Story Three: The Bench Of Twiggy

Once upon a time there was a fat, ugly little girl named Ulga. As you should know Ulga was killed by Twiggy’s minions. A year later…

Alone at last, Ulga’s mother sat in her four-thousand square foot Victorian, staring at her daughter’s ashes sitting in a melted cheese can. She didn’t care that her daughter died, but she loved her money, and the people at the insurance company said they didn’t cover death by rodent. She decided that since those schoolgirls could reincarnate Ulga, so could she. She hopped in her brand new two thousand-six black Jaguar and drove down to Barnes and Nobles to get a reincarnation book. When she got back, she went straight to Ulga’s ashes and started her chanting. When Ulga’s mother was about to give up, there was a huge flash of bright blue light and Ulga appeared. When her mother saw her ugly daughter, she puked in the bag she had ready in case it worked and screamed, “Welcome home, Ulga!”

The next day while Ulga was at school, her mother took a trip to the park right by her house. Where Twiggy once stood there was a huge, beautiful, wooden bench with a little carving of a cirangle on it. Ulga’s mother sat down on the bench and whispered to it. “Twiggy,” she said. “I need a favor.” When she left, she swore she heard laughter.

That same day while Ulga was walking home from school, she crossed through the park and sat down on Twiggy and let out a huge, gassy, wet fart. Twiggy was enraged. He wanted her to die and stay dead. He was making it personal. Ulga got up and put her cheese flavored gum on the bottom of Twiggy the bench and skipped off with her fat flying everywhere, making the people in the park scream with disgust.

“Twiggy, are you ok?” Twiggy’s cousin, Bjork, asked in Treeanese.

“I’m fine,” answered Twiggy. “Do me a favor, Bjork, and find out when she’s coming back.”

“No problem, Twigg,” Bjork laughed as he pulled his roots out of the ground.

Ulga woke up the next morning feeling sick. She got up and walked into the kitchen. As she walked by the living room, she could have sworn that she saw a tree in there. She looked again, and it was gone. She went into the kitchen to melt some cheese to make her feel better. She took some cheddar cheese out of the fridge. As she was walking to the microwave, she thought she saw a tree growing off the side of her neighbor’s house, but when she went to look, it disappeared. She sat down at the dining table and started drinking the cheese.

After watching an hour-long documentary on T.V about the wonders of cheese, she walked to school. She saw another tree inside the school looking out the window at her. She ran inside the school to the room the tree was in, but there was nothing except a tree painting a picture of a hideous bloody corpse of a little girl that looked a lot like her. Ulga forgot why she was in the room, so she walked to her class.

Throughout the entire day, she kept seeing the tree. When school was over, she ran around in circles endlessly until she got to her home. She found her mother sitting on the porch, knitting a tree shaped sock.

“Hello Ugly. I mean Ulga - how was your day?” Ulga’s mother asked.

“Horrible! I think a tree is stalking me!” Ulga screamed as she ran inside the house. She walked by the kitchen and saw the tree digging through their food. She screamed and ran outside.

“Mom, I’m going to the park to get some melted cheese. I’ll be back in an hour,” she turned around to leave and saw a brown and green blur dash in front of her. She disregarded the flash and kept walking.

When Ulga arrived at the park, she went to a nacho stand to get some cheese-flavored gum, but they were closed. She went back over to the Twiggy bench, farted again, and took the gum that she had saved under him. Little did she know that Twiggy’s squirrel friends had poisoned it. When Ulga got home she started feeling dizzy, and then she fainted.

Ulga woke up in a hospital. She looked to her right and saw a doctor. “Doctor, am I going to be all right?” she asked.

“Not for long,” he mumbled.

“What?”

“I mean yes, of course you will. Why don’t you take a walk in the park and get some melted cheese?” he suggested eagerly.

Ulga hopped out of her bed and ran to the park to do what the doctor had suggested. When she had gotten her cheese, she sat down on the Twiggy bench again and farted. But before she could take the first sip of her cheese, the bench tipped her off and hopped on her so the sharp metal bar holding him into the ground stabbed her in the stomach. A flock of birds flew overhead, all of them pooping on her ugly, fat face.

“Whoa, major deja vu,” Ulga said.

She pushed the bench off of herself and stumbled over to the fountain to get some rocks to throw. She sat down against the fountain and threw the rocks as hard as she could at a squirrel standing on the bench. The squirrel caught them and threw them back at her, hitting her in the head. Ulga crawled over and spat on Twiggy. She started laughing as her bloody, cheesy spit stained his carving of the cirangle and sank into his wood.

Twiggy’s cousin was infuriated with her, so he went over to her and slammed his roots into her face, breaking her nose. She got up and started kicking him, but that did nothing, for she was too weak. A vole ran over to her, so she tried to step on it, but when she put her foot down, it didn’t go all the way down. The vole lifted her off both of her feet and threw her onto Twiggy. He stabbed her once again, but this time he stabbed her in the lung and she slowly suffocated.