Story Two: The Minions Of Twiggy

Once upon a time, there was a fat, ugly little girl named Ulga. As you should know, Ulga was killed by the branch of Twiggy the tree. One year later…

Three school girls that were Ulga’s age were practicing the art of reincarnation. They got a jar of ashes from the local Value Village. On the jar, there was a sign that said, “Do not touch. Inside are the ashes of an ugly monster.” One of the girls then said, “Hey, I want to have an ugly monster to torture and maybe kill.”

So they bought the jar of ashes and did the reincarnation ceremony. Then, Ulga went “poof!” and arrived. The little girls screamed at her ugliness and ran away.

Ulga didn’t know what was going on and went to find a nacho stand for some cheese to drink. On her way, she passed through the park and saw some chipmunks living in a tree. That tree was Twiggy. She didn’t remember the day that Twiggy killed her, but she did remember the chipmunks, and they remembered her. Ulga used to throw rocks at those chipmunks. She thought it was funny, but the chipmunks didn’t.

So, for old time sake, she picked up a rock and hit one chipmunk square in the nose. This chipmunk had had it. The chipmunk went down to Ulga and jumped on her shoulders. The terrified Ulga shrieked and made the chipmunk madder. He did what had to be done: He bit down on her ear, making blood gush out.

Meanwhile, the other chipmunks were planning something nasty for Ulga. They were ready. They were ready for war. The fastest of the fastest chipmunks went out and got a variety of mice, rabbits, squirrels, voles, and rats to attack her. Some of the others went and got together tons of birds.

Ulga looked up into the branches of Twiggy. The cirangle glared down at her. All of a sudden, Ulga noticed the number of birds in Twiggy. There were hundreds of them.

“What cute birds! I should throw rocks at them. That would be funny!” the ugly girl exclaimed. She laughed, picked up some rocks, and looked up at the birds. They were staring down at her. She got ready to throw the rocks, but before she could, they all pooped on her already ugly face.

Ulga was blinded for a moment. When she came to, the birds were gone. She shrugged and started walking toward the big water fountain in the middle of the park. Ulga was licking the poop off her face, when she looked down and saw the cutest baby vole in the whole wide world. She laughed at it and went to get a rock. The rock she got was at least five pounds, so she knew it would kill the vole. She went back to where she was sitting earlier next to the vole, and dropped the rock on the poor little thing.

Amazingly, the rock stopped one or two inches above the ground. Ulga stared at it quizzically. All of a sudden, the rock flew at her. Ulga, too slow to dodge it, got hit right in the face. It broke her nose and some teeth. Blood was dripping down into the grass as Ulga stared at the little vole running away, laughing. Ulga went home.

The next day, Ulga came back to the park. There was a whole gang of cute little rodents in military formation. They were all standing there with their paws behind their backs like they were hiding something. Ulga just stood there watching them, wondering what they were doing. Ulga heard a loud screech come from behind her. Following that screech, hundreds of rocks were thrown at her by the rodents.

Ulga started running, but she was stopped by a rabbit. The rabbit attacked her, pushing her backward, where she fell and landed on a sharp twig from Twiggy. The little squirrel that was holding the twig pushed her back onto her feet. Ulga looked down. She had pierced a lung and was gushing blood.

Ulga was mad at the little rodents. She tried to pick up a rock, but fell over from exhaustion and extreme loss of blood.

As Ulga slowly died, laying there on the ground in the middle of the park, she thought she heard something creak. She tried hard to open her eyes, but all she saw when she finally did was a whole bunch of roots landing on her head.