Samuel sat on the back row. His hair was jet black and his eyes were light blue. He wore spectacles and braces. He loved computers and radios- anything that was electronic and could be fixed. He was the class geek.
He was.
Now he was nothing. Just a shadow, nothing else.
The bell rang its shrill scream. The class sprang into noise, laughter and smiles. Samuel just packed his bag. And waited. He always waited. This time though his hands were sweatier and kept on clasping and unclasping. His eyes wanted to close and…for once, he wanted to escape. The desire burned in him, deep within his tormented self, and it burned so deep and strongly that Samuel thought he was going mad when his legs started twitching and his body started to get up.
Then his blue eyes drank in the scenery outside - the lush green trees moving in the wind that was blowing and winding its way through the leafy branches and ending up on his face, brushing back his hair. Samuel looked at Rex and his two sidekicks. With their menacing stare and six packs, everyone was scared of them. They made you whimper and cry out in fear. They were built and were the school bullies. Samuel had always been their victim. They dragged him to toilets and crashed his head against the sink, letting his blood flow over the place. Samuel always waited for them to leave the classroom like everyone else. They killed you if you didn’t treat them like royalty. You always let them be the first. Always. It was a rule no one dared to break.
Not today.
Samuel just needed the trees outside and the wind on his face to make him walk outside the door. His sneakers thudded on the floor and made a dull noise. His hands went deep into his trouser pockets. His heart soared higher and higher as he took another step and left Rex and his gang behind. The silence that was behind him was because he had broken the most important rule in every book and every school, Never Meddle with the Gang. Yet Samuel knew he would never care about that or look in their eyes and feel that too real sensation of being afraid.
As he walked away, he could not help but hear the “thuds” behind him- many pairs of shoes were hitting the floor. He turned around to see his classmates leaving the class, with the Gang shocked and trailing behind. There is strength in numbers and in taking a stand. It just takes one person to realize that little detail.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Here are the lines that needed correction, and I'll correct them how I think you wanted them to mean.
"He wore spectacles and braces." 'He had braces and wore spectacles'
"They were built and were the school bullies." Unsure.
"letting his blood flow over the place." 'letting his blood flow all over the place'
"rule in every book and every school, Never Meddle with the Gang." 'rule in every book in every school, 'Never Meddle with the Gang'.'
If that's any help =]
Lady Milo -
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Thank You!!
Thank you so much for the grammar correcting!! It was really nice of you to point them out!
I'll change the grammar asap, hopefully the whole piece would be better
Thanks again for taking time to read and comment!! 
Love
Poetess99
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Wow.... That was great! And you said I had tallent?! lol
I love the last paragrph... It's very very true.
It only really takes one person to take a stand on anything, to change the world. Others will follow...it's how it works in the human society. You gave that message perfectly.
This write was... with out a doubt and for lack of a better word.... captivating.
My only critisism is watch your gramma, a little hypocritical I know (I have bad gramma and spelling >_>). But that's my little constructive comment I supose.
Very well done.
Lady Milo
beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.

