unique.
gj. this kept me interested the whole time through. gj. 14 year old idiots haha. keep up the GREAT work.
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i liked it i thought it was entertaining and interesting, keep it up
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my cup pf tea
such delinquents! i still don't remember doing those things when i was 14, but it is good to read such things, i guess that's when I should have my sociological imagination kick in. kudos. -
Interesting
I haven't read anything like it, but it's really good. -
i love i
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Um wow. That was definitely different than anything I've ever read before. Not bad though.
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Entertaining indeed, i can still remember being a 14 year old moron. You nailed the cop scene down perfectly. I think they tend to be quite half-assed because they know full well they've done something similar.
Though i am amazed having previously emptied your stomache, then drinking vodka and dashing through a cemetary didn't make you chuck up again. But nicely done. -
This is, in my honest opinion, your best story yet. Your one-liners are top notch and the writing is simply superb for a story like this; congratulations. I can't help commenting on the names you chose for your characters... (Knumbnutts comes to mind). Overall, an excellent knee-slapper.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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It was amusing
It was amusing enough, it sounds just like a bunch of 14 year old boys, Good job, -
yay
AHHHAH MY GOD THAT WAS FUNNY. But I can't even picture fourteen-year-olds being drunk. Thanks for recommending this though. I love the Michael Jackson childhood times. Love the slang in here because I've never heard it before. I think this is a really pretty story I mean it could put for the middle of a book and be the favourite quoting part for readers. God I'm bad at critiquing stories. Yessss cooly.
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Cool
LET US DISCO!!!
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Did we!? Did we fuck!
This was your best line. It made me wonder.
Disco used to be church for me I guess. I attended Friday and Saturday nights. And I did Wednesdays too when it became open during the week. I liked the lights and the music and the dancers and the beer.
I tried to be the White Version of Michael Jackson too. I wore a glove the whole bit. I once wore a mousetrap on my ear as an ear ring. Yes, Rebel Rebel was disco wild in his younger days.
It was a country disco. I used to go barefooted with my toenails painted a bright red. Go to the urinal and piss with all the guys looking down and ya did get a reaction.
Finally painted my fingernails the same color and would wall to the bar and point to the tap I wanted a beer front. From my handful of painted fingers the bar goers would part away like the going back of the Red Sea.
It was all good and I am happy to see that jsdk had his days of disco as well.
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Not the type of story I normally read but this was quite intreasting and even more so knowing it was a true story, it made it even more intreasting. Not being born in the 80s it didn't have the nostalgia for me it had for some of the other readers but it managed to stand up very well without it and it was quite entertaining! A very good job. And I agree, the last sentance makes one ready for more.
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Wow, this is a true account? I lived a shelter life when I was in highschool, err, since I did go to an exclusive Catholic girl school... Maybe the fact that I also live in a different continent makes some things quite... err, different from your "world." It was only when I got out of highschool that I got to experience some wild crazy things and chases, making this one somewhat a nostalgic read.
There are a couple of small typo errors, nothing unchangeable though. Nonetheless, a funny read, which I enjoyed continue sharing the laughter!
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Ahh I really enjoy your stories! They make me laugh! Good work. There were some spelling mistakes in there but none the less, a very entertaining peice!
My very latest has been posted if you wanted to check it out. It's only a small piece of the entire thing though - more to come late.
Catcha round!
Shelly
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Lol that was funny.
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And with that last sentence you leave me waiting for more from you.
I got two years probation for a little liquor story incident myself.
Another winner! A couple of spelling errors, but who really cares?
I'm not reading these for the spelling errors....unless you want me to.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Ah, the glories of youth...
How your stories take me back to my own youth, drunkenly raising hell in a place I wouldn't go sober. *content sigh*
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Some things never change... the kids around my town are still doing exactly this sort of thing. I live a block from where the underage discos are held, so I know all about pissed teenagers and the havock they cause at times...
Luckily I was a bit young in the 80s to remember most the fashion or music, and what I do remember I try to forget lol!
Very entertaining once again
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Ace stuff!
Ah, nostalgia - it ain't as good as it used to be, you know. :-)
Great stuff.
Once again your story transports me back to the eighties. Loads of pissed kids at an under 18 disco. I had tried to put a brick wall around the whole of the 80s, but you keep knocking it down brick by brick. Your mention of white slip ons had me cringing!
I love the nicknames - Keith the Thief is a new one to me. These stories have an air of cameraderie about them - the sort of thing that you expect to find in Boys Own and Commando books.
Monthly travelling discos, knowing the local cops by name - makes it sound as if you're from a small town.
Keep writing and I'll keep reading,
Cheers,
GoNE
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