"What would you say if I said I wanted to do something stupid?" Breanne had asked me.
"Depends on what that stupid thing is. I'll gladly make a fool of myself in front of the school with you, or jump in an ice cold lake." I had replied smoothly.
"I don't know. I guess I want proof that someone cares about me. So I feel like doing something stupid and careless...maybe someone will come save me. If not, I guess I won't be seeing you anymore."
"Bree, please stop talking like this. You know I love you, and always will. We are twins! Nothing can come between us." I knew it was hopeless pleading, but I had to try.
"What would you say if I told you goodbye? What would you say if I told you never again? What would you say if I jumped into the sea? Would you miss me? What would you say if I disappeared? What would you say if I told you I am lost? Would you come find me?" Bree had sung softly under her breath. I think it was a song that she wrote.
I had hugged her, and walked out of the room we shared. There was nothing I could do. She stopped listening to me long ago. I ran to my friends house.
"Raize, Please! Tell her you love her! I know you do! Not like a brother. Like she's Bree. I don't know what is going to happen to her if you don't! Please..." I begged of him.
"Aura, you know I can't." He looked at me sadly.
"Why not? I don't get it! You love her, I know you do. Why won't you save her life?"
"Because I can't. She won't listen to me. She knows I care about her. But she knows you care about her too. That's not going to stop her."
"I know it won't! Which is why you need to tell her you love her! I fear that is the only thing that will save her." I had pleaded with him, the tears rolling freely down my face. The wind whipped feircely outside. I had left the door open, the wind was blowing papers in a tornado around us. My hair whipped into my eyes, causeing me to flinch. He didn't seem to notice.
He sighed. "Fine. I'll do what I can."
Together we ran through the growing storm. By then, the ice and snow were raining down on us, cutting my cheeks. When we got to my house, I tore through it. There was no one there.
"Shes gone!" I yelled as I passed Raize. Grabbing him in my wake, I dragged him to Breanne's favorite place. The cliff.
When we got there, it was empty. But we both knew. We knew what had happened to her. I looked over the edge. My tears had stopped. Raize's were only starting. My black hair was flying behind me now. The strong wind was pushing us away, but we stayed.
I started singing, loud so that Raize would hear. Loud, so that it echoed above the storm.
"What would you say if I fell into the Sea? Would you come save me?" I yelled as loud as I could.
The tears were falling again, the night air turning them black.
"Heres my answer, Bree. I'd join you!" with those last words, I left Raize on the cliff. My arms in a cross, I let myself fall, down, down, into the freezing sea. My black cloak billowed behind me.
I hit the water hard. The pain was horrible. The cold was worse. Just before I blacked out, I saw Bree. Grabbing her hand, I let myself relax. Everything would be fine now.
Author notes
*sigh* im in a depressed mood. I miss someone like hell, and i love them. but i dont know who. Bree really is my twin, and something like this will NEVER happen. I will make sure of it. The depression is real. Raize is not. Bree, i do love you, and i will prevent this from happening. I got some insparation for this from the song "Nemo" watch the video, you will see me fall from the cliff...ok, tarja falls, but its me in this story.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=9Njl9R0cLC4
~Aura~
A contest entry
- Beginning Sentance by VioletStrike.
110 points, ended January 2, 2007, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Basicly anything as long as it fallows the rules by Loonamist.
300 points, ended January 7, 2007, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Dark Emotions by Chemical Imbalance.
525 points, ended December 24, 2006, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - OptionsOptionsOptions..please? by ohemeegeeay.
100 points, ended February 10, 2007, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Well, Now that I am reading through most of your stories, and commenting on a few, I feel that I should comment on this one. Yeah, you were in a freakin' depressed mood that day! bloody 'ell! Eh, I really dont think that I could jump of a cliff to end my life, no, I would overdose on sleeping pills (or something to that effect), but yeah, It had a nice flow of words, the plot (if you dont know these people, which I do by the way) moved a little fast. Nice song, I want to kill it... Nemo or whatever it was... Um, yeah, the charecters were only beleiveable to the point where you could easly cut off their heads and not care (haha, you know I might not do that to you, dont you?). Um... dont really have anything more to say now, sooo...
Kenny, Kenneth, Keith -
"What would you say if I said I wanted to do something stupid?" -- That sounds just like one of my friends. I think she's said that almost word for word. Great first sentence.
I thought the plot was a little melodramatic, though. I think the depression and the need to have love affirmed is on mark, but the plot just moved to fast. The reader couldn't really empathize with any of the characters. I think a little exposition would have made this a more effective write. -
I like this. It's different. But I think you could have put in a bit more description. However, the story line was good, and original.
Thanks for entering, and good luck!
Noise&&Kisses
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Hey, I can't read this until you tell me which option this is.. mmkay? Let me know when you've done that.
Noise&&Kisses -
Aww
Man, I read this again... and I think you should enter it into the library. It's really good... and deppressing. Then again, i've been deppressed for 2 or 3 days... *sigh* we should hang out. I hate being deppressed.
Trill =| -
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Hell yes its depressing! But, um... yeah, I'm replying to a comment that wasnt to me, and was made, what? six months, nine days ago... sad
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The imagery is exceptional. The story grabs from the start....
but ...
what appealed to me was the continuing theme of What would you say. It keeps bringing the reader back to what is important.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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twitch
Uhhhhhh.... what?
I won't ask.
Please don't die.
Trillian =)
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This was a very good story. Your use of details and imagery made me really feel for the characters. This piece is full of emotion and very much from the heart. Good job. Thanks for entering the contest and good luck!
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This is a very strong story. It's well written and has a good message. Everyone needs to remember tho, emotions are just messages, not commands. Don't let them rule your life. This is what my dad always tells me when I talk to him about...stuff.
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*sigh* thanks. You might not believe it from this story, but im actually really really hyper and optimistic most of the time. Read "what happens in our weird world" thats me usually.
~aura~
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Very, VERY GOOD! I loved it! It's one of the better ones I've read on this site! You've got a definate talent! Great job!
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Short but sweet; thanks for getting me into a bad mood, and in such an effortless way. Your story is powerful, and to make even more I would have added some further character development. Not much, but if done right it could improve the story greatly. Just my honest opinion, of course... I like good stuff to be always be longer, I guess.
Nick
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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Ahhh...Aurora. Please get out of this mood. It was a beautiful piece and I could feel your heart in this. *sighs*
~*Brooke*~
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