EVIL King Henry's New Groove

EVIL King Henry’s New Groove

Cast

King Henry (K) - SUPER EVIL KING!! He loves chocolate milk and seeing others suffer. He hates white milk and disobeying slaves.

King’s Angelic Conscience (A) - Just like any other angelic conscience would be only EXTRA nice.

King’s Devilish Conscience (D) - Just like any other devilish conscience would be only EXTRA nasty.

King’s Advisor (V) - She gives great suggestions, but the king never listens. The advisor gets paid for just keeping Henry happy.

King’s Messenger (E) - He sends messages and items back and forth between the king and everybody else.

Guard (1) - A guard. She loves the king somehow. Whatever he says gets done no matter what. She will protect the king from anything!!

Guard (2) - The king’s other guard. She does what the king says, but not like Guard 1. She sometimes may complains about a job.

Mechanic (C) - He’s been in the dungeons for a long time. He really wants to get out, but he can never make it past the guards. He has a British accent.

Geebs (G) - A slave. He got his nickname from saying “Geez!” all the time. His real name is Lawrence Palcsh III and he was supposed to be the king, but Henry took over. He doesn’t even know it!!

Saymen (Y) - Another slave. He hates the king more than anything but he acts nice to him. He can read and write 2nd grade words.

Leechy (L) - A slave. She is very smart and good at getting out of trouble. She’s the only slave who can read or write well. She reads to the king when he is extremely bored.

Sven (S) - A bad boy slave. He has tried to escape 11 times, but he got caught and whipped. The king keeps him because he is great entertainment. He’s never really tried reading or writing.

Mooph Mooph (M) - A slave that always complains and whines. She is Saymen’s sister. She can read a bit better than her brother.

Narrator (N) - The narrator!!! The most important character in this play!!! SERIOUSLY! With out her, you wouldn’t know what was going on!!

Chef Shmeezee (Chef) - Henry’s only cook. He’d love to be fired. He hates working for King Henry making meal after disgusting meal.

Part I - The King’s Evilness

Scene One

N: It’s noon at Henry Palace. All of the slaves are doing their everyday chores while King Henry sleeps late. He was not brazen at all about it. Everyone did it once in a while, but for King Henry, once in a while is almost everyday. He wasn’t supposed to sleep late today though because a new slave was arriving at approximately 12:30. King Henry didn’t care about anyone but himself though. The king would sleep until he felt like getting up and then he’d go release the slave from the cage he would be in. Then King Henry would tell him all the rules and give him rule books and manuals. The other slaves would give them the tour of the palace.

Meanwhile….

The slaves Saymen, Leechy, Mooph Mooph, and Sven worked on the king’s garden out in 110* heat. They’re kind of excited because a new slave will be coming to help with chores and they will get to give them a tour which is way better than gardening in severe heat.

Back to the King….

(The king is laying on his bed right now, asleep.)

(doorbell rings and wakes the king)

K: GRAAAH! I was having a great dream that I conquered the world!! That stupid doorbell woke me up!

V: (enters) I’m terribly, terribly sorry. Shall I bring the doorbell up so you may punish it?

K: No! Don’t you ever think, Debbie? You punish it! Then bring it up and put it on that table so I may see that is was properly punished.

V: Yes, sir.

K: You may resume what ever you were doing before.

V: Yes, your majesty.

K: (claps three times)

E: (enters the room) Yes, your highness?

K: Horace, tell Debbie I said that if the person at the door…

(doorbell rings)

K: Grr!!! Tell Debbie I said that if the person at the door is the new slave, take him out back and the other slaves will know what to do from there. And make sure she gives the doorbell EXTRA punishment! It interrupted me AND woke me from the best dream I’ve had in a long time!

E: Yes, sir. (leaves the room)

K: Good! …… Hmm… I think I’ve been asleep long enough. Time for a nourishing breakfast! I think I shall have breakfast in bed today and watch my favorite show, Paramount Evil! But first, I must place my order. Hmm… I had Royal Cheese Omelet yesterday… I’ll have Ruban’s Royal Style Pancakes with chocolate milk… and… that’s it! (claps three times)

E: (doesn‘t come)

K: (angrily and loudly claps three more times)

E: (still doesn‘t come)

K: (VERY angrily and VERY loudly claps three more times)

E: (finally comes breathing hard) What do you need?

K: WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU!!! (picks up book) In Messenger Manual Rule Book, section 3, part 2, chapter 7, rule 1443 CLEARLY states, “All messengers MUST report to the king when they are called in a timely manner!”

E: One thousand and one apologies, but I was delivering the message to Debbie about the slaves and the doorbell!

K: NO EXCUSE! Rule 1443 clearly states…

E: I KNOW!

K: (king drops book and gapes at Horace) Do you want to whipped? Huh? Are you just asking for it? (walks toward Horace)

E: No! No! I’m just saying that…

K: No, no‘s! No buts either! It is very rude to cut people off when they are talking!

E: No! But I’m only…

K: Did I not just say NO BUTS and NO NO’S!

E: I’m only…

K: YOU HAVE GONE FAR ENOUGH WITH CUTTING ME OFF! NOW I’M GOING TO CUT YOU OFF!!!

E: No! PLEASE! Have mercy!

K: It’s too late for that! … Unless….

E: Unless what?

K: Unless you get the new slave these handbooks… I’ll consider not punishing you only because you have been a great help in the past.

E: Thank you! THANK YOU!

K: Forget about it! Just go give the slave his books.

E: Yes, your highness!

K: Any next time I call you… you’d better come.

E: I will. Oh yes, your food will be up as soon as I give the books to the slave. (leaves the room)

K: Wonderful.

A: (appears) That was really mean!

D: (appears) Keep it up!

K: Oh no! Not you two!

A: No! He must do what is good and right! Go apologize!

D: No! Keep doing what you do now! Be evil, PURE EVIL!

A: No! Please! You mustn’t! Do not listen to him, he’s an idiot! If you do the noble thing and stop being so black hearted, you will be rewarded!

K: What kind of reward? Money? More slaves?

A: NO! Something… I don’t know! Something else!

K: If I do, it better not be socks!

A: That’s not what I’m talking about! I mean… You’ll see what I mean!

D: Break a leg! Literally! (disappears)

A: Do the correct thing! I have faith in you! (disappears)

Scene Two

(The slaves are still gardening over to the left side of the stage, and Debbie comes the right along to help Geebs out of the cage.)

V: Hmm… so you’re the new slave, huh?

G: Yeah, I guess…

V: OK, I’m getting you out of here.

G: You mean I’m not a slave? I’m free?!

V: What? No. I mean I’m getting you out of the cage.

G: Oh…

(Geebs gets out of the cage)

V: This way.

(The slaves see the new slave and drop their gardening work and walk over to him.) (Debbie leaves to go punish the doorbell.)

G: Are you guys the other slaves?

All but G: Yeah.

G: I’m Lawrence Pa…

L: No you’re not. King Henry said the new slave’s name is… Geebs. He says it’s cause you say “Geez!” a lot.

G: GEEBS?!?! Ha! ha! ha! That’s not right! That can’t happen! I’m Lawrence.

M: No. What the king demands, is law! So… you are Geebs now.

G: Geez! That’s weird. Do you guys have goofy nicknames too?

Y: Yeah, I’m Saymen. My secret goal in life is to annihilate the king.

M: I’m Mooph Mooph. I’m Saymen’s little sister.

L: I’m Leechy. I was Jennifer Aposon, but King Henry changed all that. I can’t stand this palace of servitude and arbitrary rules!

S: I’m Sven.

Y: The king is so unfair, so arbitrary, that we barely eat three meals a day! Sometimes we only have one!

G: Really? Geez, that’s mean!

M: Yeah. Us slaves all have to sleep in one freezing room and… Sven snores… LOUDLY! Sometimes he even talks in his sleep! We have to share one freezing, dirty bathroom, and only have six hours of sleep a day! It’s so stupid! I hate working here!

Y: Plus, we work 15-17 hours a day. No pay. And no way to escape. Ask Sven. He was the first slave here, and he’s tried ten…

S: Eleven.

Y: Eleven times to escape. The king doesn’t kill him because he is great entertainment. He can ride a unicycle, juggle, and drink lemonade from a hat all at the same time! He performs for the king on Tuesdays, Fridays, and Sundays.

S: Yeah, you’d better find somethin’ you’re good at so the king won‘t hate you and think you‘re good for nothin‘ but chores.

G: So, apart from 15-17 hours of chores, we have to impress the king with some talent we have?

L: Basically. I read to him when he has nothing better to do and my brother, tells him stories from our family.

M: I always used to tell him riddles he could never figure out. He got mad at me for making them so hard, so now I play games with him. I always have to let him win though. I hate letting people win games. He gloats and taunts and scoffs. It gets so annoying! But if I don’t let him win, he won’t let me eat for the rest of the day!

G: Geez! That’s evil!

M: I know.

G: Hmm… I don’t think I have many talents except that I can play many sports.

M: No. He HATES sports. Besides, you couldn’t show him anything with that talent.

G: OK… I can fix things. Like TV’s and stuff.

S: He hates mechanics.

G: What? Why?

S: Once, before you or Leech and Mooph Mooph came here, Henry had a broken security system. The wires was messed up or somethin‘. The mechanic was almost done, but the mechanic couldn’ decide weather to connect the green wire to the blue one or the red one. The mechanic told Henry to touch the blue one. The mechanic asked him if he felt anything and Henry said no. Then the mechanic said, “Good! But, for goodness sakes, don‘ touch that red wire. It will kill you!”

(Everybody laughs)

M: I love hearing you tell that story!

S: I love tellin’ it. So after that, Henry never hired a mechanic again. Every time somethin’ broke, he’d just buy another one. And the mechanic is still locked up in the dungeons. It’s been about a year since he almost killed the king. I just wish the king would have touched the red one!

L: That catalyst with the security system did a lot of great things though. Every time one part breaks, he has to buy a whole other system. But, the new ones are more hi-tech and better at detecting us.

G: Wow. OK. I guess I can’t impress him with that… how about… jokes?

M: Jokes? You’re joking right?

G: Huh?

M: Ha! Ha! Just joking!

G: ….

L: Last time I checked, when the king is not being wicked, which is about….. never, he sometimes laughs a little if you tell a good enough joke.

G: I’ve got some great ones! Here’s some Yo Mamma jokes:

Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class!

Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gas money!

(everyone laughs)

L: That’ll work! Well, it would work.

G: He hates Yo mamma jokes?

L: Yeah. Don’t tell those kind. If you talk in anyway about his mother that is not a compliment, he’ll kill you. Tell him other jokes, and never make them about slaves escaping or killing kings.

G: OK.

E: (enters with a bunch of books) Hey! Geebs! It is Geebs right?

G: Yeah. What are all those books?

E: They’re your slave manuals, rule lists, and all that junk. What were you guys talking about just now?

G: We…

S: Nothin‘! Nothin’ at all. Just meetin’ Geebs here. We’re seein’ what he likes to do and what he’s good at!

E: So I see… Well, the king has given me specific instructions for you. Please read this pile of books first before the 2nd and 3rd pile. Read them in the order they’ve been placed in. So you’d start with… ‘Who Am I? : The Basics of Being a Slave’ then you’d read, ‘Who Am I? : My Progress as A Slave’ then read, “The Basic Rules of Slavery : Volume I”. Read until you get to Volume IIX. You know what to read next right?

G: …. Huh? (is gaping at the books)

E: You know what to read next right?

G: Yeah… sure… (still gaping)

E: OK then! Oh yes, have them all read in 15 days! The king will test you on every book. Oh yeah, if you don‘t pass… well… you won‘t eat until you pass the test with 80% or more correct. To make it ever worse… you can only try once a day! Between you and me… I hate that rule! Even though rule 2610 says, “You may never hate any of the rules, especially this one!”(leaves)

G: (still gaping at the books)

L: What’s wrong, Geebs?

G: (still gaping) Too… many… books……. I… Can’t… read…

L: Don’t worry, I’ll teach you and…

G: No! If I learn, then I’ll have to read these books! Pretend, I don’t know if any of you can read or write. Pretend we never discussed reading, writing, or rule books. Got it? If I can’t read, I won’t have to read the rule books, right?

S: Good plan. But what if they make you learn?

G: Hmm… I don’t know. But the king will probably be too lazy to teach me!

L: Yeah. And just look at these rules! They’re stupid! Rule 1 is, “Always follow the rules.” Rule 9 is, “Never disobey King Henry‘s rules.” Rule 14 is “Rules are mandatory to follow or there will be consequences.” Rule 341 is “Rules that are not followed by slaves, will result in punishment.”. Rule 882 is “All rules must be exactly followed.” Rule 1002 is “Penalties will go to slaves who do not follow ALL the rules.” Isn’t that stupid?! The same rule is said in different words six times!

G: That’s… odd.

M: Hey, aren’t we supposed to give the tour now?

V: Oh yeah! Thanks Mooph! Let’s go.

Scene Three

(The king is in his room sitting on his royal chair.)

K: (claps three times)

E: (after a few seconds) Yes, your highness?

K: Where’s my food! I’ve been waiting ten minutes for it!

E: It’s right here.

K: It’s probably cold now!

E: Taste it.

K: (takes a bite) (spits on to Horace‘s shirt) EWW!! What do you take me for? A taste tester? I asked for RUBAN’S ROYAL STYLE PANCAKES! Not Grandma’s Royally Homemade Pancakes! Take it back! This time I want what I ordered! Tell Chef Shmeezee he’d better make it right this time or he‘s fired! And one more thing… dump the whole tray on his head with this message… “YOU STINK IMBISIL!!! GIVE ME WHAT I ORDERED!”

E: …. OK? Your king ness. (leaves the room)

K: What do you have to do to get good work around here? Even the slaves do better sometimes! (snaps four times)

V: (comes in) Yes?

K: Debbie, can you please bring me the new slave? I would like to meet him.

V: I thought that was Horace’s job to you bring things.

K: JUST DO IT! Horace is on a very important job in the kitchen!

V: But, I’m still…

K: Shut up! And when you are done with bringing me the slave, ready my shoes so I may reprimand the slave’s work on the garden.

V: I was going to say, I’m still scolding the doorbell. With all this stuff you’re telling me, I won’t be done until tomorrow!

K: Good, but bring me the slave first.

V: (leaves) (comes back in a few seconds)

K: Well, well, well. If it isn’t Geebs, our newest slave. Sit down.

G: (starts to sit on a chair)

K: What, are you crazy? Sit on the floor! My chairs are not to be sat in by anyone but royalty! Rule 372.

G: Ok, King Henry.

K: Another thing. The slaves must say ‘Supreme Paramount Incorrigible King Who Rules My Wretched, Pathetic Life and Who’s Name Is Too Grand To Be Spoken By The Likes of Me, His Proud Slave’. Can you remember that?

G: Uh… Supreme…Kingly… I forgot.

K: It IS your first day. I’ll let you off with this warning. Have to memorized tomorrow.

G: (groan)

K: No groaning!! Rule 752 says, ‘No groaning.’ No moaning either! That’s rule 753.

G: Sure, king.

K: What was that? Did you not say my name? No, you didn’t!

G: Sure, King Henry.

K: No! No!! NO!!! You will address me as ‘Supreme Paramount Incorrigible King Who Rules My Wretched, Pathetic Life and Who’s Name Is Too Grand To Be Spoken By The Likes of Me, His Proud Slave’. Got it?

G: Could you do something to help me remember?

K: For heaven’s sake! I have to do EVERYTHING around here! (snaps four times)

V: Yes? Are you ready for the others?

K: No, I want you to write something down for this slave.

V: (takes out paper) Ready!

K: ‘Supreme Paramount Incorrigible King Who Rules My Wretched, Pathetic Life and Who’s Name Is Too Grand To Be Spoken By The Likes of Me, His Proud Slave’

V: …….. Done! Here you are! I must return to reprimanding the doorbell. (hands paper to king) (leaves)

K: Here, slave!

G: Uh…

K: What is it now? I suppose you want some chocolate milk to go with it? … Come to think of it… I want chocolate milk!

G: I can’t read.

K: Oh, for goodness sakes! (claps three times)

E: Yes, King Henry?

K: Teach the slave how to read, now!

E: Well… it’s not that easy. Learning to read doesn’t happen overnight!

K: Well, is two nights good enough?

E: No…

K: What did I tell you about interrupting!!!

E: Sorry, King Henry.

K: It’s settled then! The moon really is made of cheese so you will teach the slave to read!

E: What? What does THAT have to do with ANYTHING!!!

K: Go get ready to lecture him! And bring me some chocolate milk! (pushes Horace out the door) You can NEVER find good help these days!

G: Umm… since I can’t read this, when will I have to call you that long name?

K: Tomorrow. Memorize it. But, I have a few more questions… What are you good at?

G: I have some good jokes.

K: Let’s hear one!

G: Hmm…. Oh! Knock! Knock!

K: Oh my goodness! Is someone at the door? (starts clapping three times)

G: No! It’s the joke! You’re supposed to say, who’s there!

K: Who’s there?

G: Lettuce.

K: Lettuce? What?

G: Say Lettuce who!

K: Lettuce who?

G: Lettuce in! It’s cold out here!

K: So there is someone at the door!

G: No! That’s the joke! Lettuce in, it’s cold out here! LETTUCE! LET US!!!

K: You tricked me into thinking someone was at the door? That’s your idea of a joke?

G: No! … Forget it…

K: It wasn’t funny and I’ve heard that joke before!

G: What? Then you should know to say “who‘s there” and…. Forget it!

K: Just get better jokes next time! And one more thing… those books? You must read them all in 15 days. Bye! Bye! (shoves him out the door)

A: (appears) You did it again! I am very disappointed.

D: (appears) Way to go!

K: Not you guys!

A: Yes, it’s us. Why did you do that to poor Geebs and Horace? Horace can’t teach Geebs to read in two nights! It requires time! Lot’s of…

D: Yeah, yeah! Shut up, stupid angel!

A: HOW DARE YOU!!!!

D: If you’d just get out of our way, things would be much better around here!

A: No! It is my job as a conscience to make sure Henry does the right thing! Even if it means killing you!

D: Ah, ah, ah! That wouldn’t the “right thing”!

A: It wouldn’t, but I’m more concerned about Henry that you! You’d just spawn back up anyway!

D: Then what’s the point of killing me?

A: You won’t spawn for about ten minutes! I can get you out of my face for ten whole minutes!!!

D: But still! You must always do the “right thing!”

A: I don’t need you telling me how to be an angel conscience!

K: And I don’t need you two telling me how to run my life! Now, leave!

A and D: Hmph! (disappears)

Scene Four

(The slaves are in the gardens.)

K: Ah! A lovely stroll through a lovely garden! (stops walking) WHAT IS THIS?!? You slaves call your selves hard workers? I’ve done more work in one day than you guys have done all your lives! I hate it! You must do it again tomorrow, same time, same place. Bye! (walks away laughing)

G: I HATE THAT KING YOU GUYS!

Y: Don’t we all?

S: We’ve gotta find some way to escape!

Y: You’ve tried 11 times, Sven.

S: Yeah, but now we’ve got Geebs.

Y: Yeah, one more person that can’t be seen when we leave.

M: I can’t stand it anymore though! He’s a terrible king!

L: I agree! I say, we go on an exodus to another kingdom! We can start a new life!

Everyone: Yeah!

L: We’ll start on the new plan tonight. Maybe Geebs has some talent we’ll need to escape. We are too morose here.

G: Yeah, working for a king is one thing, but this is ridiculous!

S: We have to try again!

Y: Yeah, we have to leave!

To Be Continued…

Part II The Escape

Scene One

N: Last time on Good EVIL King Henry’s New Groove…

On the last episode, The King’s Evilness, King Henry got a new slave named Geebs. On the day he got Geebs he was especially mean. His slaves are fed up with being treated like slaves! What will they do to escape? Will they escape? If so, how? Find out in Part II, The Escape!!!

(In the slave‘s bedroom. There are five chairs set out, one for each slave as a bed.)

N: Looks like Mooph Mooph and Leechy have just woken up!

(Sven is snoring)

M: Hey, Leechy?

L: Huh?

M: Did you think up a plan yet? I can’t take this cold room and stinky bathroom much longer.

L: I have an idea of something we can do. First, we have to get Sven in the dungeons.

Y: (wakes up) What did you say? (yawn)

L: I said for the plan of escaping, we have to get Sven in the dungeons!

Y: I don’t know about that…

L: It’s our only way to escape! Besides… he’s always LOVED to aggravate the king. All he has to do is get in big trouble by doing something really bad. The king will be SO mad about it, he will forget he has a performance tomorrow, and guess who’ll be in the dungeons waiting for him!

Y: Who?

L: Our old friend, Marvin the Mechanic.

Y: Huh? Oh!! I get it now! (Geebs wakes up) We get him to help us with escaping!

L: Yes! He will help us disable the security system!

G: What’s all the yelling about, Geez!

L: It’s our plan of escaping!

G: What do I do?

L: So far we… wake up Sven. His snoring is annoying and he needs to hear the plan.

M: I know! Sven need some thing for that snoring!

G: Sven! Sven!

S: I love you! I love you, Patricia!

G: Patricia?!

S: Yes, you Patricia! Let’s get married!

G: Snap out of it, Sven! Get up!

S: No! I love you Patricia! I love you! I love you! I love…

G: This isn’t working guys.

S: NO!! PLEASE TAKE IT PATRICIA!!

G: Huh?

S: Whaaaaa!!!!

G: What is his problem?

S: She wouldn’t take it!

Y: Wouldn’t take what?

S: She just wouldn’t take it!

L: Huh?

S: Now I have to take it back to Kay Jewlers! I paid so much for it! I didn’t even get a kiss! Their slogan lied to me! NOT EVERY KISS BEGINS WITH KAY! Whaaaaa!!!!!

G: GET UP! GEEZ!

S: (wakes up) Huh?

G: Who’s Patricia? What wouldn’t she take?

S: ….. Oops…. Was I talking in my sleep?

(everyone nods)

S: She’s… Uh… Nobody!

G: No! Who is she?

S: Nobody!

G: Is she really pretty?

S: NOH!!! She’s ugly!

G: Then why do you love her so much?

S: ………….. What were you guys talkin’ about before?

M: Leechy made up a plan!

S: What is it?

M: You get to go in the dungeons!

S: What? Why?

M: Leechy says you get to get Marvin the mechanic’s help with hacking the security.

S: Really? So I have to get the king angry today, get thrown in the dungeons and ask Marvin for help? What about my performance?

L: You pretend that the mechanic is going to help you with it. What are you doing this time anyway?

S: I’m goin’ to jump through a fire hoop then the king will tell me to perform stupid tricks and at the end, he might ask me to walk on the ceiling.

M: Hmm… sounds humiliating.

S: It is.

L: You tell the guard that lets you out of the dungeon, that the mechanic is going to help by…

Y: I know! He will make you some kind of thing to help you walk on the ceiling.

M: But he’s a mechanic, not an inventor!

G: Good point…

S: I’ll just say that! The king will believe it! He’s really gullible sometimes. He does not think.

L: OK. Marvin will tell the king he’s going to the bathroom but he will really be hacking the security. He’ll have a little while because he’ll say, “I forgot where the bathroom is but as soon as I get back in the halls, I‘ll remember.” or something like that. Next, Mooph, Geebs, Saymen, you guys distract the guards by luring them into a trap. Knock them out or put them to sleep. I’ll be getting the ready to hit the king on the head to knock him out while you’re doing something truly amazing, Sven. He won’t suspect a thing!

M: Great plan!

G: I like it!

Y: Yeah, but what if the king sees you when you try to hit him? What if Debbie or Horace see you?

L: They’ll probably be bringing him things like snacks. I won’t be seen though. They’ll take a long time to bring him his stuff from the 1st floor to the 5th. I’ll have plenty of time after they leave to hit the king.

G: OK. This seems pretty good. But what do me Mooph, and Saymen do about distracting the guards?

L: Just be loud! Not loud enough for the king to hear you, but loud enough for the guards to.

G: I get it.

L: First things first, we need the mechanic. Sven, I want you to be as bad as possible. Don’t do chores, don’t listen to the king, and worst of all… don’t follow the rules!

S: Don’ follow the rules is my middle name!

G: Isn’t that kind of a long middle name?

S: (gives Geebs a mad look)

G: …. Ooooh!! I get it!

S: (says quietly) Slow…

M: Let’s go eat breakfast. I’m starving!

Y: If there is breakfast.

G: Yeah, I’m hungry too.

L: Sven, remember, be bad. Bad table manners, spilling thing, eating too slow, making boring conversation, all that stuff!

S: OK.

(they all get up and leave)

Scene Two

(The dining room : A long table made by two desks connected. It also has chairs around it.)

N: Everyone has the plan all ready in their heads. Let’s see how well it goes!

(slaves walk into the dining room)

Y: Hey! We have breakfast today!

S: Yup! Time to be bad!!!

K: Ah! There you are, slaves! Come get your food. Today, we have cold, old semi-circle waffles with non-sweetened syrup and white milk! White milk is nasty! Enjoy!

Slaves: (moans and groans)

K: No moaning and no groaning! You all just broke a rule! For that, (takes milk) no white milk!

S: (groans) You just took the only good part of this breakfast! And I didn’ think breakfast would be so… how do I put it… disgusting.

K: That’s it! No cold, old semi-circle waffles with non-sweetened syrup either! No breakfast for you, Sven! Go start on the garden, NOW! The rest of you eat up and go help your disobedient friend. (starts to leave)

S: Yes, King Henry.

K: (stops) What?

S: You heard me!

K: You’ve got some nerve! You call me by that name one more time and you’ll be whipped ten times! You stop it right now and go fix that excuse for a garden. I am not in the mood for your antics! (leaves for real)

Slaves: Dang!

M: (whines) This is taking too long! When will Sven be put in the dungeon!

S: I’m gonna to have to be even worse!

Scene Three

(The slaves are in the gardens again. They‘re finishing up their gardening.)

S: Everyone is working on the garden, but I’m asleep. He won’ be able to resist throwing me into the dungeons! You guys just keep workin‘. (runs away)

K: (enters) What is this? Where’s Sven?

G: Uh…. He’s somewhere. Just not here.

M: What do you think of the garden?

K: (looks at the garden) It’s beautiful!… I mean, I hate it! Keep working! (leaves laughing)

Y: That made me just wanna run over there and slap that guy right in the face!

G: Let Sven do that. He is after all, trying to get in trouble.

Y: It’s not fair! I want to slap the king too! My dream is to annihilate him! But my new dream now, is to slap him and THEN annihilate him.

L: Stop, Saymen! You’re starting to sound like Mooph, all whiny and complainy.

M: Hey! I’m not THAT whiney.

Y: I want to slap him!!! That’ll get me in the dungeons for sure! I can tell the mechanic!

L: Saymen, let’s try not to change the plan.

Y: Grr!!

G: I wonder how long we have to work on this garden though. It looks great! He even said so. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m going to sweep the main hall. (leaves)

L: Yeah, there isn’t much more we can do to this garden. (leaves)

M and S: (leave)

Scene Four

(There are still five chairs in the slave bedroom, but only one is filled by Sven.)

K: (comes in he bed room)

S: (is asleeep) Patricia! There you are!

K: Who’s she?

S: Yay! Patricia!

K: GET UP!!!!

S: Huh? Hey! I was having a good dream!

K: So was I yesterday when I was taking over the world!

S: Oh yeah? (slaps the king)

K: (gapes at Sven) No you didn’t! No you didn’t!!! I know you did not just do that! I KNOW you didn’t slap me in the face! I know that didn’t just happen!!! ….. Did it?

S: Don’t know. All I do know is… I (slap) slapped (slap) you (slap) in (slap) the (slap) face!!!

K: THAT’ IS IT! I… (cell phone rings) Hello? Oh, hello mumsy! … No, the slaves aren’t talking about you anymore. I threw them in the dungeon for three weeks for that. … Really?… Aww man! … Sure! Come on by tomorrow!… I‘m sorry about the pony though…(leaves)

S: DANG!!! How’d that not work! I slapped him in the face for goodness sakes!

Scene Five

(The slaves are sweeping the main hall. Clear the stage and slaves act like they‘re sweeping or dusting.)

Y: YOU DID WHAT?!?!

S: I just said it. I slapped the king, but his mother called and he didn’ send me to the dungeons!

Y: Great! If I would have done it, it would have been: (king imitation) “Go to the dungeons right now! Debbie, take him to the dungeons! Blah! Blah! Blah! I’m an evil king! Blah! Blah! No food today, Saymen! Blah! Blah! Blah! Blah!”

S: You’re right! I just didn’ go to the dungeons because his mom called. The next thing I do will be much, much worse that slapping him.

L: What is it?

S: (whispers in her ear)

L: Oh! That is good!

M: What? Tell me!

S: (whispers in her ear)

G: Don’t forget about me!

L: Geebs, you’re too tall! You’ll just have to wait and see!

G: Aww!!!

Scene Six

(King Henry is sitting on his bed reading the magazine with a book cover on it. Take a magazine and put it behind the book. Sven is hiding under a table.)

N: King Henry is in his room reading Take Over The World Weekly. Why hasn’t he punished Sven yet, though?

S: (hiding in the room)

K: Wow! I should try that plan to take over the world one day! That is a great plan! I just need someone to make it even better! (snaps four times)

V: Yes, you majesty?

K: Come here and analyze this plan.

V: Hmm…… Oh!….. Wow….. Gasp! King Henry! This isn’t a plan to take over the world! This is two robbers robbing a an ice cream truck on a hot day!

K: Exactly! Let me see that. (looks at the book) ……..Oh…… Hey, but someone switched the covers of my Take Over The World Weekly and my Robert Brothers Robbers Book! But who? …… I know who!

V: Who?

K: Horace. (claps three times)

E: (enter) Yes, your majesty?

K: I’m just going to be straight forward about this. I was trying to read Take Over The World Weekly magazine, but I was actually reading the Robert Brothers Robbers Book! Debbie came in and I noticed the covers had been switched! The cover of a magazine is now on a children’s book and the children’s book cover is on the magazine! I’m trying to figure out who did it, but I’m not sure. So I’ll ask you. Did you or did you not switch the covers.

E: I thought you were going to be straight forward, and no I didn’t do it.

K: Hmm… You can leave now, Horace. Debbie, stay here.

E: (leaves)

K: Who else could have done it?

S: DANG! This isn‘t working! (whispers loudly)

K: Who’s there?

S: (comes out of hiding) I am!

K: Gasp! Did you switch the covers?

S: Yes, I did! Got a problem with it?

K: You switched the covers of my favorite magazine and book! You will be severely punished!

S: What, are you going to throw me in the dungeons?

K: Hmm… good idea… but wrong! You must eat…. Lima beans for supper tonight!

S: NO!!!!! NO!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE HAVE MERCY!!!!!!!!

K: It’s too late for that!!! Debbie? Tell Horace to tell Chef Shmeezee to fix five plates of lima beans tonight!

V: ALL the slaves are eating lima beans? The others haven’t done a thing! Don’t do that to them!

K: Don’t tell me how to run my slaves!

V: But, your highness! I’m the advisor! I’m supposed to…

K: Don’t you start being like Horace and cutting me off while I’m talking!

S: Gotta think…. OH! (picks up a rule book)

K: What are you doing?

S: (drops the book)

K: NOOOOO!!! GRRR!!! THAT’S IT SLAVE!!! YOU ARE GOING TO THE DUNGEONS!!! Change of plans, Debbie. HE has to eat five plates of lime beans alone! Everyone else gets mushroom, turkey, and avocado soup! Mmm!!! Yummy!

V: That’s a little mean, your highness… Nobody like lime beans.

K: Just do it.

V: I mean, you don’t like them, Horace and I don’t like them, the slaves don’t like them, nobody does! Don’t make him eat five plates!

K: Fine, Debbie. If it’ll stop your complaining, he only has to eat four.

V: Two.

K: Three.

V: One.

K: None! Take it or leave it!

S and V: OK! Sure!

Scene Seven

(The slaves are in the great hall sweeping, dusting, and arranging things.)

K: (is carrying Sven by the neck looking very angry)

S: Hi guys!

L: Aww no! What did you do now, Sven?

Y: You’ve been acting bad lately, how come?

S: First, I insulted the king at breakfast, you remember that, then I went to sleep during the garden work time. Next, I slapped the king and then I switched the covers of his favorite book and magazine. I’m just feeling bad today. He was going to make me eat lima beans, but the dungeons are much worse.

K: That’s right! Bet you feel sorry now, huh?

S: Nope!

K: Grr!! You will be once I get the guards to keep you in the dungeons for two weeks! HA! HA!!

S: Actually, for all I’ve done, two weeks is a pretty good bargain.

Scene Eight

(Guard #1 and #2 are guarding the jail. They don’t hear what Sven and the mechanic are saying because they‘re reading books. Sven and the mechanic are behind them, talking.)

N: Oh no! I mean… Oh yeah! Sven is in the dungeons! The slaves’ plan is going perfectly and the king doesn’t suspect a thing!

S: Hey, Marvin! You in here?

C: (in his sophisticated British accent) I do say I am! Who is this?

S: It’s Sven! I’ve come to get you out!

C: I say! Sven, how are you old bean!

S: I’m great! Listen, remember Leechy, Mooph Mooph, and Saymen?

C: I did see them a few times, yes.

S: We have a plan to get you out! Plus, we have a new slave named Geebs.

C: Is he British?

S: No.

C: Aww…

S: Listen! I got thrown in here on purpose in order to tell you the plan. We’re going to (whispers in his ear for like 10 seconds)

C: (while he is whispering) Oh!!….. Mmm…. Yes.….. Indeed….. Quite.…. Great plan!

S: Thanks! Well, actually thank Leechy. She’s the one who thought it up.

C: I shall next time I see her!

S: So, you can help right? If not the whole plan is ruined, I have to stay here and eat lima beans for…

C: If you promise me I’ll get out of here alive and unharmed. I simply MUST return to my family! They are sure to be worried!

S: Sure! Once we get out, you’ll be about to return to your family.

C: Fantastic! I shall help with your plan of escape!

Scene Nine

(In the dining room, the slaves are sitting at the dining table pretending to eat.)

N: The next day…

It’s the day where the slaves’ plans will be tried! Will they work? Will they fail? Let’s see. Right now, the slaves are going over the plans while they eat the first lunch they’ve had in five days!

L: You guys remember the plans right?

G: Yeah.

M: I just hope Sven remembers it all. Remember that time when he forgot his chores, even though he had a list in his hand? The king gave his a whipping for that!

L: He doesn’t have a list this time. I hope he remembers.

Y: Me too.

K: (enters with V) Well! Lookie here! You slaves are way past your ten minute lunch break! Get back to work! NOW!

Y: But, this is the BEST lunch I’ve had in months! You gave us grilled cheese sandwiches!

K: Grilled cheese? Chef Shmeezee!!!

Chef: (scared voice) Yes, my king?

K: (nice, sweet voice) What did I tell you to fix?

Slaves: (watching)

Chef: … Some… Bbb…Burntttt… Toast and sssalmon tail…. On…. A sssstick?

K: (nice voice) Right! What did you fix?

Chef: Grrrilled… Ch…Ch… Cheese?

K: Yup! And you know what? (smiles)

Chef: Yeah?

K: YOU’RE FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chef: Really?! YAY! I thought this day would never come! (celebrates by jumping up and down)

V: You’re going to fire him just for fixing the slaves something good for once?

K: I sure am!

V: But…

K: NO BUTS!

V: Can you listen to my advice for ONCE? Let him off the hook and let him keep his job! The slaves look happy with this new lunch!

K: That’s just it! They can’t be happy! And I can’t listen to YOUR suggestions!

V: Why?

K: All of your suggestions are crap! (Chef is still celebrating)

V: *Gasp!* FINE! IF YOU DON’T LIKE MY SUGGESTIONS, I WON’T SUGGEST THEM!

K: Fine! I’ll pay you for nothing! (V leaves)

G: Does he listen to himself when he talks?

K: Huh? Oh, you slaves get back to work! Chef Shmeezee? You get back to work as well.

Chef: I thought I was fired!

K: You were but then I realized you’re the only cook around here.

Chef: WHAAAAAAA!!!! WHAAAAAAAAAA!!!! (sulks back into the kitchen still crying)

K: What a baby!!

Slaves: (Watching)

K: Hey, get back to work slaves!

Slaves: (run away)

Scene Ten

(The slaves are in their room. Put up the five chairs for their beds.)

N: The slaves are on their five minute break.

G: Hey, Leech?

L: Is this about the plan?

G: Yeah, can I be bad too? I’m mad at the king! I really wanted that sandwich! I was half done!

L: Ok, since this is our last day here, we might as well enjoy ourselves. You guys can be bad!

Y: Yeah! I can slap the king! WOOOO!!!

L: Don’t go overboard so that he will send you to the dungeons. If that happens, there’s no way to get you out! We’ll have waste time to thinking of a new plan to have you to escape!

Y: Aww…

G: So, tonight when I perform right before Sven, I can tell bad jokes and stuff?

L: Yup! I just wish I had a performance tonight. I could read a boring book!

M: I could “accidentally” mess up and hit the king somehow.

Scene Eleven

(The two guards are guarding Sven and Marvin in the dungeons.)

E: (enters) The king sent me to inform you that Sven’s performance is in ten minutes. (leaves)

S: NO WAIT!

E: (comes back) What?

S: The mechanic is going to help me in my act! Just tell the king that for me.

Scene Twelve

(The King is in his room turned facing a mirror, getting ready for the “formal affiar”.)

V: (enters) What are you doing?

K: Getting ready.

V: For what? The performance?

K: Yes. If I am to go to a formal affair, I must dress as if I’m going to a formal affair.

V: But you aren’t going to a formal affair. You’re watching your slaves tell jokes and jump through flame hoops!

K: So? I can do what ever I want!

V: I’m just advising you to save time and…

K: What did I tell you Royal Advisor? Stop giving advice!

V: But it’s my job!

K: All you’re suggestions are crap! …… Do you think this looks OK? If not, what to you advise I do? (doesn‘t turn around yet)

V: I’m not advising anymore! All my suggestions are crap! Remember what you said ten seconds ago? Huh?

K: I was just kidding! Give me advice! So, how do I look? (turns around)

V: (scared) OH MY GOSH! YOU LOOK…. (clears throat) You look, great!

K: OK! Great! I’ll just do a few minor adjustments, and I’ll be ready in a few minutes!

Scene Thirteen

(Scenery is the same.)

V and E: (enter)

E: What are you doing up here?

V: The performance started an hour ago!

K: Yes! And I told you an hour ago I’d be ready in a few minutes!

V and E: (Laugh)

K: What’s so funny? SHUT UP! I’ll be down before you know it!

Scene Fourteen

(Scenery is the same but King Henry is asleep on his bed.)

K: (is asleep and snoring)

V: (enters) GASP! KING HENRY!!!!

K: Huh? DEBBIE!!! I WAS HAVING A GREAT DREAM!!!

V: The performance started an hour and a half ago! Get your FAT, LAZY butt down there! (nice voice) Oh yeah, the door bell is done being punished!

K: What took you so long with that job?

V: You gave me a lot of other things to do.

K: Oh yeah, well, I’ll be down in a few minutes…

V: NO! You have to come NOW or the show will be over before you get there!

K: (runs toward the door) They better not have started without me! (V and K leave)

Scene Fifteen

(Leech, Mooph, and Saymen are at the left side of the stage talking. The King and Debbie, are in the front row and Horace is about to give the intro.)

L: OK! It’s time to start the plan! Distract the guards! After Geebs performs, he will distract the guards while you and Mooph Mooph hold the guards. I found this cool potion that is supposed to make the guards fall asleep!

Y: Where’d you get it?

L: E-Bay. They sell EVERYTHING on E-Bay! Even pictures of game consoles! Once, I saw a tuna fish sandwich auction and someone bid $3.58 on it!

Slaves: (laughs)

M: Let’s go see Geebs perform.

(Slaves enter the Royale Performance Hall and sit in the back)

E: Introducing… The one, the only, GEEBS! (sits down)

V: (claps)

K: Stop it.

V: (stops)

G: OK! You wanna hear some jokes?

K: Yeah!

G: You wanna hear some jokes?

K: Yeah!!! (kind of angry)

G: When do you want the jokes?

K: (very angry) NOW! COME ON! GET IT OVER WITH!!!

G: OK! OK! So there’s these three guys, and they all work on this tall building. It’s lunch time and Man #1 opens his lunch box and sees a turkey sandwich. “Man! My wife makes this lunch every time! If I get this lunch one more time, I’m jumping off this building!” Man #2 opened his lunch box and saw Chicken Noodle Soup. “I‘m sick of my lunch too! If I get this lunch one more time, I‘m jumping off this building!” Man #3 opened his lunch and saw fish sticks. He said, “I too am tired of repetitive lunches! If I too get my lunch unchanged tomorrow, I shall jump off of my working facility!” The three men ate their lunch and went back to work.

Then next day, Man #1 opened his lunch box and saw a turkey sandwich. “Well, I said what I said.” A while later, everyone in town heard “AHH!!” SPLAT! Man #2 opened his lunchbox and saw Chicken Noodle Soup. “I guess it‘s goodbye, Man #3!” A while later, everyone in town heard, “AHH!!” SPLAT! Man #3 opened his lunch and saw fish sticks. “I’m not one to lie so, goodbye, cruel world!” A while later, everyone heard, “AHH!!” SPLAT!

At the funeral, Man #1’s wife and Man #2’s wives were crying. Man #3’s wife was laughing. “Why aren‘t you sad? Your husband just committed suicide because of the lunch you made him!” said Man #2’s wife. Man #3‘s wife replied, “No, my husband made his lunch!”

V and E: HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

V: Good one! GOOD ONE!

K: ….. I don’t get it.

G: Man #3 said he doesn’t want the same lunch, but he made the same lunch and committed suicide! Get it?

K: BOO! BORING! That is the WORST joke I’ve ever heard! I want you to..… sing! Yes! Sing and dance!

G: Uh… (does a stupid dance) La, la, la, la!!! La, la, la, la, la, la, la!!!

K: (after 10 seconds) BOO!! That was bogus!

(everyone looks at Henry)

K: What? Do you disagree?

E: Man, nobody says bogus anymore!

K Fine! That was… just get off the stage! Next!

(Geebs goes into the back with the others and they all exit . Afterwards Sven and Marvin come on the stage.)

K: Hey! What’s he doing here? (points at Marvin)

E: I told you, he‘s helping with the act!

K: You knew about this? (looks at Horace)

E: Just let the show go on! What are you doing today for us, Sven?

S: We’re gonna to sing a song!

C: (in sophisticated British accent) What?

S: (wink wink at the mechanic)

C: Oh yes! We’re singing a song!

K: You’re supposed to jump through a flame hoop and walk on the ceiling!

S: Come on! You’ll like this better! Ready?

C: Absolutely not! I have to use the bathroom!

K: Hurry back!

C: (Leaves)

Song

You Henry, my wonderful king. You are the greatest at everything!

Like that time you made us eat, 3 whole pounds of raw meat.

I slapped you in the face today, because you took my milk away.

I switched the covers of your books, because I liked the way it looks.

You're so mean to us all the time, and we aren't even paid a dime.

Consider this, you really should. Be nicer and we'll be good!

K: Hmm... I'll think about it. But you gotta admit, that time with the meat, (laugh) that was really funny!

(everyone stares at him, not laughing)

K: (clears throat) Well then, what else do you have?

Scene Sixteen

(The slaves are hiding on the left side under a table.)

L: Ready to distract some guards?

G: Yup! I've got a whole list of things to say! (clears throat) YO UGLY!

2: Did you hear something?

1: No.

G: I'm yelling at you!!

1: I think I did hear something that time!

2: I didn't.

Y: Let me try, YO MAMMA!!

1: I heard someone say, "Yo Mamma!" I'm going to check it out, I’ve got to protect King Henry!

2: Be careful! Don't get lost like last time!

1: Shut up! I was new! (leaves performance hall)

Y: Over here!

1: Huh? (moves around)

G: Follow the sound of my voice!

1: (Moves over towards the voice)

Y: Warmer.

1: (Moves farther from the voice)

G: Colder!

1: (Moves even colder)

G: Are you deaf? Get over here!

1: OK! OK! (moves right in front of the voice)

G and Y: (grabs her)

(The guard screams as Leechy pours the potion down her throat)

1: (Falls on the ground)

G: One down...

M: One to go!

(all slaves get back in their hiding spots)

G: (yells) Come over to this position!

2: The other guard hasn’t come back yet!

Y: Hey, you! Weirdo!

2: Maybe I should investigate.

G: You will never find me!

2: Uhhh!!! (sulks away from the performance)

S: Hey, Fatty!

2: I heard that! Shut up!

S: There was a guard, she was so hard, to get to come, over to the...

2: GRR!!!! (walks over to the slaves)

G and Y: (grabs Guard 2)

L: (makes her drink the potion)

2: (Drops to the ground)

M: We did it!

L: As soon as the lights start to flicker, that should mean the security is down! (lights flicker)

G: That was quick. Let's get outta here before the king catches us!

L: Not yet. The only way we can exit is through the hallway that goes right over the stage and the king is sure to see us! I have to knock him out.

Y: Hurry!

L: (runs over to the performance hall and goes in the back of the seats and slowly moves toward the king)

K: No more songs! This act is over!

L: (Signals to Sven)

S: No wait! I need to... I need to show you... My new trick!

K: What is it?

S: Uh... (pats his head and rubs his stomach)

K: OOOH! THAT IS GOOD! I was NEVER able to do that! Keep doing it!

S: (keeps doing it)

L: (moves slowly toward the king)

K: But why do I have the sudden urge to look behind me? (looks) SLAVE!!! Oh no! I think they're trying to escape!

Slaves: (all slaves run out of the door)

K: NO! NO! NO! (throws a BIG temper tantrum)

V: (looks at watch) Hey, it's time for a dinner break!

V and E: (leave)

Part III: The Trendy Ending

Scene One

(The slaves are running towards the left side (woods) and Henry, Debbie, and Horace are on the right side eating dinner outdoors. One desk with a chair on the other side is the eating table.)

N: As the slaves escape through the woods, Horace and Debbie are eating their dinners. The king is in a very tight fury about his runaway slaves.

K: Come back, you foolish slaves! I command you! Come back here right now! Horace, go after them!

E: But your Kingness, sir, I'm on my break! I won't go after the slaves!

K: Look what you've done foolish messenger! They're long gone now! They're gone! They're gone! Uh... You fool!

E: Take it easy, Kingster! It's only some runty slaves! You can get new ones!

K: Only runty slaves? Only runty slaves? Those are my people! They clean, entertain, and obey me and now they're gone! Who will work for me now?

E: I don't know. Go after them you're self.

V: Yeah, before they get away.

K: You're acting differently today, why?

V: It's popular for royal messengers and advisors to slack off nowadays. We're only trying to be with the times!

K: Oh, OK. Since you put it that way. I'm going out to catch them. Continue being "in"!

(The king goes offstage and the slaves come in)

L: We've lost him! He's gone! YEA!!!

G, S, and Y: WOOOO!!!

M: What ever happened to the mechanic?

S: I think I saw him running that way. (point in any direction) He's going back to his family.

Y: It feels great to have freedom from that evil man! I've always wished to slap him in the face! Finally, my dream come true!

L: But Saymen, you didn't slap him in the face! You only ran.

Y: I guess dreams really don't come true after all. How sad...

S: Oh, be quiet and stop this foolish act! Why don't we all sit down and rest for a while. It doesn't look like old King Henry is coming after us.

G: So it doesn't. He's probably too lazy. How about a story? Wanna hear one?

Y: That's my job to tell stories for his majesty! His Royal Pain! King Pain-in-the-Butt has me to make him entertained!

M: Stop fighting! I think I hear the king coming!

(King enters the side of the stage the slaves aren't on and looks around.)

M: (whining) Oh no! Now we'll have to serve him again! I was looking forward to freedom! UHH!!

L: Do hush, or he will find us!

(The king is halfway to the slaves when he stops and the messenger come running.)

K: What do you want Horace?

E: Kingster! My home dog! Ya know what?

K: Oh! Have you come to help me look for the slaves?

E: No! It's cool to be a nice king! Evil is SO five minutes ago! Ya'll wanna be wit the times, so ya'll best be nice!

K: Oh, then I shall be nice to the slaves!

E: Later, Kingorama! (leaves)

K: Slaves! I’ve come to atone. I'm taking you back to the palace where you shall be royalty!

Slaves: Huh?

K: You heard me! If you don't want to come back, that's fine. If you do, you can come and be royalty! I will wait over here. Come when you decide.

(The king walks away from the slaves and sits down. They begin to talk.)

S: I think it's a dirty trick to get us back in his clutches! What about you?

Y: I totally agree, Sven!

M: I say we go! We could wear jewels and crowns, sit on a big chair, have our own bedrooms and bathrooms, and eat what we want! Not old cornbread and mystery meat.

L: I'd usually say no, but this time it is much different. I heard the king's messenger saying that it's cool to be a nice king.

King Henry likes to be the coolest of all, so if he say's it, he means it! Geebs?

G: I don't know the king very well, so I don't know what to do! Don't ask me, Geez!

Y: Are you sure, Leechy? ..... Oh, and when we go, can I slap the king like I've always wanted to?

L: No.

Y: Please?

L: No!

M: (walks over to the king)

OK, (insert long name here). We will go with you to the palace!

K: Wonderful! Oh yeah, just call me King Henry.

(As they walk off stage, Leechy and Saymen are in the back. The king talks to the others.)

Y: (whispers to Leechy) Can I slap him now?

L: NO!

Y: How about now?

L: NO! Shut up!

Scene Two

(The slaves and king are in the king‘s room, sitting on chairs instead of the floor.)

N: Looks like everything is going to go well for the slaves and King Henry! The slaves will be royal dukes and whatnot! They will no longer be doleful, morose slaves! The king will treat them and his other workers fairly. Nothing can mess up the moment, NOTHING!

E: (enters) King, I am afraid it is no longer "in" to talk slang or slack off. Also, evil is back in style. Bad to the bone, torture, killing, and PURE EVIL is the coolest.

K: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! You slaves! OBEY MY COMMANDS!

N: I guess I spoke too soon!

M: Oh no!

S: I knew this would happen!

L: Oh dear! What will we do? We are slaves again! My goodness, now he will be more evil than ever!

G: Geez, that was a fast trend!

K: (yells) SILENCE!!! Jennifer... I mean... Leechy! You die first! Guard #2! Take her! She's too smart to avoid my tricks!

L: (yells as Guard #2 drags her away) No! Please help! No! STOP! HEY! STOP! NO!!!

(Guard #2 pulls Leechy offset and Leechy screams and dies. Guard #2 returns)

D: (appears) YES! DESTROY THEM ALL, KING!! DESTROY THEM ALL!! WOO!!

A: (appears) No, Henry! Stop! STOP!!

K: Now take Mooph Mooph and Saymen together Guard #1!! And Guard #2, take Sven! Don't forget Geebs! Make them march in line! Take them to… The Death Chambers!!!

(The guards do as they're told and put the slaves in line. They all march offstage.)

E: What are you doing to the slaves?!

K: Killing them!

E: But a while ago, you said they were your people and you needed them!

K: I changed my mind! Robot slaves will do much better!

E: Oh, well remember this, it's Banana Tuesday, so watch out! (leaves)

K: Watch out for what? What are you talking (slips) ABOUT?!?!! (dies)

E: (enters) That’s what I’m talking about. Don’t slip on a banana peel where there are sharp pointy objects to fall on! (leaves)

D: (appears) NOOOO!!!! I've never controlled and eviler soul! Henry? Speak to me!

A: Poor soul! Why do people stray from the light? But hey! At least I won't have to deal with him for the rest of eternity! He ain't coming up to heaven! (disappears)

D: (disappears)

N: So that's the story of King Henry! The slaves had a wonderful time in heaven. They played games, ate good food, and pretty much... Life was good for them! They lived like Kings and Queens! Saymen even got his dream and slapped the evil king!

(Y yells from the side of the stage)

Y: Hooray!! I did it!

N: But, for all eternity, the evil king...

Y: I finally slapped him! Go me! Go me!

N: OK, we get it now, Saymen.

Y: God let me slap Henry!

N: OK, be quiet now Saymen!

Y: Dreams really do come true!

Slaves and N: SHUT UP SAYMEN!!!

G: Geez!

N: And so, happy Saymen and all his friends lived happily ever after, and the king was severely punished! Until a bit later....... But that's another story!

THE END!!!