Grace walked down the street, the wind blowing in her face. Her hair whipped around her, but she didn't care. She looked up at the dark gray sky. It was going to rain, Grace loved rain so she didn't give least bit of care. She took a hair tie off her wrist. She tied her brown hair (that came to about the lower part of her shoulder blades) up in a ponytail. She was sixteen, but she acted like she was twelve, maybe ten.
The rain began to fall and sprinkle her hair and skin. She laughed and spun around. She decided to go to the park, but she didn't know that she wouldn't be alone. She dropped her bag by the end of the slide that was near the end of the park. She climbed up on the structure that had two slides coming off it and a set of stairs that led to a bridge that led to the main structure with the slides. She walked across the bridge slowly. She climbed up on the railing and balanced herself before continuing to walk along it.
She was getting her school uniform wet, but she didn't care, she never liked it anyway. The uniform consisted of a skirt that came up to the knees and socks that met them. A white shirt and tie fit nicely along. She hated the skirt but her mother forced her to, and since she wasn't one to argue, she wore it.
She sat at the top of the larger slide and looked out over the large park. The green grass looked like a sea and rose up into a large wave as it went up a small hill only to be cut off by a cement basketball court.
"What are you doing here girl?" She turned around to see a boy about her age with flaming red hair stare down at her with odd colored eyes; a light bluish green. He looked to be a handsome man, but the rain had begun to grow harder and she couldn't see him correctly. She turned and stood up, or more like popped up. She cocked her head.
"Who are you? I've never seen you around here." She asked trying to get a better look at him. He looked taken aback, surprised by the question.
"Uh, I'm not from around here." He replied awkwardly.
"Ok 'I'm not from around here' what are you doing here?" She said, joking.
"What? Oh, wait, no my names Jacob." He responded, blushing realizing what she was saying. "And I asked first."
"Fine, be immature, I do it all the time." She said shrugging. She turned back to look back out over the grounds. "I came here cause I didn't want to go home and I love the rain so...here I am!" She turned back to face him. "And yourself?"
"Same, kind of." He looked out over the grass field too.
"Kind of? What do you mean by kind of?"
"You're a very nosey girl, you know that?" He said looking at her.
"Yes, yes I do." He threw his hands in the air, already exasperated. Grace turned and slipped down the slide. At the end she turned and gestured for him to fallow. He hesitated but slid down all the same.
"Come here, I want to show you something." She said turning and skipping off. 'This girl is so strange.' Jacob thought as he fallowed her. After a while she came to the hill. She walked along it until she came to a concrete path, there she bent down and grasped a small metal ring. Yanking up, a door appeared in front of her. Jacob walked around and crouched down beside it, looking down into darkness.
"This is my hiding place I go to whenever I want to be alone." She explained.
"Do you show all the new strangers you just meet this?" He asked, surprised at the trust she already held in him.
"No, I just felt like I could trust you." She said, slipping into the hole. There was that word again, trust. He looked up at the sky and shook his head, then lowered himself into the hole after her.
"You know I still don't know your..." He stopped as he saw the room he had just interred. There was a large TV and couch. None of the things in the room could have fit through that hole. "Name..." He finished his sentence looking around. "How did you...?" He just wasn't being really good at finishing his sentences today.
"Do this?" She said, completing his sentence. He decided not to try to say another sentence and just nodded his head.
"I don't know really. I was just here at the park a few years ago; wishing I had someplace to hide, when I noticed the small ring and pulled it up, then BOOM! I found this room. The strange thing is, it never gets dirty, even though I never clean it and I don't think anyone else comes here." She looked around with her hands on her hips. There was a bookshelf filled with all sorts of books, a TV, a DVD player, Xbox, game cube, fridge, the list went on and on.
Jacob looked around, by now the shock had worn off. He looked over at Grace, only to see her grabbing some pants and a shirt out of a dresser.
"I still don't know your name." He said. She turned around and smiled.
"It's Grace, not very fitting though, I'm a total klutz." She laughed and he smiled. "I'm going to change into these cloths so could you...?" She let her sentence trail off and he obediently turned around. How weird! They were acting like they had known each other for years when they had only just met! He'd have to tell her though soon...
"'K I'm done you can turn around." He turned to see she'd changed into baggy pants and a shirt that almost came down to her knees.
"Hey Grace, how many times have you came to the park?" He asked.
"Oh, I don't know, most of my life I guess." She said folding her school cloths.
"And it took you so long to discover this place?" He said gesturing around the room.
"Yeah I guess. It was so weird I just happen to find it in my time of need, strange coincidence huh?" She said, smiling. She had a pretty smile, even though she wasn't the prettiest of girls. She wasn't skinny, nor was she fat. Her face wasn't clear either, but her soul was pure...Well almost pure, except the demon living in her that she had no idea about.
"It wasn't a coincidence." Jacob replied darkly. He wished he could have spent more time to get to know her, but he had to do this as quickly as possible. He felt a sharp pain in his back that made him cringe.
"What? Jacob are you ok?" She asked, worried. She barely knew him, yet she felt as though she had known him her whole life; it was so weird.
"This is like one of those dramatic movies you see on television isn't it? Well here comes the big line; my names not Jacob." He said, a small almost sad smile forming on his lips. The back of his shirt began to tear. It would be hard to get through the leather jacket he was wearing so he quickly took it off.
"Wha-? Then who are you?" She couldn't believe this, yet for some reason she didn't feel all that surprised. She was beginning to believe in love at first sight.
"Loki." He said as huge brilliantly white wings sprouted out of his back. He flexed them but paid no real attention to them.
"Oh great! I've fallen in love with the god of mischief!" She said throwing her hands in the air.
"What?" He asked, a dumbfounded expression on his face. Not exactly the reaction he had expected. She brought her hands back to her side and blushed.
"I uh mean. Loki? Oh my god! Um...uh yeah..." She didn't really know what she should say. There was an awkward silence.
"I'm not the god of mischief." He said softly, still feeling awkward.
"What?" She didn't know where that came from, then she remembered that as she said that she had fallen in love with him she also mentioned he was the god of mischief, she now new she was wrong.
"I'm not the god of mischief." He repeated. "In fact I'm not a god at all, I'm a messenger angel."
"Oh." Oh? All she could say was 'Oh?' Agh! She felt like hitting herself in the head for being such a dork, so she did.
"Ouch!" She said after smacking herself on the forehead.
"What did you do that for?" Loki asked, dumbfounded...again. His shirt was now torn up so he snapped his fingers and it repaired, only with two holes in the back. Grace was rubbing her forehead, muttering to herself.
"I don't know..." She said slowly, looking up and ceasing rubbing her head. "So why are you here?" She asked, curious as the reason why an angel had decided to pop in on her.
"I was sent down here to, um, to" he seemed unsure of how to say it, "remove a demon from you inner soul." He finished, muffling and hurrying the last bit about the demon. Speaking about demons living inside a mortal seemed to upset them, Loki knew from experience.
"Hmmm inner demon sounds about right. It would explain a lot..." She seemed to be thinking. For the third time Loki looked at her with a dumbfounded expression. 'This girl is defiantly strange!' He thought. Yet he couldn't help feeling something towards her. He knew what it was, but tried to force it down. If the procedure were to fail, and her to die, he would just suffer more...
Author notes
Yeah if you have any ideas please tell me! I have an idea but I want to see if theres anything else I could use or blend with my idea thanks!
A contest entry
- Feathers of Dreams by Golden Guardian.
615 points, ended March 2, 2007, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Send Me An Angel by StillbornAlive.
175 points, ended January 27, 2007, 7 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Any Fantasy , Adventure Short , Short Story !!!!!!!!!!!! by .
120 points, ended February 20, 2007, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I WILL READ ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Vietbabe909.
350 points, ended April 24, 2007, 72 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Ok uh this is going to turn into a series so tell me what you think and tell me if you have any ideas!
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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interesting...
this is a good story. you have a lot of misspells and grammar problems. i like the characters and the plot of the story. good job! thanks for entering my contest.! -
OK... You're probably not going to want to hear what I have to say about this, but you're just going to have to put up with my impertinence. I don't like it. It's really poorly written, hard to understand, and the dialog is not very fitting to the story. It's an interesting plot line, don't get me wrong, it's just that the way you've written it kind of doesn't work. And Loki is, no matter what, always going to be a god, no matter if he's under ground or not. He's not a messenger angel. I made him an angel because I believe that when a god comes down to earth, they become angels, then when they go back up to Heaven or Valhalla, they become gods again. So, yeah... It's very interesting, but poorly written... I'm, really sorry!
-Isabeaux -
There's a double-negative in the second paragraph.. Thought I'd let you know, and in the paragraph before he learns her name, he uses it! (you might want to change that)
This was an interesting story! I wish you would have made it longer, so I could read the ending. I'm terribly intrigued. Yes, do continue it, and tell me when you do!
-Ethan -
Aww this is good! You'd better write more...or i shall be very sad. you dont want me sad on chirstmas eve, do you? Lol, this is an awesome beginning. I love the whole idea of inner deamons (sorry thats just the way i spell "deamon") i think i have one
Im not crazy
Inner Rora: suuuuuuure
Im not delustional
Inner Rora: whos the friend?
I do not have multipule personalitys!
Inner Rora: what am i, your conscience?
lol ignore rora...
~Aura~

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Interesting. It kept me reading throughout the whole time. I felt that some of your description could be a little helped for some words were redundant in a way. The dialog could use some other words instead of 'asked' or 'said'..maybe like 'he added' or 'she continued'..something like that. Overall, this story is good but could use more editing. Keep on writing!
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