A year ago

It has been almost a year since I lost my sister. One whole long year of waiting for the phone to ring, of wanting to wake up from this nightmare, and one whole year of crying myself to sleep.

I used to believe that the hole in my heart would always be this open space, wanting to be filled, and i would always be open for the world to see. I was walking home from school the other day and I passed her street. Normally, I stop and i would look down the curved road of concrete and mailboxes and try to muster up the courage to walk down that street and hope to see her in the window smiling and watching T.V. The other day though, when I stopped, I did not wish for the courage to walk down the street and hope to see her. The other day, I looked down the street and I smiled. Subconsciously I had some how moved on in my grieving cycle. I don't know when I moved on, but at some point in time I did.

When I looked down that street I still felt the longing to walk down there pulling at the bottom of that hole, but for once I didn't feel selfish. I looked down that road and I thought to myself "rest in peace my angel" and I walked on.

When anybody close to you dies, I believe that a part of us dies along with them. That hole in our chests never truly closes up, no matte how many people we try to fill it with, there with always be this gnawing little space reminding us of what we will never get back. But I can say that I am ready to try and start filling in that whole, I am ready to move along with my life. I am not going to walk down that long road of concrete and mailboxes like I used too.

It’s a shame that the good die young
That a sixteen-year old girl passed,
Before her life had begun.

Sixteen and so full of life
Making everyone a better person
Finding all the joy, even within the strife.

Beautiful in every which way
She walked with a grace
That no one, not even I, can convey.

With a joyous smile
She lit up the world
And her shining eyes could be seen for miles

She wanted to teach the world to fly
How to soar with butterfly wings
And on top of those wings she said goodbye