Secrets (part I)

Secrets. Hiding. Whispers. Where does it all begin? Are we presented with the chance to stop it? Are we too blind to see it? Or are we never given the oppertunity to stop the spiraling decent before we step off the edge? Sometimes, it is impossible to tell these things until after you've hit the bottom.


I

We had been laying in the dark room, barely illuminated by the display on his Xbox, for a few hours. With him laying behind me, I felt a new warmth from my old friend Alex as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against his body. Alex an I had been friends for years, and I had always known he had a thing for me, but I had not realized, until that moment, that I had a thing for him too.
I turned my head to face him the best I could and asked,
"What are you thinking? I see those whells of yours turning."
Alex smiled back at me, filling my stomach with the sensation of a thousand butterflies bursting to life all at once.
"I cant tell you Tessa. " Alex said, his smile slowly dissapearing, "Not without risking being slapped."
"Well hmmm," I pondered aloud," How about this? You tell me the exact opposite of what your thinking, because sometimes telling an obvious lie is easier than telling the truth."
Alex nodded his head in reluctant agreement.
"Dishonestly?" Alex said with amusement, "Im thinking of how I would hate to kiss you right now. What about you miss Tessa Cambridge?"
"Dishonestly," I practically giggled back, " Im thinking about how imperfect and wrong this feels"
A little taken back by my answer, Alex quickly regained his confidence as I turned on my other side to fully face him. He smiled a warm smile and kissed my forehead. If we had been on a ice burg, I would have melted through the ice.I looked up into his soulful grey-green eyes and he pressed his soft, full lips onto mine. I slid my arms around his neck, and he kissed me again, deeper this time, sending my young, fifteen year old heart into fast heartbeats that were much more like flutters.
We kissed many more times, so many times that I lost track of time, as he explored my soft back, and I entwined his hair around my fingers. As I pulled away I let out a small giggle between ragged breaths.
"Im shaking." I said softly.
"Me too" He admitted
He shifted to his back and held me tight. I hade made out with other guys, but it had never felt like this. This felt right, like it was meant to happen. While he held me in his arms, all my fears and insecurities were pushed far back in my mind, where they couldnt hurt me.
As I was about to dose off, Alex started talking to me in a hushed tone.
"Tess, you have to promise me that you wont tell a soul about us. It has to remain a secret."
"Why?" I asked, confused.
"It just does. Do you promise?"
"Ok." I answered with an unheard reluctance.
We layed like that for a few minutes more before I heard a strange noise. I quickly realized that it was a doorknob turning, and I jumped off the couch. Alex's mom walked out into the living room. As she complained about her horrible headache, I calmed down knowing that she would only be out long enough to make a cup of coffee to soothe her hangover. After she got her coffee, she sat down, and started watching t.v. Alex and I looked at eachother and he smiled. He appeared to be relieved we werent caught, which made me wonder about his odd request of secrecy. I wondered if there was something wrong with me, because, as far as I knew, he didnt keep his other girlfriends secret. I tried not to worry about it, and I quickly dozed off.
I was woken up early the next morning by my brother (who basically lived there for the time being), who handed me the phone. It was my mom, telling me she was on her way to pick me up. I left without saying goodbye to Alex, unwilling to disturb his tranquil sleep.