Twenty Questions

I.

The guitar bled patient notes into the dry summertime air, the instrument old and worn beneath the calloused fingers that strummed it. Hands suspended from lithe arms and a grubby singlet danced, strangely graceful over the taut strings.

He leaned against a four-seated convertible that he had the keys to but probably didn't own – dusty Levis sagged against the bright red door and its chrome handles.

"Wow," the girl said, winding blonde hair through fingers with nails painted purple; "That's really good."

"Thanks," the man looked at her briefly smiling shortly before dropping his head to play again, wind-tousled hair falling over dark green eyes.

"Okay, Chloe, you've heard him. Can we go back now?"

A boy stood a little behind her, large hands deep in his pockets and large ears hidden beneath unruly dark hair. As the epitome of teenage gawkiness, he was painfully shadowed beside his female companion.

"Do you not have ears? This guy's great. At least pay attention to what he's doing."

The girl smiled up at the guitarist and the boy checked his watch.

"We need to be back soon…"

"In, like, an hour. There's nothing else to do around this dustbowl town, anyways. We might as well stay here."

Chloe grinned at the man again, this time receiving a slow wink from under chocolate bangs.

"Play some more?"

A suggestive smirk and a jazzy chord.

The boy crouched close to the ground, expecting a relatively long wait while Chloe wasted her morning making ignored passes at a stranger. He glanced at his wristwatch and sighed.

They had started to talk about his car – the vehicle gleamed under a fresh coat of wax; the girl leaned into it to grip the steering wheel and stroke the suede seats.

"Chloe…"

The boy stood, checking the time again and frowning.

"Chloe!"

She pouted at him and stuck out her tongue.

"You wanna go for a ride?"

The frown turned into a laugh and – without a second thought – Chloe hurried around to the passenger side and hopped over the door into the car.

"C'mon, Josh!"

Her cheery invites froze his protests half way. He blinked; shaking off the shock and compulsively checking his watch. The car revved up and he faltered, indecisive between going home and scrambling into the back of the convertible to stay with –

"We have to be back in half an hour, Chlo –"

"We will – are you coming or not?"

"Chloe,"

The car lurched and his stomach tightened.

"Wait!"

He fell unceremoniously into the back of the car, and the three took off down the street.

II.

The monotony of the desert scenery was only broken by the occasional scraggly tree or dry bush. It was now easy to see how the guitarist's hair had acquired that casually windswept appearance – Chloe's hair streamed out behind her, glistening in the sun. Josh had slid over to behind the driver's seat, listening to the conversation that carried on without him while Chloe fiddled with the radio.

"What's your name?" she asked, settling back into the seat once she found a station she liked.

"Ray."

"When d'you learn to play the guitar?"

"When I was little. You play anything?"

"Well… I tried the piano a couple years ago, but I wasn't any good."

"Says who?"

"Says everyone."

"Hm."

The radio station faded out as they drove farther from the city.

Josh leaned forward from the back seat, almost placing a hand on Chloe's shoulder.

"We have twenty minutes."

"Hey –" Ray ignored the boy in the back, turning instead to the pretty girl who rode beside him. "Tell me about yourself."

"My name is Chloe Marie Davis and I like fast cars and good music and long moonlit walks on the beach – or I imagine I would if I had ever been on a beach before."

"You don't get out much?"

"How can you tell?" She spat. "Everyone in our stupid little town insists that we stay put, that we stay close to home and safe… I never have any fun. This is the first time I've been out of the city, did you know that?"

"Well… if you could go anywhere you wanted in the world, would you rather go up north or to a rainforest?"

"Up north, definitely. I've had enough hot and sweaty days to last me forever, y'know? I need a change!"

"Well… what about… ah! Japan or England?"

"It depends – do I have a translator?"

"Ah – smart girl. You're really beautiful, you know that?"

For once, she didn't know what to say.

"Hey, Chlo…"

"Yeah?"

"Would you rather lose your arms or your legs?"

"Oh, legs, definitely. Although, I do have very nice legs. So I expect that whoever took them would feel extremely pleased with themselves," She laughed.

"Would you rather die from a drug overdose or from suffocation?"

"Well…" Her smile faltered. "Am I asleep before they suffocate me, or… what kind of dr – you know, Ray… I don't really like…"

"That's okay."

The chatter faded and the car was silent except for the engine and the static from the radio.

Chloe would have adjusted it, except her wrist was caught in the grip of the older man.

"I'm only –"

"Would you rather be raped or murdered?"

Her jaw dropped and her eyes widened in blatant fear. She regained her senses soon after that, however, and collected herself enough to frown before rebuking.

"How do you get off saying something like that?"

He gave her a cocky smirk before dropping her hand and adjusting the radio himself.

The bubbly atmosphere was gone now, replaced by tension and spite.

"Look, I'm sorry. It was just a joke." He ran his hand through his hair and exhaled deeply.

"Can I get you a drink? I'll buy you one. You too, Josh."

The boy looked shocked at the fact that the others had not forgotten his existence.

"There's a service station coming up soon, so…"

Chloe sighed, turning her head towards the empty space where the window would have been.

"There's nothing out here…" She groaned, a nearly silent complain. She hesitated for a moment, before reaching out to click the radio off. Ray said nothing.

Chloe was wrong about there being nothing out there – in a bout ten minutes, an older building swam into view, previously invisible against the sand of near equal shade.

The guitarist pulled over; the right side of the desert road was right in front of the run down gas station, and he drifted to a halt in a flurry of dust. He pulled up the handle on the door and pushed it the rest of the way open with his foot.

"I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere, 'kay, Chloe?"

He shut the door and left them with a smile and a wave.

"It's not like we can go anywhere…" Josh scanned the horizon from the back of the car. The only building in sight was this so-called service station, and hiking through the desert would most likely not be the smartest thing to do. They were officially trapped here – having never been out of town before, with a man that they had never seen before… there was no way to get back from this place, and –

"We're gonna be in trouble," eyes jumped from tangled blonde hair to a steadily blinking digital watch to the endless expanse of sand that surrounded them…

"Don't worry, Chloe…"

"Who said I was?" She snapped.

"They'd have missed us by now… they would have called the police…"

Chloe turned to glare at her companion.

"Why would they need to call the police?"

"How are we gonna get home?"

"Ray will bring us."

Her unlikely suggestion was met with a woeful gaze.

She sighed, not exactly surprised that her friend didn't believe her, but because she herself did not.

"Well… eventually. I bet he's sorry for being such a jerk-off and that's why he's bought us drinks."

Josh slumped down in the back of the convertible.

"Fine. It's not my problem if you don't believe me."

She tore her eyes from his pitiful expression and turned around with a flip of her yellow hair.

It didn't take long for Ray to return after that. He proffered two glass bottles of Classic Coca-Cola and handed them each an open, frigid drink.

"Sorry," he studied Chloe as she sipped gingerly at her drink. "I didn't ask you guys what you wanted."

"Coke's okay," the girl said before bringing the bottle to her lips again.

Josh held his drink between two sweaty hands; rolling it between his palms and finally settling it to balance on his knee. The wait in the car had stilled the air and made them even hotter than they had been this morning standing on the street and listening to Ray play. The suede seats were sticky against his bare arms and he fidgeted. He pressed the pop against the back of his neck.

The car started to move again and the cold drink slopped against his head, somehow more refreshing than irritating.

He moved the drink to his knee again and sat back, soggy head against the seat and hoping that it was, in fact, real suede. He licked the rim of the bottle and lifted it, letting the sun shine through in order to study the bottom of the glass container.

"You don't drink that and I will. It tastes better than the new kind, after all. Costs more, too," Ray stated, adjusting his rearview mirror. Josh shrugged and pressed his damp back against the seat again.

He took a short swig of the cola, vaguely noting that it did in fact taste better than the kind that he had grown up with. He figured he may as well enjoy it – there was no way of knowing the next time he was going to get a drink in this place.

III.

It hadn't been more than forty minutes when Ray slid the car to a stop along the side of the road. Josh couldn't see what he had parked in front of – a heavy fog had surrounded him as they drove, and no lights rose from any nearby buildings to brighten their way.

He held the soda in his right hand as he steadied it with his left, squinting at his wrist as his watch swam into focus.

"Chloe…" It was strange when he heard himself say it – his voice was muzzy and distant.

"We're gonna be late if we don'…"

He strained to see her – a vague shape slumped silent in the passenger seat, a bottle held slack in her hand. He heard the drivers' side door shut and it echoed hollow in his ears.

The front passenger door opened and a shadow settled itself over her slim body.

"Chloe…"

A mutter and a groan came from the front seat. There was some shifting and the sound of a zipper – may be a sob? Josh squeezed his eyes shut and tried to make sense.

"Please. Please don't…" The pleas from the front seat broke through the fog and chilled him. Chloe – Chloe was…

"You have to stop –" he heard him self speak and was shocked at his own voice's distance. "She told you to… to – so you have to –"

The front seat was silent for a moment and the lack of noise froze him as well. He heard Chloe cry out again and his hand tightened around the neck of the soda bottle.

"Stop it…" he whispered into the fog; "She asked you to –"

He clumsily pulled himself up, sagging against the back of the drivers' seat. He reached for the girl beneath the man; he stretched a hand towards the golden hair splayed over the top of the reclined passenger seat…

The half-full bottle was pulled from his hand. The last thing he could remember was someone crying and the sound of green glass shattering and something icy sliding down his back as the bottle broke against his skull.

IV.

It hurt.

Maybe it was just his head, or maybe it was all of him, but ultimately, the effect from the expertly laced Coke had worn off, leaving him only with pain and the nagging sensation of something warm and sticky making its way over his left eye.

He could feel that he was lying down – a hard surface did nothing to cushion his back and his aching head. His attempt to move brought a whole new bout of pain, and the affirmation that somehow his hands had been tied behind his back. Why would his hands be tied…?

Memory came in a rush. The guitar, the convertible… the bottle half full and his brain half empty… the fog, and – Chloe, oh my god, Chloe – where was she? How could she…?

The sob shook him, sending hurt throbbing across his skull.

"So… you're awake?"

He shuddered.

"Don't you remember me? Aren't you at least going to open your eyes? C'mon, Josh."

He opened his right eye. His left one was crusted closed with blood.

Ray crouched in front of him, holding the top half of a broken bottle. They were inside a warehouse now, the tall ceiling and open, unfinished floor dingy with age.

"Hey…"

"Wh… Where's..."

"Oh! I bet you want to know where your little girlfriend is. Well… that's a secret. Only I know the answer, of course."

The only light came from a single low-powered bulb high above them, casting dreary shadows on things pushed far into the corners. There was a sour smell that stuck in his throat, and it was all he could do to keep from choking.

"You seem like a trustworthy kid, though. You answer a few of my questions and I might be able to tell you a little bit about what your Chloe Marie Davis is up to now."

It was extremely cold… Ray had found a blazer and pulled it over his previously white undershirt.

"First question: would you rather lose your arms or your legs?"

"Arms…"

Because without his legs he could no longer run.

"Drug overdose or suffocation?"

"Drugs…"

Because that way he couldn't feel what was happening to him.

His gasps echoed in the bleak spaciousness of the warehouse – he knew what the next question was. He knew what had happened to Chloe… He knew what would happen to him…

"Please… Please don't…"

So what if she had told him to stop?

"Don't worry about Chloe, Josh." Ray smiled, pressing the jagged part of the broken bottle against his upper arm.

"You'll be seeing her soon."

Author notes

No, There are not twenty. There are about... thirty, forty something?

*Option Three* for Broken One's contest.

A contest entry

Guitar players' coolness level increases by seventy percent. Meh. ¬_¬

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 42 of 42

  • potaytee
    December 21, 2007

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    That was quite scary. But I liked it. It is very well written and interesting to read. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck


  • Honestly Amazing
    November 14, 2007

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    O.O Oooookay that was creepy!! But really good. I liked it... even if it did scare me a little bit. Now I am going to give you three happy clappy thingys!


  • lovely nightmare
    August 12, 2007

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    Oh this was very creepy! You wrote it very well...I loved the opening line. This was a very good write, good luck, thank you for entering!


  • Delfishie
    June 16, 2007

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    ohhh

    Very nice. Serial killers aren't really my thing, but you did this very well...AND I totally appreciate that you wrote it from the victim's point of view. I swear, I am utterly sick to death of serial killer fics written from the killer's perspective, because they're always soooo smart and soooo philosophical and soooo unstoppable and ugh!

    But no, this story has young, believable characters doing believably stupid things. The killer isn't that smart, he isn't unstoppable, and he has an interesting M.O. So kudos to you for the excellent characterization.

    The only note of criticism I have is that, when you do the fancier bits of writing, some of it nears incomprehensability. ....Except I forgot to copy any of it while I was reading and now, skimming through, I can't find an example of any of the writing bits that threw me off. Darn it.

    All in all, a great story, very well-written, and very believable.

    Poor kids. They never stood a chance.


    • roars-in-public
      June 16, 2007
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      Well... I have a serial killer thing like that, too...
      But thanks for your review! I like kudos. Alot...


  • katiefran
    May 23, 2007

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    defnintely a wonderous addition to my contest! i was literally sitting on the edge of my seat by the middle of this and was there until the end. completely creeped me out which is exactly what i wanted!!
    in part IV, that first paragraph, you have "laced" instead of "placed" and that stuck out in my mind because it's the only typo that i caught.
    exceedingly well written!!! thanks for entering my contest and good luck!


  • asthray.heart
    May 17, 2007
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    that was very wrong...and a good suspemsful read.

    Thank you for enterng.

    Lady Madeline,


  • KingWolf
    April 8, 2007

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    Wow... That got my heart pumping. Truly a scary tale. Good job. Let that be a lesson to you all, never trust a stranger. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • Mel-the-Believer
    April 1, 2007

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    Wow! This was really good. You wrote it extremely well. I enjoyed reading it. Well done. Thank you for entering the contest. Good luck. Keep on writing. God Bless!

  • Kitzwa
    March 28, 2007
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    A little confusing in parts but overall a very good story.


  • Taylor Rae
    March 22, 2007

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    Not too bad, very wonderful, actually. But, it seemed as though much of the story was simply talking...
    I still thought it rocked.

    beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.


  • Pray For Me
    March 18, 2007

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    Thanks for entering my contest. I loved this story. It was suspenseful and I liked how things were detailed.

    October


  • Hopeh
    March 18, 2007
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    wow, that was pretty good


  • IsisNarcisska
    March 16, 2007
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    *shudders*

    Wow...my bf name is Josh and um...he plays gitutar...creepy.


  • Amicus2K9
    March 15, 2007

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    Difficult story to comment on.

    As early as line four in the first paragraph,although it sounds like taught, it is taut...so...early on I had my attention focused by the misspelling.

    I was ready to overlook and even forget that as I thought an interesting story about an itinerant guitarist and and adventurous girl, with a wimpy indecisive boyfriend,was going to be swept away to her dreams.

    Boy was I wrong.

    There is no doubt or question about your talent and ability to tell a story and most of your mechanics are right there.

    Had I known it was a contest story at the outset I would also have viewed it differently as forced content in a contest often distorts a writer into writing something one did not intend and perhaps would not choose.

    I had some some difficulty with the POV as it seemed to vacillate between omniscient and 1st person, but the first person varied also,it seemed to me...I lost track of who was telling the story from time to time.

    My big complaint is the theme and/or author's message in the story...there are no good guys, no divisions between good and bad, right and wrong, no one for me to like or dislike early on and thus, as some of your readers noted, I was left in a confused state as to what the story was trying to say.

    The talent and skill are there...the literary direction, at least in this story, is lacking.

    I shall read some of your other things and hope for the best.

    Please remember...you did ask me to read and comment.

    amicus... John Cole...


    • roars-in-public
      March 15, 2007

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      Um... theme, theme... now where did I put it?
      I... doubt that it has one. I will need to ask some of my english teachers to find one for me, I think. The fact that it was option three of a contest really had nothing to do with it...
      Um... yes. I have good guy/bad guy issues. I have not yet writen a bad guy that I disliked. If anything, it is probably singleminded nobility that irritates me the most. I believe that all of my characters are flawed, even the ones that one would wish to call 'good'.
      Agh! I fixed 'taught'.


  • Drac
    March 3, 2007

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    wow... wow!
    Very well written!
    Suspenseful and frightening.
    I kept picturing everything very well, which is a sign of good writing, something it was indeed!
    Very well done, good job!

    beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.


  • Loonamist
    February 8, 2007

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    Kind of confusing. This is a really good story and the characters are well written. The feelings well described and good plot. THanks!

  • Loonamist
    February 8, 2007

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    Nice story and pretty good suspence. The characters where well written and the feelings felt where well described. Some parts where confusing. Is there another part? If so I'd love to read it.


  • beezy92
    February 2, 2007

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    sorry to comment twice

    but someone brougtht o my attention that i shud reread this. the plot s disturbing and upsetting to me. i didn't enjoy reading it. but i read it to the end its well written, the characters are well developed, teh plotline weaves enough to have a bit of mystery and keep you engaged...its extremely well written. and i had no rule in the contest about no crime. so good job...(=

    • roars-in-public
      February 2, 2007
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      *sigh* I didn't enjoy writing some parts, to tell you the truth. I started... stopped... shocked myself... and continued very slowly. But then I finished! And then I entered contests with it.
      Thanks for rereading and leaving another review!

  • DustyOldHalo
    February 2, 2007

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    Really well written peice.

    It has all the characteristics of a great short story.

    Have you considered submitting this one for publication?

    beginning: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, characters: 4.

    • roars-in-public
      February 2, 2007
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      Thank you! I worked relitavely hard on this...
      Actually I haven't thought about that at all... maybe I should start?


  • QueenWolf
    January 27, 2007

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    Interesting... but i would have loved more blood and guts though..

    Well written and good luck with my contest

    Penny x x x


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    January 27, 2007

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    ah nasty stuff, wouldn't want to be victim to Ray... he sounds uhm... well , he sounds unfriendly alright.


  • beezy92
    January 27, 2007
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    omg

    i cudn't stop reading


  • Chemical Imbalance silver member
    January 21, 2007

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    This was a very interesting story. You had great details that really hook your readers. Good job. Thanks for enterting the contest and good luck!


  • sodancewithsoda silver member
    January 21, 2007

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    Thank you for complying with most of what I asked for, however, you did not put the YAPAPA bit (it doesn't affect how much I liked and enjoyed the story, but I do want to see if the participants actually read the rules or maybe you did but found that part silly ^_^) You were able to write a horror/suspense story without using any word synonymous to FEAR, and this IS a prewrite

    This had a "Desperado" (the movie) feel to it I can imagine Ray as a green-eyed and twisted Antonio banderas. The title was an intruiging one, particularly because I never got to play that "game" in this country. You had me right from the start, when you described how you described the notes from the guitar. THAT was a sneaky and subtle way to set the mood and somehow imply to the readers what Josh and Chloe's fate would be. I understand Chloe's excitement over this stranger - I believe you were able to actually show her boredom (regarding life) even before you even got her to say it in part II.

    Also, I like how you allow the reader to envision the characters and the heat of the sun (There were nothing like "I am bored." or "it was hot." - I know simple is good but sometimes, simple is not good enough ^_^) In doing this, you're letting the readers use their imagination which, I believe, is important in stories. The conversation in the car was... very unusual (and I do mean the BAD kind of unusual) and I, too, would have felt very uncomfortable with much of Ray's questions. And it was much freakier that all the questions Ray asked somewhat happened to Chloe. I find it unfair though that Chloe was raped AND murdered... but then again, she didn't answer that question. x.x

    One thing though - I found the drugged Coke quite... predictable. BUT I like how you described Josh's "thoughts" about it. You even convinced me that it was "REFRESHING" to have some sticky icky Coke spilling on me But yeah, I felt the heat... x.x

    As for the comment about Ray's cheery-ness, I think it added some effect - it made Ray appear madder, more twisted, somehow I don't think you have to change it, unless your story TELLS you to do so.

    Thank you so much for this "twisted" read and for entering this contest ^_^

    P.S. It was a bit read to see "bits" of my name (sodacolapop) in some parts of this story Just sharing though

    • roars-in-public
      January 21, 2007
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      Wow...

      What a nice long review. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside...
      Mwah.
      I... skimmed the rules. Somehow I got most of them but missed that YAPAPA one. Oops. I probably would have done it, I think. Maybe.
      I do believe that this is the best comment I've ever recieved. Yaaay...


  • On.Cue
    January 14, 2007

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    =]

    I liked it...but the part where the guitarist talks to Josh, you should make that a little bit mysterious...idk it sounded a little cheery XD


  • Mai4ever
    January 12, 2007

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    I really like how you added personification to the story, like the guitar in the very beginning. This was very interesting in a way it was like a scene in a movie..just what johnpaul said. Very good and well done!


  • January 11, 2007
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    i really liked this. played out like i scene in a movie. really good!


  • Melli
    January 9, 2007

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    mystery...

    I liked it. this is not the kind of story i usually read, but i liked it!


  • Dirty and Broken
    January 9, 2007
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    very veyr interesting...definatly the best story i've read in awhile


  • darkpaintedreams
    January 8, 2007
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    Awesome story, very mysterious. Kinda sad for them though. Good job!


  • The Imagined
    January 6, 2007

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    Harsh lesson to learn.  But so very sad.

  • MarcusO
    January 5, 2007

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    Creepy!!!!

    Someone could learn about what NOT to do from this story. Overall very suspenseful. Fantastic imagery too.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.

  • Ahava
    January 3, 2007

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    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH creepy lol! very good job on this, it definitely scared me. No getting into cars with strangers for me...lol, not that i would, but ya. anyway, i couldn't find any mistakes in this so good job an great story!


  • ObsidianEntity
    January 3, 2007

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    Wow, great story! I loved it! But at the beginning Josh was so annoying lol, you just wanted to hit him so he'd shut up! I loved the whole thing, how it developed etc, even though I had a feeling something bad was going to happen, it was still a very good ending and a surprise. Great ending and great suspense, once again I'm going to say I loved it! Thanks For entering!

    ~Angel~

    • roars-in-public
      January 6, 2007
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      A regular party pooper, that boy was...
      ... but ultimately, his wimpiness proved to be for the better good - except it was TOO LATE! Muahahaha....
      Oh, and thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my story.

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