Sleep & Darkness

I was staring at the mirror feeling completely numb. My face in the reflection was contorted with pain but I wasn't feeling it. I raised my arms and saw that they were soaked in my own blood. Suddenly everything started to blur. I could no longer see myself in the mirror. A few moments later I sank into total darkness and felt the cold floor under my body.

The next thing I remember is a bunch of indistinct voices. Were they in my head? No... I don't think so... They were many and they were screaming. I couldn't understand, why were they so worried? Everything seemed perfectly fine to me, I was lying in comfortable darkness, feeling absolutely nothing. After a while the voices became quite irritating, what were they all fussing about? Calm down, everybody! Nobody's dying!...Dying...Maybe that was the problem... Yes, definitely.

Suddenly the darkness lifted, I felt my body being carried somewhere and then unbearable pain pierced my arms, my head. A wave of understanding washed over me like cold water. I was dying. That's what they thought anyway. I knew I wasn't dying at all. I've been dead already for a long while. Surely I couldn't dye again.

I was trying desperately to cling to that wonderful darkness and numbness but they were making me see and feel the real world. I opened my eyes and saw a familiar face. It seemed very worried and lined with tears.

'She opened her eyes! Lucy! Oh, Lucy! Why?'

It was my mother. So strange to see her so worried for... me. I was staring at her blankly, not taking in one word of what she was saying.

'Lucy! What happened? Why did you do this? Oh, my poor, little Lucy!'

Her poor, little Lucy? What was she talking about? She was just my mother, she never acted as a mother should act. So she had no right over me, I wasn't hers, I wasn't anybody's.

'Why...why?

Apparently she really wanted to know why. I was still looking at her desperate face feeling no pity at all.

'I'm dead', I whispered feebly.

'What did you say, dear?'

'I'm dead', I repeated a little louder.

'Oh god, she doesn't know what she's saying! She's still shocked! It's ok, dear. Luckily you're still alive and everything will be fine!' she was trying to sound reassuring and understanding when she didn't understand anything at all. She wasn't even trying to understand. I wasn't shocked and I knew perfectly well what I was saying.

'I'm DEAD!' I screamed angrily.

'Please give her something calming! She's out of her mind!' she said sobbing.

Oh god, she was so stupid. I wasn't crazy! I just felt dead, completely numb and this feeling had nothing to do with what they meant for being dead. I WAS dead!

I was becoming really irritated now. My mother was sobbing and saying stupid things and I could bear all the fuss no longer. But then suddenly I felt a warm substance go down my throat. I felt my heartbeat calm down and the stinging pain lessen a bit. I was falling into comfortable darkness again. After years of constant, torturing insomnia I was finally falling asleep. Oh, blissful sleep, embrace me forever! Who cared about my stupid mother... 'I'm dead...' I whispered again and was embraced in that wonderful darkness.