Choices

Some choices are harder to make than others. Its hard to look at the smooth, easy path of wrong choices, and decide to take the hard rocky path of right choices. I guess I'm an example of when you take the easy path. I dont know if you would call me a messed up person or not. Im getting to the point where, my mom only knows a quarter of the things I do, and she already wants to give me away. I know that if she knew anymore of what I do she would send me away forever.

I guess its hard sometimes, having to live in secrecy from your family, friends, and all other loved ones. But it is so much easier than living the truth. My friends used to know what was going on. But it was much to hard to have them worried about me all the time. Constantly having them tell me to change, wanting them to take me for who I am, but knowing they wouldnt be good people if they did. Life is hard though, i have to pick the way mine goes, and I guess ive picked

If you want to psychoanalyze the situation, you would come up with multiple reasons for my actions. Childhood sex abuse, a father that was barely there, and is completly gone now, a mother who was ignorant then, and not even a parent now. Lets not go into psychobabble right now though, ive heard far too much of it. Especially in the short time ive spent on this planet.

Im not quite sure why i even wrote this, and even more, why im posting it for others to read. I guess i thought this would be a release of some sort. Somewhere i can actually talk about my life, and not be cast away. I guess i also want to use it as a choice maker. I can continue my path with this thing in my palm, or i could flush it, and start the rocky road to being good, and right. It hasnt helped much, I still cant decide. It should be easier, its only one tiny pill....