Death of Rosaline (Completed version)

My name is Marie and I have this exceptional friend. Not a normal friend that you find walking around and that you do things with, no she’s special. She is always with me where ever I go, twenty four seven. Her name is Rosaline, and she lives forever in my head. A special entity, always giving advice and comments to me to help me in my life.

I’m not really sure when she showed up, but somehow she came into existence around the time I lost my grandfather. I guess she was more of comfort mechanism created by me to help me cope with the loss of a loved one at such a young age. Just there for companionship, but she really didn’t become prominent till I was about fourteen, when my grandmother died and I lost my best friend of seven years. I was lonely and she was all I had. My parents were too busy dealing with their problems of an extreme family feud and the issue of constructing their dream home to have much time to take care of me. To cut this short, I ended up taking care of myself and growing up way too quick. Finding comfort and friendship with her was a godsend at the time.

Years passed and she became an ingrained part of my life. I had gained friends in that period, but not close ones, and she was still there giving advice, lectures, and council as only a close friend could. When I reached my twenty-first year, she turned on me. I had fallen in love with a close friend and somehow made the relationship into a closer one. By that time I had managed to ignore her unsound advice and smart comments and was able to make my own decisions without her help. Being aggravated with me, she plotted revenge.

I moved in with Marc, a year later engaged, and two years later married. Life was carefree and joyous, but Rosaline soon executed her revenge.

The day on our one year anniversary, Marc took me out to eat at our favorite restaurant, a tiny mom and pop owned Italian restaurant. We had ordered, were sipping our drinks, and discussing the house we had looked at that day.

“I hate the kitchen, it’s too small and needs a ton of work. Actually the whole house needs work,” I told Marc, “ The whole thing is one step from condemned.”

“True...,” he pondered this for a second, “But overall, it might be a good investment. The neighborhood is respectable, the schools are the best in the state, and we can sell it for twice as much, if not more, that what we will be paying for it.”

“Good point,” I stated as I swirled my spoon in my coffee, “But what happens if we find that the foundation is bad, or we have termites, or something just as bad and we end up paying twice as much as we paid for it just to repair the house. I think we should just look a bit more before we settle on this one. I like the thought of making it our home by fixing it up, and I want to buy a house that we can do that, but not this one.”

“Fine. We’ll keep looking, but we can always have an inspector go through the house before we buy it. Then we know for sure that the house isn’t condemned before we buy it.”

“Ok. If nothing better comes along we’ll do that,” I conceded.

“Great!” Marc said happily as he leaned across the table and kissed me, “We in agreement then?”

“Yes, you silly man,” I laughed and smiled at him. Suddenly finding myself in a downer mood, I blinked hard and rolled my neck to get the kinks out.

“What’s wrong?” Marc stated, aware of my sudden mood change.

“I don’t know...,” I said as I ran my hand through my hair, “I was happy and then all of a sudden my mood blackened as if I had learned some awful news.”

“Did you remember to get the laundry from the dryer before we left. You know Mrs. Burrs hates that and she’ll steal our stuff. Is that it?”

“No, I did that before we left. I don’t know.” Suddenly I realized that Rosaline was up to something. I hadn’t heard her for months, in fact it had been about a year, now that I had thought about it. Knowing that she could control me to some extent, I decided that I had to get away from Marc for a bit and discuss things with Rosaline. “Um... I’ll be right back. I’m going to run to the bathroom quick.”

“Ok..., Love you,” Marc said as I got up and headed to the bathroom.

“Love you too,” I said as leaned down and kissed his cheek, “I’ll be right back.” Moving around the tables I searched for Rosaline.

What’s going on? I asked her, You liked Marc as much as I did when we were friends, why are you suddenly so against him?

Because you lavish all your attention on him and not me! Her anger prominent in her words, You used to care about me as much as him, then it was him more than me. I wont have it!!

Laughing at her anger, I pushed open that bathroom door and entered the ladies room. Sighing with relief that it was empty, I stood in front of the mirror and looked into my eyes. “He is important and I love him, but you are just as important. You help me as much, if not more, than he does. In fact I think you help me more because you are a woman and don’t have the crazy mind of the male species.”

True, true..., she said and then was silent for a bit. But you haven’t needed me in so long, she whined.

“Yes, but I will need you in the future,” I placated, “But soon we are going to be at odds over a house and the remodeling of it that I’m going to need your sanity. So please give me this time till then for him, because soon I’m going to be turning to you for help, especially with the kids.” Silence was all I felt and heard. Feeling her being placated and calming, I straightened my appearance and exited the bathroom. Going to our table, I noticed our food had arrived.

“Just came,” Marc said as he reached for his fork, after having waited for me to come back before starting the meal.

“Thanks for waiting,” I smiled as I reached for my silverware and placed my napkin on my lap.

Dinner went well and coffee after at the neighboring coffee shop was even better as we completed our anniversary. Returning home to our shoe box apartment, I felt content. After showering, I found Marc sitting in front of the TV. “What are you watching?” I asked him as I sat next to him on couch, drying my hair.

“Our wedding video,” he stated as he handed me a box.

“What’s this?” I asked him as I cradled it.

“Open it and see,” He said as he fast forwarded through our parents drunken dancing.

“Go back, I like that part!”

“No, we’ve seen it far too many times. It’s funny, but only the first couple times you see it.”

“Good point,” I said as I opened my present. Opening it I found a Celtic ring with a emerald. “Whoa, where did this come from?” Shocked I fingered the ring.

“My infinite supply of awesomeness,” He cheekily replied. Smiling at him, I lunged and kissed him. “I knew I would get something good for this.” Laughing, we rolled around trying to get each others clothes off. After ending up on the floor and hitting the coffee table, Marc got up and reached down for me. I reached up, and he swung me into his embrace. “I love you...,” he breathed.

“I love you too.”

That night, I woke up extremely thirsty. Getting up, I walked naked to the kitchen and got a bottle of water from the fridge. Drinking it all down, I put my hand on the counter and leaned forward. Panting, I felt Rosaline stir. I felt her start to take over my control, fighting her I tried pushing her down and away. Stumbling from the counter, I tripped over the table and into the fridge. Falling, I grasped at my hair and started screaming. “GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!” Hearing Marc get up, he turned on the light and came to me.

“Marie! What’s wrong?!” He was frightened, and I didn’t know what to tell him. Giving him a wild look of despair, he pulled me into his arms and rocked me as I cried.

“I want her to go away,” I wept, “She just wont let me alone...” Feeling her control slip, I relaxed against him. Helping me up, Marc walked me back to our room and after putting me to bed, he crawled in with me.

“Who is this ‘she’,” he murmured as he started rubbing my back.

“Rosaline. Her name is Rosaline, and she is my other self,” I replied softly. “I’ve had her for years and she helped me though a lot, but now she wants you to go away... and I don’t want you to. So here we are, fighting till one of us wins. I’m so scared that she will and I’ll lose you.... this is the happiest I’ve ever been...” Trailing off, I felt the tears well up and over. Burrowing in the pillow, I wept. Feeling myself turned over, I looked up into Marc’s eyes as he leaned over me.

“We’ll fight her together, whatever it takes,” Marc assured me. “We’ll do psychiatrists and if that doesn’t work we’ll try medication. No matter what, I wont let her destroy your happiness.” Feeling reassured, I curled up in his arms and fell asleep.

The therapy did help and medication even more and we were happy for another year. When I got pregnant a month after our second anniversary, I was forced to give up the medication for the baby’s health. Scared for the baby more than Rosaline, I gladly gave it up. Life was good. Marc had an excellent job with great pay and even better benefits. My business was in it’s planning stage and I had just found the perfect store. I also started designing the spare bedroom as a nursery in a neutral color because we didn’t wish to know if the baby was a girl or boy and we needed to buy clothes and furniture. We were both excited and our parents even more so, because we would be the first to have a grandchild on either side.

Four months into the pregnancy, Rosaline found me again. Settling in like an old friend, she indiscreetly made herself known. And I was shocked to find that she had been wielding her influence long before I had realized she had been there.

I was out with my friends for our monthly coffee get together, I had switched to steamers and hot chocolate, when Rosaline slipped out. We had been talking about the pregnancy, and being proud to be a future mother I was about to tell them even though I was having issues, I was still enjoying myself. But Rosaline got there before I did, “I just can’t wait till this brat is out! I’m so sick of the morning sickness, swollen ankles, and weight gain!” Shocked at myself even more than my friends, I gapped at them with my mouth open.

Close your hole, you fat bitch, I hear Rosaline say. You are acting like a fool, but what’s new? Still shocked, I blinked at my friends who still gapped at me.

“I have a split personality, remember?” I pleaded my friends, “I had to stop the meds when I got pregnant and she’s angry at me, Marc and the baby.” They still gapped at me. Feeling like a freak, I managed to get on my feet, picked up my purse and headed out of the coffee shop.

“Marie! Wait!” I heard Jolene, “We’re sorry, we forgot and we were just shocked. Please come back,” She pleaded. Seeing my other friend nod in agreement, I went back to the table and sat down. Grasping my drink in one hand and my spoon in the other, I swirled the drink around and around.

“Can you help me with her? She just wont leave me be...” I continued swirling.

“Yeah,” my friends answered almost in sync, Jolene went on, “We’re always here for you, remember we are your sisters, you told us we were and we will always support and help you.” Feeling better, we chatted for a while more before we made our way home.

When I returned home, I put up my feet and turned on the TV. Flipping through the channels for something other than the news, I landed on some re-runs of a show I had always liked and settled in for the hour special. Hearing Marc return from work, I tilted my cheek for his kiss.

“How’s my favorite people in the whole world?” He asked as he sat next to me and put his arm around my shoulders.

“We’re good, except for the appearance of Rosaline at coffee today,” I replied a bit sarcastically. “I’m sorry..., she said nasty things and embarrassed me. I thought she was gone. Ha! What a worthless thought.” Putting my head on his shoulder I breathed in his scent. It always calmed me down and made me feel good no matter what.

“Well, we got an appointment tomorrow with the doctor. We’ll see what she says, perhaps we can get you a low dosage of a medication that wont hurt the baby,” Marc re-assured as he rubbed my arm. “She did say to say something when Rosaline re-appeared.” Feeling better I felt myself relax even more and I got sleepy.

“Need a nap?” He asked as he got up and held out a hand to help me up.

“Yeah, I’m not hungry so go ahead and eat. I’ll eat later when I get up,” I yawned as he led me to the bedroom. After tucking me in, he kissed my forehead.

“Ok,” He said, “Get some rest and I’ll wake you up so you can eat something.”

“Thanks,” I said right before I fell asleep.

The doctor could do nothing for me. So here I was with a crazy person inside of me trying to get out. The doctor recommended that I try some other techniques to sooth both the baby and my Friend. Such as herbal teas, less extreme hydrotherapy, yoga, and relaxing techniques. I had to go easy on all of them because of my pregnant state, but I still could do them in extreme moderation. But nothing helped. I had gone off the anti-depressants that had somehow been able to keep Rosaline calm and at bay, and now that I was off them, she wanted revenge. I

She struck at me a month before my due date. I was slowly making my way up the stairs of my new place, we were planning on moving soon after the baby was born above my new café, when she seized my leg. I tripped and fell down the few stairs I had waddled up. I landed on my back and lay on the floor. I felt the baby move in protest, and my body ached in agony as I took in my injuries. Hearing me fall, Marc ran over. “Are you ok?!” He panicked. Feeling me up, he searched for injuries.

“I think so, but perhaps we should go to the doctor to make sure the baby is ok,” I told him as he gently helped me up. Groaning, from the pain of my whole body aching, Marc helped me waddle to the car. Helping me in the passenger side, he closed the door and ran around the car and got in behind the wheel.

“I’m going to call the doctor and let them know we are coming,” Marc said as he dug for his cell phone. Hitting the speed dial for the doctor, he waited for the operator. “Hi. My wife is eight months pregnant, and she just fell down the stairs. I’m bringing her in and I want her doctor to look at her,” he paused. “Yes, that’s correct. Ok, thank you. Bye.” Flipping his phone closed, he turned to me. “She said that she’ll make space for you and you’ll go right in as soon as we get there,” he said as he reached for my hand. “Are you sure your ok?”

“No. Rosaline is now trying to kill me. Do you know that?” I told him as I gripped his hand in a panic. “I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I breathed. “She’s getting angrier and angrier and I’m afraid that she is going to kill me and the baby one of these days!”

“Breath, Marie....Breathe... calm down. We can’t afford you having a panic attack at this time. You need to think for the baby and yourself. Don’t worry, we’ll figure this out,” Marc soothed. Finding myself calming, as I counted as I breathed, I gripped his hand less violently.

We arrived at the doctor’s office and we were escorted right in. They did a routine check up along with an ultrasound. Finding that the baby was fine and me only bruised, she sent me home with these instructions. “I want you to stay in bed. Do not get out unless you have to use the restroom. If you shower, I want Marc to help you. You will not cook or clean or operate a car. If you wish to get out of bed for any other reason, Marc should always be with you. We can’t afford your other self hurting you or the baby, because given the chance she will hurt you and kill the baby. If she gets worse, we will have to admit you to the hospital till the baby is born.” Nodding to my doctor, Marc helped me off the table. “And Marie... You will probably will not be able to have another child after this. Your other self is too powerful when you aren’t on your meds, so unless there is a safe drug developed that is as powerful as the one you were using that is safe for the fetus, there is no other choice.”

In the car, Marc whistled in relief. “I’m so glad that she didn’t do anything to hurt the baby or you,” taking my hand in his he brought it up and kissed it. “It would have devastated me if I would have lost either one of you.” Feeling extremely precious to him right now, I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

“I feel the same way about the baby and you,” I told him, “I just regret that we wont be able to have another baby.”

“Yeah.....,” he trailed off as a look of sadness passed over his face. “I had really hoped for a ton of kids.”

“Me too,” I said as I looked out the window. “Perhaps we can adopt,” I suggested, “Or perhaps we get lucky and they will develop a medication that I can use while I’m pregnant.”

“Yeah, I hope so too,” he said faintly, “I hope so too.”

One week later I was admitted to the hospital. Rosaline made me sleep walk one night and Marc found me in the kitchen almost about to drink a bottle of cleaning product. I was given a private room, but it still felt bizarre. I was in the psych ward, which was probably the reason for the feeling. Anyone would feel that way if they had to look at the bars on the windows and the patients with the blank stares and hear the screaming coming from the end of the hall. It felt like hell, but it was for the baby’s own good. Or so I kept telling myself. I was forced to wear the garments of the insane, but I could wear my own robe and slippers but my belt on my robe was taken from me. I was under surveillance twenty-four seven and I couldn’t go to the bathroom without the nurse outside my door and I had to constantly talk with her. I felt as insane as the my fellow prisoners and as helpless as the child inside of me.

Those few weeks dragged by and were only highlighted by the visits from Marc. My parents and parents-in-law came to see me, but it was just too humiliating. I told Marc to ask them not to come anymore, and to apologize to them for me. I was ashamed of my condition and didn’t know what to do. The baby was born February fifth. A girl. We named her Jacqueline Christine. I went back on my meds and went home.

Two months I lasted before I was sent back to the hospital. Rosaline had taken over my body and crashed my car into a concrete embankment, Jacqueline had been in the car. Thankfully she was fine and I had only suffered a minor concussion, a broken wrist, and a fractured rib or two.

I found out that the medication was no longer helping and the therapy was doing me no justice. So I was under supervision till we could decide what would help me the most. But the loneliness made it even worse. My baby was not allowed to visit and Marc could only manage to come once a week.

Months passed, and my condition got worse. Rosaline was getting stronger and I was mentally losing myself. I was moved to an institute for the mentally insane on the lakeshore or this beautiful lake that was fifty feet below the hospital. I hadn't held my child in five months, and I was feeling so empty.

Time passed both quickly and slowly. Weeks would drag, visits would go fast, and therapy would feel like eons. I found myself losing myself more and more, and it was driving me more away and Rosaline closer to the surface. I was known for my temper, violent outbursts, and then extreme calms. My mood swings were mostly towards the violent, but the good days I was allowed to go out on the grounds with an attendant. Otherwise I was often locked in a padded room with a straight jacket, or tied to a bed.

One day, I was allowed to go out by myself. I had a good couple of days, and all the attendants were busy. So, wandering by the cliff’s edge, I peered below. Finding the crash of the waves appealing, I stood at the edge. Hooking my toes over, I swayed from the strong gusts of wind. Ah... I breathed the freedom and closeness of a watery death. I edged closer and closer, almost there, almost there. Teetering at the edge, I dropped.

I didn’t scream on the way down. Instead a felt the relief of the burden that had been Rosaline disappear. She screamed, deafening me, as she left me. Feeling the water close around me, I swam my way up to the surface. Seeing the beach about a quarter of a mile away, I started back stroking to the shore. It was sad that Rosaline would only leave me when I was on the border line of death. I had been lucky to miss the rocks, and even more lucky to not have landed on my back or belly. Feeling shook up, I dragged my sore body up on to the shore. Laying there, I realized I was going to get taken back to the institute, no matter what I said or did. I had attempted suicide and nothing I would say would change that. I was in a dilemma.

I lay on the beach for a good hour or two before I was found by two of the institute’s aids. One of them picked me up, a large burly man, who strangely resembled a picture of a yeti, but with a little less hair. Placing me in the back of a padded van, they drove me back to the institute. There I found Marc, my parents, and one of my two friends. I said not a word to them, because I knew they already judged me insane and incurable.

I was heavily drugged, bathed, put in a straight jacket and locked in a padded room with no furniture. And there I wept. I wept for the life I could and would never have, I wept for my child, I wept for my husband, and I wept mostly for myself.

For here I would rot away,

never to see the light of day.

Forever lost, and the cost...

was to fade away....