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Two o' clock in the morning and she swore she wouldn't do this again. Sitting in her window watching the world pass her by. Occasionally she'd glance at the corpse on her bed and then run into the bathroom to check her face in the mirror. She was plastering on make up to try to hide the fact that she didn't care. She was literally painting shock onto her face.2
It had all started out so innocently; he'd told her he was her fairytale Prince Charming, come to rescue her. He'd asked her if she still believed in fairytales as he began to shed his clothes. Then, layer after layer came off as if he had studied the habits of the asp. He'd pushed her onto the bed and she hadn't resisted because he was her Prince Charming and, perhaps, this time he would rescue her.3
As he forced himself upon her, she submitted and they played their wild little game throughout the bitter, acrid night. He didn't know her secret habits, her fetishes and desires. Not many did. He didn't understand her and he couldn't save her from herself and this was all that she had asked of him. She didn't dare to believe that her fairytales weren't real and so she gently pushed him aside and strangled him silently while he slept.4
There had been others, before him. Yes. Other men had tried to deceive her in this manner. In those previous times she had used different methods: a knife, a hammer, a metal curtain rod, she had even thrown one of them out of a back window. She knew that she'd never be caught. She was innocence personified. Even if they found her DNA on the bodies, she could plead ignorance: she had been framed. She knew they'd believe her.5
The sunrise in the morning washed the anguish from her face: the agony that visited her every time she awoke. She peeled the crusted flakes from her weary eyelids and tore herself from the sheets. There he lay: her Prince Charming, caught in a web of his own deceit and lies. She wasn't responsible; if he wasn't perfect, then it wasn't her fault. So she plastered on the make up, second after second, and went out into the world to seek her fairytale ending.6
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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Lol, thanks.
Barbie. Xx
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Thank you very much. Barbie. Xx
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That's really cool in a morbid...disgusting kind of way. I oculd picture this disturbed little angel sitting on her bed beside a corpse. Good luck in the contest.
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hey great job. There is a line that I like in this story. It is, "She was innocence personified." That is a great line. I like this story a lot. Good luck in the contest.
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Thank you. Barbie. Xx I should really go back to my gruesome stories...
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Macabre princess - I like the 'painting shock' line
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Thank you very much.
Barbie. Xx
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I liked this story a lot. It really was very good. But, I agree with waht was said be some one else, that you should expand on the story.
Good story and thanks for entering!!!
~A.R.~ -
Thank you very much. Barbie. Xx
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Wow, very morbid. And I love the idea, the fairy tale. It's like what was already said about living for fairy tales. People in fairy tales - princes and princesses - are perfect. And humans are not. So you just keep going through person after person, like you'd go through different books of fairy tales, because each one in a different version of the same thing, even if only different by a little. Like how you can find a guy who fits the description of what you want, but it could take one little flaw to make him disposable. Really awesome blend of innocence and horror, the vibe I got from this story. Love it.
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First of all, thank you very much for reading. I was led to believe that snakes shed their skins quite often and that an asp is a snake, but I don't really know these things. Thank you for your compliment. You are not supposed to feel either empathy or sympathy for the main character - if you do, you are as sick as I sometimes pretend I am. I'm proud of everything I write. At least I read and write, right? Barbie. Xx P.S. Nah, not really, I might think about polishing this one.
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Interesting story. You set it up well by not saying exactly what is going on at first and allowing that to come out in the next paragraph or two. I don't think the line about the 'asp' is very clear. Do asps shed layer after layer, or are you talking about shedding the skin of a reptile, and if so, no, it is still not clear.
This is a good line: "She was plastering on make up to try to hide the fact that she didn't care."
The first paragraph seems to be your best. The actual story made me fill little empathy for the main character. She seems sick, but I don't really feel sorry for her.
Hope it becomes something you are really proud of.
Peace,
Lo
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Lol, thanks. All my stories end up being morbid, lol. Maybe it's a sign! Barbie. Xx
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oh wow...that was fascinating! haha i know i'm a bit morbid. i like this alot. it seems like a great start to something if you wanted to continue it. nice work
~kat ...meow... -
Lol, thank you. Barbie. Xx
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Lol,I liked this.So the guy is dead?and she killed him.Nice plot..so witty and morbid.I likes it,lol!
Nice..
~Ronni~ -
Lol, okay. Caz. Xx
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I just think it is stupid. oh well
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Lol, yes... Caz. Xx
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The fact that anyone would do that anyway is stupid
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Lol - maybe people who live for fairytales have no real morals? Barbie. Xx
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Lol, thank you. I appreciate you giving me your interpretation - it's really interesting to hear what other people think. Barbie. Xx
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Lol, thank you - I enjoy writing stories but I don't write them as often as poems. Thanks for your comment and applause. Barbie. Xx
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i really liked that... it sort of shows the desperation of some people to find their perfect fairy tale ending.. it serves prince charming right 4 being a fake.. lol. not sayin that id do the same before anyone thinks im a complete wierdo freak. but anyway very very well written i really enjoyed it. keep writin.
love
Charlotte
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Wow thats really trippy in a sense. i like the metaporical nature of it. 'Prince Charming' to me seems like a male friend who has come to help this girl through a rough time, and shows his true colours as he just wants sex. They do the deed, it feels dirty to her though in a sense she enjoyed it, and she hated herself for doing that and so kills him for coming along and bringing this situation to be. Thats what it seems like to me, i like it a lot i think its very well written. Good job.
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That would be better if she had killed him during the "wild little game" lol more believable I think... A fairytale (role paly) gone a step too far, it happens. But how you have done it... I don't see much point to it... Just that you wanted to write something slightly disturbing...
And is your "romantic" views coming through there? lol Little fools believe that now...making the story less likely...mind it makes it into a kind of fairytale itself, if only it had a moral... -
Lol, thanks. Barbie. Xx
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how worrying
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