I write these words to you in vain
I want to tell you the brutal truth
But in fear of losing you, I will not.
We've already been silent for too long.
If only I could turn back the time
I'd change one thing: Never meeting you.
Then maybe this suffering would end.
As it is too often said: people change.
I wish that you'd never change and stay
Stay the same and stay with me.
But as you left me to pursue your dream
I've been shoved into the forgotten corner.
You said you only needed your love to live
Well I need you to be my only support.
But I'll always be here for you, my love.
Your place will remain secure in my heart.
I'll bear these ruins and sorrows by myself
As I sit here and wait for eternity and more
Hoping that you'd realize what a great friend
You have been to me in this vain life
Author notes
Poems do not have to rhyme *cough cough*
I really love this poem [not trying to sound narcissistic here!] and I put in a lot of emotion into this. If you can't feel it, well maybe it wore off.
Daisuke is taking over Zero...wait, did I get that right?
A contest entry
- This is a little random... by Taylor Renee.
130 points, ended April 8, 2007, 97 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I want allpoetry by Hinata-is-me.
100 points, ended April 13, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I'm bored. ...Are you? by Taylor Renee.
350 points, ended July 26, 2007, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Fandi Contest II - Poems by Asfand.
175 points, ended July 11, 2007, 34 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything by SpunkyPunky.
225 points, ended July 17, 2007, 45 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Heart and Soul by Greeneyes15.
175 points, ended August 5, 2007, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Options (Changed) by Phantasmix.
100 points, ended August 9, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Criticize me!!! XD
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I felt it
Very good and very emotional. Your writing is spot on. The poem itself was very sad, aww, and i can totally realate. this was very beautful! great job. thnks for entering nad good luck in the conest!
--Greeneyes
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aww..this is so sad. Its very neautiful i think. good job with sentence structures and other little feinds!
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Very sad.
And very heartfelt.
I love all the emotions.
Its a finalist, and I think its very beautiful.
Thank you so much for entering, and good luck.
I hope the pain fades with time.
xoxo
Tay
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ahhhhhhhhhhh...
so sad, so sad. hiya! im going around my block commenting on your stories and my other friend stories. only four will be read unless, i really love it and want to read more. you are luckly number five. wow, five...thats a lot, lets see..read four stories commented on all, you're the number fiver, carry the one, over the two oh...wow, i have more than 16 comments...wow..amazing...i must be really bored. well anyways, enough about me, your poem is great. its just like my poem, connection, then rejection. its when i loved someonw, but i dont know him. read it and you're see. anyways. i love it. great job. need to space out each sentence. thats all.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Really Heart-felt
It really got to me and I felt like I could relate. It's really good.
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Lots of pain shows through. I think it might even have a second level of meaning where in the beginning you say "wait in vain" and at the end "this vain life". Writing can be therapeutic; I hope you won't always feel the sorrow so acutely.
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It was really touching. You showed a great bit of emotion in it. I liked it, it hooked me.
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Very good poem, I liked it.
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Awsome
Hey, I love the background Color, Tedxt and The border. But bee carful with this, because it sort of made my eyes spaz & was a wee bit hard to read. But other than that it wasd nice. The beginning was nice, it drew me into it so I didn't just get bored & move onto the next poem. Your ending was cool to.
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 3.
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A very heart-felt poem, I like it.
Welcome to SW
Penny x x x
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