Shelter
Prologue
Individuality. Does it exist anymore? Everyone has a label but only few defy what this world has given them and set out on the quest for individuality. Most fall below the waist side but those few that do make it, and are able to fully express themselves, not caring what other think, they are the people who are truly individual. This is a story of two young men, just in there teens, that learn to be themselves.
Two teens who just needed a sanctuary. This sanctuary gave them the strength to fight the brutality of others. A sanctuary, a simple small room in an old broken down building.
Chapter 1
I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go to the movies or something this Friday… You know it’d be just you and me, it’ll be nice…
Later,
Clark
Clark repeated the end to his note in his head a couple times. He decided it would do. The bell rang for the end of 4th period. Clark grabs his books puts them in his pack and heads out the door. As he walks down the hall he sees one of his friends, stops and talks with them.
“Hey Clark, how ya doing?” Amy asks him
“Pretty good you?” he replies.
“Yeah ok, seen Him today yet?”
“No, but I will after this period.”
“Wrote the note already?”
“Its right here,” Clark says as he holds up the neatly folded piece of paper. Amy giggles.
“Think he’ll write back?”
“Oh I almost forgot to write that!”
“Well ya better do that, shouldn’t ya. But I don’t wanna be late for class so I’ll see you at lunch.”
“Ok later.” Amy walks off. Clark fumbles with the paper to get it out of his tight front left pocket. He barely gets into class before the bell rings and hurriedly sits down. He writes at the bottom of the note.
P.S. Please write back ASAP! I really want to know your response. Give it too me at the end of the day. My locker is number 431.
“Who you writing a note too Pierce?” Richard said. Richard was the all star linebacker and senior captain.
“Nobody.” Clark replied.
“Your boyfriend?” Richard laughed, “HA HA fucking fagot.”
“No it’s a note to your mom, douche.”
“Pierce! Don’t make me snap your skinny ass in half!”
“Class be quite.” the teacher calls out. “Get out your books and turn to page 55.” The class began to work. "Thank you Mrs. Johnson." Clark thinks. "Why do people have to be such assholes? Only two more years of this at least. Summer break is in three weeks, then I’ll be a junior." The bell rings for lunch.
Author notes
Prologue and Chapter 1
A contest entry
- Give Me Your Best! by jamesbauman.
300 points, ended February 21, 2007, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Do a good job by BloodyKisses91.
125 points, ended February 2, 2007, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make me wanna read more!!!! by ChorusQueen11.
100 points, ended March 6, 2007, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Big Points for Big Writers!!! by Seachelle.
800 points, ended March 15, 2007, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Do judge a book by its first page by darling dearest.
300 points, ended March 27, 2007, 30 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Write it Up. by asthray.heart.
530 points, ended April 22, 2007, 41 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything by SpunkyPunky.
225 points, ended July 17, 2007, 45 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Emo's,Emo's,Emo's I want EMO'S by XxCheyennexChaosxX.
100 points, ended March 9, 2008, 5 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - ALMOST ANYTHING WORKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Cecilia Marlana.
100 points, ended April 10, 2008, 37 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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hmm.. I think you could of dabble a bit more into the situtation but that my opioin but in other GREAT JOB I love it...
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Good job, nice come back too
Wishin you good luck
Lady Madeline. -
This was a good start, but I was really wanting something 1000 words or more... Read my contest rules and THEN enter my contest. If you have another part to this, combine the two and I'll think about allowing into the contest. Again, great start...
<3
Ana -
i laughed when they were arguing too but i really do like this story. i was searching for the first chapter so i could start reading it. i saw 7 and 8 so i was like WHERE THE FREAK IS ONE! lol great job!
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interesting story good job
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lol I know it wasn't supposed to be funny when those harsh words were exchanged, I must have no heart....Plus I don't really know what's going on yet..so I'll just read the other part. Good write.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Good beginning
Good. Aww..I had hoped it was longer. I've already read 2+3 I'm waiting for another installment. -
its a nice story...it would be much better though if it was longer and if it had more detail..there were quite a few spelling mistakes though
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Interesting...very good start and great chapter too! You've drawn me in, lol! Great stuff!!
Shady Lane -
Very interesting first chapter. I'm normally wary of anything dealing with individuality, since it usually just means the author will take a character out of a clique he doesn't like and put the character in one that he does. Your writing was strong enough to remove that fear.
One nit-pick, though:
"...below the waist side" -- "waist side" should be "wayside." -
Hmmm....
There were a few gramatical errors, but other than that, its fine. Comment some of my stories too please!
~DuStBuNnI~
=(:-) -
Just an error you might want to fix.
'Give it too me' should be 'give it to me'
I really would like to know the rest of this. You've got a really good prolouge and I definitly want to see how things turn out. If I'm not mistaken, Clark is gay, right? Because you've set up the mind-set of anti-homosexuality really well with the conversation with Richard.
The idea of idividuality is becoming a rare species in our world and it's a great topic to write on.
Keep it up! -
I liked the beginning, because that's the part I agree with. There were a few grammar mistakes. Even though I'm only 12, I like hearing big words in stories, it makes the story more interesting to read. Glad I could help you earn some credits!
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=D
I definately agree with you in the beginningpart. Society has made up yet another way (labels) to seperate people to be criticize and to steal our individuality. The plot, I think, is really good =]
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intersting, but i dpn't really like the thoughts at the end of the story.../but otherewise it is good...
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Nice beginning!
I like the part in thebeginning of the story about individuality. I was fiercely individual in school, and paid a hefty price for it. But I was never a clone kid, and that is something that I can still hold my head up about. So I was into this story from the beginning. Edit your dialog a bit, and just so you know-- The phrase in line three should be 'fall to the way side' not 'below the waist side' I hope that you get around to finishing this piece soon so that we can read how it turns out!
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Your story reads great. The only thing I would recommend is that you try to sketch out for the reader what your characters look like so that the reader can picture them in his or her mind. The less you describe your characters, the less you will be able to fully engage your reader. Other than that, good job. I'm not a teen, but I'm sure that this would be perfect for teen readers to help them grow and deal with the many issues facing them in life.
John Carney
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 3.
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Ah! The budding of young love. I remember how that was. Hands sweat, your heart is always racing....
Nice opening. You've already established a list of players along with the problems they'll have to deal with. Looking forward to reading more of this.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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