1.
Some idiots were sitting around outside a factory. Two were trying to poke each other with dirt-covered sticks they found lying in a ditch, while one was left out and sat further away, picking his nose and staring out at the clouds. All of a sudden the manager descended upon them, waving his fists in the air like a metal gorilla. The idiots scrambled, covering their heads with their hands, and then marched inside, the manager with his fists on his hips. Inside the box-like building, he lined them up and spoke.
2.
A man with a long moustache grabbed a massive pot in his arms, lifted it, and bent over backwards in something like a pro-wrestling body throw. The pot's contents - a thick, black oil - flew out over his head, and the rim landed on his chest, pinning him to the ground. The oil spread out beneath him, and soon he started to kick his legs out in an urgent agony. The oil flicked up from his heels and landed on the nearby winter stove, which then burned even brighter.
3.
A young man, with hair that stood in a big spiral above his head, sat at a table in an otherwise empty room. It was entirely dark except for a single hanging bulb above the table surface, and in the centre of the table were two sheets of paper. The sheet on the left was printed in thick, block letters: "INCORRECT", across the entire page. The sheet on the right had various geometric figures printed, and the man picked it up to look at them. The back was smooth, and the figures on the front were outlined by a rift in the paper - they were stickers. The man lifted one off and tried to stick it to the other sheet, but it would not attatch, so he put it on his arm instead with his right hand.
As soon as it was patted down and fully attatched, the ink disappeared and an incredible pain shot through the man's arm. Unable to think, he ripped the blank sticker away, and a perfectly circular red line appeared from underneath. The surface was tilted slightly, and when the man pushed it, a lump of flesh fell away and onto the table. When it hit the table with a thud, a ring of material broke off and a perfectly spherical ball bearing rolled away. The man caught it with his good arm before it fell off the table.
Author notes
First post. I put the same text up at a different site, before realising the comment rate was too slow for me ^^;
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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I really enjoyed reading this, and I hope you post more of a similar nature in the future.
I like to think of them as similar to paintings; one scene, packed with movement and imagery, and around which others can construct their own stories.
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thanks for the crit~
mmm, things happened quickly because they were really really short. theyre nothing more than image-training for me, if you didnt really get anything out of it. hence the title "sketches".
im with a couple of jiichan right now and theyre making me drink so much>< -
Welcome To SW
I am confused as to this one and I reread it a couple of times. I don't think that this is a story..or is it? Is this something that you're working on? You could take each one, extend it further and make more stories out of them.
Kamala -
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thankyou for your thoughts.
i guess postings to this site have to be either 'poetry' or 'story' or 'garbage'... i just like writing.
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Interesting concept, although it feels unfinished some how. Maybe it's the lack of something to tie them together that isn't explained, perhaps that's also personal choice. What you do have is well expressed and well written. If you're looking for more comments, commenting on others stories is a good way to get noticed. Plus by doing that you earn points that you can reward or feature your stories and increase your readership/ comment rate. Thanks for taking the time to post this. *smiles
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I haven't tried to finish them, which is why i titled them as sketches. I'm pretty sure they are connected though, and that might be a future post.
The newbie welcome is much appreciated! Thankyou!
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Pretty good sketches. Though confusing it those have good descriptive elements.
One question though are those sketches different stories or different sequences but part of one story?
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