She’s lying in bed trying to pry her eyes open. She stretches, she yawns but her eyes just don’t want to open. Finally tumbling out of her half sleep, her droopy eyelids begin to slightly open. Her relaxed lips begin to contort into a half smile. Her eyes glisten as she gazes at the brown haired, green eyed man that stares back at her with a smile.
The crisp cotton sheets are jostled all over the bed, along with a heavy down comforter. The sheets are pulled up to their necks and all that hangs out of the sheets and off the bed is two pairs of feet. One pair slim and slender with little green painted toenails, the other set of feet is large and masculine, making the other pair look delicate and fragile.
The sun peers in through the sheer curtains which cover the big picture window. In a few minutes the sun seems to be pouring in and it hits the white cotton sheets and casts shadows over the multiple wrinkles. A set of long slender legs are tossed off the bed and the delicate bare feet slowly touch down on the cold floor. As her slender feet hit the floor she inhales the warm air. She then slides her tiny feet into a pair of slippers and then grabs a housecoat and goes out into the dimly lit hallway which leads right into the kitchen which is exploding with sunlight from each wall of the room. The brown haired man stays behind and stretches trying to awake his limbs and prepare them for the day.
The two walk outside hand in hand with two hot cups of freshly brewed coffee. Sitting down on the big hammock the two curl up in each others arms. Breathing in the fresh cool mountain air the two admire the clear morning view. The birds are singing their morning tune and the mountain tops are covered with a thin layer of white snow. The two fall back to sleep wrapped up with the warmth of each other’s love.
All of a sudden an alarm clock rings. Its five-thirty and time for work, fumbling around in the dark looking for that black skirt and the white shirt that was worn a few days ago she stubs her little toe and scratches off some of the green toenail polish from her toenail. It is already six o’clock and she rushes out of the house grabbing a cup of old coffee to go and she rushes out the door to catch the taxi. The streets are crowded with cars and people venturing their way to work. She breathes in deeply and all she can smell is smoke and stale air. Finally she hails a taxi and it appears there is already someone in the backseat. Curiously she opens the door and looks in. A handsome brown haired, green eyed man glances up at her with a smile and says hello.
Author notes
Song~ Day Dream Believer by: Monkees
A contest entry
- Passionate People by Seachelle.
185 points, ended January 25, 2007, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Work by beezy92.
160 points, ended February 7, 2007, 30 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - SHOW, don't tell... by sodancewithsoda.
175 points, ended February 4, 2007, 18 entries
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115 points, ended February 10, 2007, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I WANT A GOOD CLIFFHANGER!! by Taylor Renee.
145 points, ended April 16, 2007, 74 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - This is a little random... by Taylor Renee.
130 points, ended April 8, 2007, 97 entries
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160 points, ended March 27, 2007, 19 entries
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300 points, ended June 9, 2007, 58 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - THE BEST CONTEST I'VE HAD!! by Taylor Renee.
175 points, ended July 13, 2007, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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It was short but it was beautiful
Just wanted to add that
Um oh yeah I love how the backround fits with this!!
I liked it a lot, nice job and thanks for entering!!!
xoxo
Tay -
It was pretty short but it still held an amazing amount of detail and feelings in there =) Wow is all I can say =)
Good job and thanks for entering my contest -
Nice. You had me thinking it was gonna turn out bad for a minuet, like it was just going to be a dream. Very strong ending. I enjoyed this write alot. And yes the background does fit nicely. :-)
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wow this was very good! i liked it a lot! is it part of a series?
Tay
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very, very good
You do turn nice phrasing. Maybe a bit much with "scrape toenail polish off toenail," where could be "scrape off some toenail polish?"language: 3, plot: 3.
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very, very good
language: 3, plot: 3.
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Very, very nice. You might consider eliminating a few things, i.e., "scrathes off some .... toenail polish fron her toenail," to "scratches off some of the toenail polish?" Love the description
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Thank you for complying with everything (I saw your message in the contest thingee)
For its length, your story was amazingly detailed. I could imagine everything that she was seeing and feeling... And haha, that dream DID seem mighty real. I've had dreams like that, where I'm not entirely sure if I'm fully awake.
I enjoyed how this worked out, how the man in her dreams seemed to just pop up in her life, that same day when she had that dream.
This kind of reminds me of Sleeping Beauty (the DIsney version), where Prince Philippe and Aurora (Brier Rose) sing about "Once upon a dream." ^_^
But.. I just hope this was a bit longer, as to show what happened with her and the guy, if things did work out as how she dreamt it to be
Anyway, thank you so much for entering this piece into the contest. Quite enjoyed it! ^_^ -
I LOVE THIS! Great description. Awesome job,this definatelty deserves to be in the spotlight. GREAT JOB!
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Oh this is so romantic! I honestly can't think of anything that should be done to improve it. It's pretty perfect as it is now.
The first part is relaxed, senuous and you just want to sit back and enjoy the day with them.
Then you toss in the way too busy morning sending us into the same panic she's in.
Only to follow up, in the end, with the payoff.
Wonderful job!
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 2, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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This is really good. A cute and creative write. I'm glad i read it!
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PS
just reread it...really creative idea. how'd you think it up? -
omg
I love this hwo cute and sweet! I love all your desriptions it truly is picture perfect like a little window into everyone's dream life (= -
Very nice
the only thing out of place in the story is their names! There are too many " He's " and "She's". Your detail was very good and the ending was chilling. If you'd like to spice up this same story, that would be great too. Good luck in the contest!
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