Killing Blackie

It can’t always be as we like it. In fact, sometimes it feels like it is never as we like it. I remember when my friend Maria, broke her tooth on her wedding day and got hiccups while saying her vows, she thought nothing was as she liked it. But as I viewed it, at the end of the day she was still married, and so at least that was as she wanted it. True, perhaps she had not become Mrs. Grant the way she would have liked to, but the goal had been to become Mrs. Grant, and if the goal is reached, even if the means of reaching that goal aren’t too pleasant, at least you have the goal. At least that’s how I like to view it. You see, I wanted to be a millionaire. And who leaves money to a dog? The dog will not benefit from the money. The dog will not buy beautiful clothes, nor will it ride around in a limousine. Nor will it produce movies so it can go to premiers. Nor will it get a big boat somewhere out in the Pacific. Nor a private plane. No, a dog will not get any of these thing. Really, the only way a dog will appreciate the money, is by the really expensive dog food it will be served.

By this point I hope we are all agreed on the fact, that a dog does not deserve millions of dollars. If you do not belong to this school of thought you’d be better off reading ‘101 Dalmatians’, it’ll be more your style, as I fear you will find me a very unsatisfactory heroine. If you do agree with me, then you will understand why I wanted to strangle that dang dog when my very, undear, Aunt Helga left it all her money.

My parents died when I was four years old, and Aunt Helga took me in. So you see why I was mad when she left all the money to her annoying sheepdog, Blackie. I have hated Blackie ever since I was thirteen and Aunt Helga brought him into the house. That dog barked at, jumped on and licked me beyond my endurance.

Now I did love Aunt Helga, and yes I was very sorry when she died. I cried, I moaned, I wore black. But, the fact that Aunt Helga made that dog her heir, and left me pennyless, made me cry all the more. She had stated clearly in her will the dog must support me, and so Mr. Jacks (a friend of my aunt’s, and the man selected in her will to be the dog’s guardian) was to make sure the house was kept up properly for the dog, and that I was kept comfortably in it.

Now I realize that at ten, Blackie was pretty old for a dog, and all I had to do was wait, but I put down what I did to my deep grief over losing my aunt, and losing the money. You see my aunt had put in her will that, in the event of Blackie dying and leaving no heirs, I was to receive the money. Now as there was no Mrs. Blackie, or any little Blackie-lettes, all I needed was Blackie to die. But I was not going to sit back while my inheritance was wasted on dog food. Can you blame me?

So, I planned the bloody deed. About a year before her death my aunt had a swimming pool installed, so Blackie and I could have a place to swim. Little did she know that it would be Blackie’s watery grave. Well, not really his grave since for goodness sakes we didn’t leave him in it, but definitely Blackie’s watery doom.

I snuck into Blackie’s bedroom at eleven at night. About an hour before I had gone in and given him his dinner, which was mixed together with some sleeping pills. He was out cold. I picked the him up. Well, here is where we hit a snag. You see Blackie was fat. He was fat, and he was big. So it really ended with me dragging him outside, and to the pool. And there, I said my last good-byes to that dang dog, and I pushed him in. I did not stay to watch him sink. I ran inside, ran to my room, and hid under my blankets till morning.

At about ten I was roused by the pool boy sobbing about how, Blackie was in the pool and how he thought he was dead. Of course, even if Blackie hadn’t been dead when he had found him, he certainly would have been by the time the pool boy had finished telling me about it. Though I suppose you can’t really blame him. It is probably very shocking to go out to clean a pool and find the body of a dead dog in it.

I feigned shock. I feigned fear. I ran to the pool, and, upon seeing the lifeless body of Blackie at the bottom of the deep end, fell to me knees sobbing hysterically, and screaming how he couldn’t be dead, and how the pool boy had to save him. It was a performance Ingrid Bergman would have envied.

People were baffled as to how the tragedy had occurred. Blackie has always hated the pool, and had never gone in it. But somehow, for some reason, something had compelled him to go near enough to fall in and meet his watery demise...

We buried good old Blackie near the pool. I thought it was fitting. A bit along the lines of the crosses people put up along roads, to commemorate a car crash that ended in death. I cried. I moaned. I wore black. No one ever suspected. I was the perfect actress. I played my role superbly. I have never had a guilty conscience over the affair, but then I again I have the clothes. I have the limo. I go to premiers. I have the big boat in the Pacific. I have the private plane. In other words, I am a millionaire, and I can appreciate it. Now if Blackie had killed me, I’m sure he couldn’t have gotten over. Of course, maybe he just had more moral fiber then I ever will.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Asfand
    September 28, 2007

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    Brilliant Concept ~

    Whoa ~ dang you spilled some gret thought ~

    Loved your delightful story here, very original and quite a good job ~

    The very idea was amazing, your title could never have told me something like this and it opened the right bit of curiosity to lure me in ~

    Wonderful entry ~

    The first sentence is really awkward. The constant 'as we like it' 'as we want it' and 'as he/she like it' is extrememly choppy in flow. I think you wanted the repititions to strenghten your emotion but I find them taking em away form the thought ~

    *Now <-- (missing comma) I did love Aunt Helga, and yes I was very sorry when she died*

    *I cried, I moaned, <-- (cross the comma and use'and') I wore black.*

    Lose the parentheticals the '()', their visually unpleasing, plus I think it's better to use dash, but that may be preference. You just popped in Mr.Jacks within abrupt light - perhaps giving him in slowly or at another time would be better ~

    Theme ~ 8.6/10 -- I think the theme was amazing. It was very original, but you could have added so much more - many details, many characters.

    Originality ~ 14.5/15 -- This is certainly original.

    Flow ~ 19.8/25 -- Some of your sentences were fragments. It was all very rushed.

    Feeling ~ 17.9/20 -- I don't find much feel to the whole story actually. It was more along humor the way you wrote it.

    Structure ~ 24.3/30 -- Grammatical mistakes topped with sentence structures, missing commas and all that.

    Total 85.1/100



  • Saej silver member
    September 26, 2007

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    Alrighty. That was definitely one of the most original stories I have ever read. Very nice. This would make a great monologue for Pros or theatre. lol.

    Eek, I'm supposed to be harsh with this so here it goes. Brace yourself.

    The first paragraph. I've read some of the other comments, and I agree that this is a problem. There are a ton of spots in the first paragraph where you switch topics. These need to be separation points, or you'll end up confusing the reader.

    You have a lot of run on sentences and a lot of fragments. This can be fixed with a change in punctuation. Make sure you don't put a period before the thought has ended. As for the run ons, I think it's mostly due to the large number of "and"s and "nor"s that you use. Try splitting them up into separate sentence and wording them a little differently.

    The voice of this piece is very original and it definitely stands out. It gets stuck in your head, and that's what I like most about it.

    Now for the score...

    Theme ~ 7/10 > I did this because though you had great plot, it was left a little weak and somewhat under developed.

    Originality ~ 14/15 > Nothing is ever perfectly original, though this does come close to the mark.

    Flow ~ 20/25 > There were a couple places where the story became awkward to read. It might have been wording or it might have been structure. Either way, the flow was interupted.

    Feeling ~ 19/20 > This was great. I loved the over all expression. However, I didn't think it was as in depth as it could've been.

    Structure ~ 20/30 > You are two thirds of the way there when it comes to story and sentence structure. Be careful with your punctuation as that is a very important part of writing. It affects so many areas.

    Total 80

    Good job.


  • Sunless Spirit
    June 26, 2007
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    POOR BLACKIE! BLACKIE MUST COME BACK FOR REVENGE!!!!@!!!


  • Sunless Spirit
    June 26, 2007
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  • Sunless Spirit
    June 26, 2007
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    sad

    WHY DID THAT BOY KILLED HIM! WHAT DID THAT HAVE TO DO WITH! WHATS WITH THAT BOY!!!!! AAAHHH!
    itd be better to see the dog's ghost come in for revenge *ghost*
    Isnt it illegal to kill an animal without permission? Why did that boy had to do!
    I've heard of dogs coming back for revenge, but not nothing. Good luck in my contest...


  • LostShadow silver member
    May 23, 2007

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    The first paragraph kinda confused me. Get plot and content.

    Thanks for entering and goodluck.

    Keep up the great work

    Em


  • kelseyo
    May 8, 2007

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    The first paragraph quite confused me. However, this was very creative. Thanks for entering.
    xoxo
    Kelsey


  • tacobell4me08
    February 7, 2007

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    ...

    This was alright. It was too long for my contest. I coppied it over into mcrosoft and it counted out over 1,000 words. I found numerous mistakes. The whole concept reminded me of that new Garfield movie... I thought it was alright but not exactally what I am looking for. I think it lacks detail and feeling... I couldn't get attached to anything.


  • AlohaDolphinLover
    January 18, 2007

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    I kind of thought it was a little violent. It wasn't very violent, though. I would still consider it to be within the rules. It was a great story. Good beginning, middle, and end. Very good detail of the storyteller's feelings. I will get back to you on the contest later, after I read all the stories

  • belowit
    January 10, 2007
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    I LOVE it!! nice work. one thing: dalmations not dalmatians.

  • jamesbauman
    January 10, 2007

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    Good Writing

    I found that your plotline was very well thought out and had suberb development. Your use of characters and how did you make them so apealing? I would say that you should watch your grammar and puncuation.
    Overall 10/10

1 - 11 of 11