Jackson layed in bed, trying to get a grip on himself. The night before, there was a massive power outage, although there was no evidence that there should have been one. this had left him nerve wracked. No storm, no cut wires. What had caused it? The outage wasn't the thing that scared him, it was the ghostly figure that was walking around. He had never seen him before.
Whatever it was, he finnaly went to bed. He had no trouble geting ready for school, and the day was pretty normal for him. It wasn't very bad either. When he he got home, he fell into his routine. Did his homework, played video games, and got ready for bed. But before his head touched the pillow, the lights went out.
Instictively, he shot out of bed and ran downstairs. If he was lucky, he would be able to find the figure again. Maybe he could find out who he was. Roaming around for the figure was very tireing, but he was determined not to give up. Rounding the corner, he found it, a pale white person in an old tuxedo. Like it did the last time, the ghost whirled around and looked at him. But this time, he gave jackson a fiendish look.Sudenely, the floor erupted around him and he fell. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jackson screamed. Suddenely, he was bach in his room. "It was all a dream." he thought. But even as he stood up, he noticed a tiny scrap of paper on his pant leg. It was a piece of a pale white tuxedo.
A contest entry
- Basicly anything as long as it fallows the rules by Loonamist.
300 points, ended January 7, 2007, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Be a Storyteller by The Imagined.
400 points, ended January 22, 2007, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Do you think this is scary?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Suspenseful
I think of it as more in the suspense category than horror. Like Alfred Hitchcock. It could easily be in the horror genre, this seems like Chapter 1, leaving you anxious to start the next chapter. I didn't see anything I would find as spiritual, unless you mean as in spirits ~ ie. ghost. BTW, I'm ashamed of myself, but the first sentence gave me a giggle
maybe I've just got a dirty mind 
This is a good story and holds the reader's interest throughout. Kudos to you!
beginning: 2, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 4, characters: 5.
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This is a good story and it shows potential. It is a little short, I'll admit. There were a nice variation of types of sentences. The storyline held my interest. Most importantly, it was a product of your creativity, and shows your ability to channel that into a well-rounded story. It just needs a little more to it. The ending was pretty abrupt.
In the way of improvement, there are some errors. It's nothing the spell-checker can't fix. "Finnaly" is spelled "finally". "Layed" is "laid". "Bach" is back".
Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.
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I'm not saying your other stuff isn't fun...it is. However, this is really more up to speed of what I've glimpsed in your writing.
I think you could expand a little more on it. And, I'd point out spelling errors, but I don't think you write so it can be corrected. You seem, to me, that once it's written, you're ready to move on to other things. Am I right?
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Good, but I think you need to run it through a grammar thing or something. Nice story, maybe more description though.
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Was this on Allpoetry? Anyways, I enjoyed reading this. Good luck in the contest. Keep on writing. God Bless!
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This is really good!! Not like some of the stuff youve been doing. There were a few spelling errors. Finally, not finnaly; and back not bach. It could use a bit more detail, but thats up to you. Again, good job.
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