She looked around in wonderment, an eyeless, faceless, bodiless consciousness wandering a featureless plane. "I thought I was dead," she murmured. A mocking echo met her words.
She touched the ground, the tendril that may once have been an arm trying to drift apart. It rippled like water, but the ripples went in every direction. There was no ground, only... something entirely indescribable.
Was this Limbo?
"Is this the shade?" A silky, beautiful voice accompanied the arrival of a tall white man, robed in black. A frowning black woman, with white, gold-trimemd robes stood beside him.
"Yes, I've been watching her. She's yours, not mine. Why you dragged me along..." The black woman's voice was commanding, and a bit irritated. "I'm very busy. You'd better have a good explanation, Satan." The white man was Satan?
She didn't beleive in Satan. This had to be some near-death hallucination. If so, it was a fairly good one.
The white man - Satan - snorted. "Not mine. She's a doctor; she saves life. How could you possibly expect me to take her? I'd have to find accomodation for her, too. I suppose I could stick her with the False..."
"Then do so! She never did any good deeds in my name. She has no place in heaven," The black woman, who had to be God, snapped. Her white robes swirled around her, emphasizing her ire.
"For all the attention you pay, she might have been a devout follower of yours. I don't want that sort in my kingdom!" Satan roared, incensed.
"I'm telling you, I never received one prayer from this woman! She is not mine," God thundered.
Frightened, she raised a hand. The tentative gesture caught God's attention. "Ec - excuse me..."
God raised a thin eyebrow. Satan, likewise.
"I never beleived that either of you existed," she explained. "So I can't really belong to either of you, can I?" On both deities, the other eyebrow joined the first.
"Sorry, God, you were right. This one's mine after all." With a shrug, Satan tapped her on the head, and she sank through the 'floor,' all the way down to the icy prison of the Faithless.
Author notes
Hehehe... this isn't actually my veiw, I just thought it would make a good story.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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nah it doesnt have to be based off a person, i spose i just assumed when you said 'this isnt actually my view' that you heard it in passing or from friends or the like, i dunno. i spose it doesnt matter in the end, it did make a damn good story!
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fuck i liked this a lot. it was not what i was expecting when i saw the title or when i began the first paragraph. but being surprised, and enjoying that surprise is an amazing feeling and i do love it when it happens, especially in short stories, which have so little time to explain themselves. i do want to know though, whose view was it then, if not yours? and what gave you the motivation to work with that view and create this? but overall, fucken great write, keep it up!
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What, it has to be based off a person? I dunno... probably some character I read about ages ago? Or maybe just a combination of people I've met?
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I liked the pace, which is quite fast. What about adding more details? The plot is fresh and engaging.
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Interesting.
I found this piece very interesting and amusing.
The pacing is spot on as it keeps you going to the end.
Once again well done.
jsdk -
Haha. This made me laugh, in a way, though some of the turns were slightly obvious. And I'm sorry, but do you HAVE to be so politically correct? (The "Evil" being a Caucasian male, and the "Good" being an African-American female?) Just sayin'.
Otherwise, your descriptions were good. Keep on writing. And please don't be offended by my critique-- it can always be taken with a grain of salt.
cthbeginning: 4, language: 2, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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Oh, I just realized that I didn't reply to this, though I wanted to. ^-^ I'm not being politically correct just because God is a black woman, and Satan is a white man. I remember what one astronaut said:
He got off the shuttle for the first time, and a reporter asked him, rather sarcastically, "So, did you see God up there?"
"Yes," he replied. "She is black!"
That always fascinated me.
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Wow! it was interesting to read the story.Keep up the good work.
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COOL
GREAT JOB -
haha, i love religous storys, even tho i REALLY hope this aint true i really enjoyed the concept
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lol, quite interesting here... i like the conversation between god and satan. very unusual.
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Very good.
I enjoyed this piece very much as it was an interesting comparison with a humerous slant.
I did enjoy it.
Keep on writting and all the best.
jsdk.beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, characters: 3.
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A very humorous way of looking at heaven vs. hell. One wrong word and you are either condemed or celebrated.
I liked the way this moved along. The arguing between the dieties was a very human thing and I could relate to it.
~*Brooke*~
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