Michelle

I've decided to give everything I've ever written for you. It's goes in order of oldest to newest. Please, don't be offended by past poems. They are, truth be told, what I felt at one time, but do not feel anymore. I just want to finally say to you all that I said.

Merry Christmas,

Chance

Here It Comes

Feb. 14, 2006

The rose was slowly dying,

As I sat down in Yearbook,

I sighed inevitably,

As millions of squeals shook,

The very fiber of time,

From giddy preteens with shallow hearts,

Filled simply by a box of chocolates,

A stuffed animal, a card, and some sweethearts,

That say "I Wuv U," "Be Mine," or "Kiss Me,"

Sitting here with this rose colored like a setting sun,

Am I going to win her over this way?

Is Michelle really that easily stunned?

Of course not, that girl deserves a book,

With proper grammar that takes the effort to,

Not spell things terribly wrong (wuv),

And add 'y' and 'o' to that naked 'u',

I'm glad I found a funny girl,

One who is sweet and smart,

I'm so glad I'm sure,

To invest in you my heart.

Author notes

Happy Valentine's Day to all. I actually got a Valentine.

=D

Indecision

Feb. 27, 2006

I sit here in this garden,

Of love and uncertainty,

Wind rocks the flowers to and fro,

Like they're waving at me in glee,

I sigh as I remember what I've risked,

She'll be here soon to laugh at me,

I glanced around at the thought of rejection,

Which was the quickest way to retreat?

No.

I had to stay here and take what she says,

I rock nervously with my flower company,

I notice a vibrating bee fly by,

And, begin to shake slightly,

This garden is and will be my only lover,

As I ponder the idea of rejection once more,

I notice that the wind has stopped,

An eerie omen that shook to my coar.

No.

She's here, she can't be!

I clench my hand into a fist,

Nearly pulverizing the rose in my hand,

The thorns dig deep in my wrist,

She looks around for me waiting to meet her,

I shove the rose in my mouth and chew,

The thorns cut my mouth open as I swallow hard,

Blood dripped on the flowers like morning dew.

No.

I stagger away, trying to stay out of site,

I choke on the flower. Oh no, she heard me choke!

I fall to the ground to stay hidden,

She looks around,confused by what seems like a joke,

Darkness slowly consumes the wonderful hues around me,

She finally turns around after picking an morning glory,

She leaves the way she came as I cry softly,

I wonder if she'll keep looking for me.

No.

Darkness takes over,

I never got to meet her,

And, I let down my only lovers,

I don't know which is worse,

The wind stops as I gasp for breath,

The sun goes down in the west,

All of my flowers close for the night,

I say goodbye as the burning dies in my chest.

In my last dream I'll ask her to love me,

And see what she says,

Maybe, this time I won't be afraid,

This time she'll say

Yes.

Author notes

I'm in the mood where I kind of hate/love her. Her name is Michelle Lazcano.

Dark Features

Feb. 28, 2006

In the clearing I spot her,

The cliche girl from all of those,

Shy scribbles you read in poetry books,

My steps echo to all of the hopeful pupils,

Yearning for me to stop my repulsive lament,

Like an old black and white romantic film,

Obscuring blotches flash past my eyes, is she there?

Vinegar flavored tears drop on my polished shoes,

Each brown hair waves gently, welcoming me,

Frangrances emenate from her soft neck,

Oblong foot steps bring me to her suddenly,

Resting behind her so relieved and eager,

Harmonious choruses encourage me to touch her shoulder,

Eager hands turn her around to find nothing,

Rough darkness blankets her entire face.

I scream in sheer horror at the site of this "face",

She isn't anybody, she isn't a she,

She's a lie that decieved my heart,

And, I don't think I'll ever trust my heart again,

With my loves, beliefs, and convictions.

Author notes

A poem of loss.

Extraterrestrial

Mar. 2, 2006

Ululations that sound in the distance

From a nearby civil war

Only awoke me from my dreams of splendor

My wings so stiff, aching, and bent from the wind

Attached by a few tendrils near my clammy shoulder blades

Every night the memory of her fades

A swift chase through the clouds to appease her

(In fact, her laughter rang clearly in my mind)

I expected child's play, but was given betrayal

Her ulterior motives have taken their toll

Feathers float by, crumpled from this earthly air

Leave my wings naked to this wicked planet

Why was I the villain of this tragic duet?

The others were there to watch us race

Secretly wishing I was gone away

So piteous, I, the victim, lost and betrayed

Slowly my soft wings rot off leaving two scars

The booms and screams of war echo everywhere

And the reason shot off in my mind like a flare

Cursing at the clouds loudly, both chortling and sobbing

So, I was there new angel of death

I spat on the sorry dirt of this, the man's homeland

My eyes became ready, fists replaced my sweaty hands

I'd do their dirty work, every human would pay

Author notes

Today in English, a girl named Michelle I used to like and I traded papers to grade. I drew a gory picture of a dead animal, and she drew a picture of two angels, one chasing the other on hers. I decided a story for the two angels. Basic betrayal love story. I really like it. I guess in a way I combined both of our pictures. I'm keeping hers forever.

Imitation Is Flattering

Mar. 5, 2006

Two hands caressing each other,

For reasons only god knows,

Sitting on the hands of time,

Making brutal days (for others) slow,

Envied by every being possible,

Having the holy grail in their hands,

Who can deny their devotion,

To the most emulated couple,

In all the land.

Author notes

A winding path. I want to be part of a couple that everyone awes, and wants to be. I want to be in love, so, in love I encourage others to fall in love.

Kind of vain.

The Death of The Betricked

Mar. 7, 2006

Protected by the dead body of a giant,

The beautiful girl sips lemonade,

The sun doesn't reach the princess,

In her depressing shade.

Killing wasn't what she had intended,

Her hair swung around and about,

But, this was the best way of life she decided,

She decided to move on, the betricked giant's,

Shade was diminishing, and she'd soon be out.

Author notes

Damn you, Michelle.

Evolving Catastrophes

Mar. 8, 2006

Chastising pictures painted with time

Aren't worth nothin' these days

Purchased on the corner, for a mesily dime

I hate these new days, I don't care what you say

The future isn't the future without what you wanted

Nothing is nothing in the dawn of resignation

'Cause now lifes aren't cherished (they're haunted)

This isn't even what we expected to have

The future is supposed to move forward, advance

This must be the past, because everything's wrong

Thoughts strangle in between half-yelled rants

Everything is messy, no one here to touch up

Everything is boring, nothing is entertaining

Synonyms in your old dictionary

Must have connected the wrong definitions

And, now, knowledge has ruined another entity

That was never knowledge's full intention

Just because my arms are caked with red tar

Doesn't mean I have any scars

(It could be your blood!)

And as long as the blood's there,

I'll never know if it was my blood or hers

Until I slowly fall in a deep sleep,

And ready my soul to be reaped

Author notes

Another one about how knowledge only hurts you. Nostalgia isn't good. I also miss Valentine's day.

I'm empty.

Time Bomb

Mar. 14, 2006

Planting kisses on her angelic cheeks,

(And burying the throttling shrieks)

Fluttering tears float past me,

(No gravity)

Forgetting the floating corpses and saying we're alone here,

(Compensation for our relentless fear)

The laws of nature have no meaning today,

(There's not even meaning to the words I say)

This was not meant for the likes of me,

(And the world was burdeoned with the fee)

A shattered world on my conscience,

I kiss her, and say,

("I guess there isn't time now for repentance.")

Author notes

I wasn't meant for love, I guess. That's just how I feel.

Changes

Mar. 16, 2006

Pristine taken daughters in this room,

I am not one of those people,

Shreds of tears torn in anger,

I am not emotional,

Everything I wasn't before,

(Pre-you of course),

I am metamorphising,

Via your illuminated smile.

Author notes

I felt like it. FM

Impalpable

Mar. 17, 2006

Pregnant fears ready to erupt,

(I know I promised I'd keep my mouth shut)

I just don't have any money to gamble,

(And the odds are scrambled)

Now's the time to reveal my lies,

(It hangs over me in the daunting sky)

Fading in and out of secrecy,

(All the while, staying sedatary)

No one is here to hear you break,

(When you learn it's all so fake)

Promise me that you'll be the same,

(Trapped in a picture with a dusty frame)

The solutions are disguised,

(Hidden ahead, in the smogs called time)

Author notes

I was bored at Ben's. I like it.

Just Observing

Mar. 20, 2006

The rain thuds on the leaves,

on the trees in her frontyard,

catapulting splashes on my hair.

The streetlights make the sky,

glow eerily bordering the roofs,

that hide your secrets from the world.

My nose is red and cold of the wind,

that whips my hair into my eyes,

irritatingly enough for me to scream.

And that cold grey door won't ever open,

with you framed so beautifully in it,

again for this frozen soggy soul.

By the time it does, I'll be long gone,

for the rain that splashes me is water,

and water melts the souls of the wicked.

I hope your wounds heal,

and you return in the daylight,

to find someone warm and worthy.

I'm sorry I ruined it.

Author notes

This seriously never happened to me. I imagined it though. I didn't hurt who I love however, I just assumed she'd like me back, and that's just as bad right? FM

All Waxing and No Waning or The Other Way Around, I Guess

Apr. 10, 2006

Laying in that sterile chair,

Suspended between generic-teenage-plights,

And life and death situations,

Watching the dots in the flourescent lights,

(Like people walking the streets)

One shot, two shot, three shot, numb,

The modern wonder of the dentist's syringe pierces me,

(And, how we wouldn't have come along without it),

I am bombarded by attempts to sleep,

Consumed by the steadfast numbness in my face.

Considerations and revelations,

I can't let you know I wasn't vindicated,

A sea of fluid attacks my cerebrum,

(Relieving precious cells from being syndicated),

I slowly blend with the white chair.

Platic-covered, for public use,

And dead.

Author notes

It came to me when I was at the dentist's today.

Synonyms and Revelations

Apr. 13, 2006

Pessimism and a stained wine glass,

Are the only things I own,

Bitterness and blinking lights,

Engulf my broken throne.

Regret and alcohol are a neccesity,

(It's the only way I survive),

Without the only emotion I feel,

How else would I know I was alive?

Addiction and cigarette butts blanket the floor,

Forever stuck in this sweaty chair,

I can't risk being sucked in again,

Trying to clear it all with self-esteem and prayer.

Damnation, boxed in apartments,

And every last dream shattered,

(Tell me some reviving words of endearment)

That's just living life when your name is 'hazard'.

Author notes

Today, my eternal crush and I were sitting in English, reading a dictionary. She'd give me a word, and I would spell it for her. She'd then tell me what it meant. She suddenly gave me the word...'hazard'. I spelled it right, and she gave me the definition. The first word was 'chance'.

It was one of those I feel like crying moments...

But, Never Anything Real

Apr. 15, 2006

I wish I could walk out of this life

Drop my skin and give up on it all

Take these stainless steel chains off my heart

Locked up tight by a sweet talking vandal.

"Make me better, cheer me up,"

Ears can't process (understand) the command

Vaccinate heartbreak and wake me up once more

Pry this unrequited rose from my withered hand.

Willing to be anyone's warmth

(I'll love you if you make me look content)

I miss the feeling of love and wanting you

Now, my body is for rent.

I want to slowly fall asleep

Wake up somewhere (another world) that smells like you

(I dream about it every night)

No wonder I always have deja vu

(But, never anything real).

Author notes

FM

B e c o m e

May 3, 2006

I saw you in a picture frame,

Twenty years from now,

And, you looked just the same,

Except your elongated fingers,

Were on my chubby shoulder.

I thought Angels hated men,

But, you were always a bad angel.

Author notes

FM

Plaid Blankets That Hold All of My Thoughts [While Sitting Next to You at the Drive-In]

May 21, 2006

Flickers from the movie gleam through the windshield

Of your helpless dented blue Mercedes Benz

Your cold hand sits idly on the arm rest

[mine is on my even clammier beating chest]

I pull the blanket closer, it's plaid

[boxing in all of my overlapping thoughts]

So much going on in the world [in little plaid squares]

My thoughts of you are miniscule [the size of the small plaid blanket we share]

I feel guilty for eternally thinking about you

I also sort of blame you [but not too much]

I bet the guy on the screen didn't have so much inner conflict,

[those sappy typical hollywood endings make me so sick

because... because this bucket seat next to you isn't anywhere near hollywood]

Author notes

This has nothing to do with anyone at the drivein tonight, just so you know, Aerica, Ben, Ronnie, and Casey. It takes place at the drivein, but with someone completely different.

Just another poem FM.

Ruined

Jun. 5, 2006

A cascade of emotion from the littlest pin prick

To your god-complex. [It really is getting old]

Waking up to red skies with fireballs for clouds falling

Somewhere far away, again, I hear your sweet ironic voice calling

I go.

But, you have no power over the environment or the world

You only govern those who fall victim to your voice

And I will roast in Hell before I fall victim to it all again

[please, let up on us. god knows we're only foolish humans]

Scratch that; I'm only a foolish man

You bend down to me wickedly, and you whisper

You tell me it will never end, because I never accepted the beginning.

Author notes

Hopefully, the last and most indepth poem FM.

It's about a guy completely controlled by a girl.

A Spiderweb of Abbreviations

Jun. 17, 2006

Testosterone surges

Fickle, angry urges

Welcome to life, boys and girls

There's no exit after now

And, we're all in the same pose

Holding onto the same dead rose

A spiderweb of abbreviations

You can be so gorgeous and vague

We're all merciless from now on forward

Don't let them buy and sell your words

Testosterone surges

Fickle, angry urges

Welcome to life, boys and girls

There's no exit after now

A holocaust of hearts all around

From guns that don't make a sound

Bring you to your knees (testosterone surges)

Endless eyes of green (fickle, angry urges)

"I like your light hearted inebration"

Do now, questions later, molestation

My words are all tangled in

A spiderweb of abbreviations

And your eyes are staring at

A tidal wave of indignation

I said, there's no damn exit after now.

Author notes

The last four lines of the last verse have actually been around for months. I decided that I needed to finish it off. I decided it was time I guess. It was time I finished the last poem FM.

EDIT

This poem originally repeated the chorus over and over at the end, but it was annoying and now gone.

The Missing Third

Jun. 21, 2006

Lengthy discussions contradicted by every word said

Rather be shaking, dead, crying in bed

A criss-cross of affection pierces my empty soul

Leaving me burnt with a gaping, technicolor hole

I wasn't any match for you [all] anyway

[seriously, go away, come again--

--another day] I hope you don't need some more

Flavorful blood, my corpse doesn't bleed anymore

Love doesn't look the way it used to

"Common misconception: Love is coming to you"

I'm afraid if I stop complaining, I'll forget

I guess I want there to be a third regret

Author notes

This poem references you in an unexpected way. At the time, I was debating whether the only reason I really "loved" you was due to copying of my friends who all got together. I refer to "us" as the third regret [my reasoning was that Ben/Casey and Steve/Ronnie would be known only as regrets someday]. It was the day after I went to the zoo with them and I really wanted someone to walk with...

Co2

Jun. 22. 2006

Effervescent alien tears

Sizzle down my red cheeks

You never took my breath away

Damn this truthless cliché

My CO2 breath was simply in reserve

Locked away deep inside and preserved

Those lost breaths were scheduled for today

To carbonate my endless tears

Author notes

Just something that came to mind.

A Thunderstorm of Idiosyncrasies

Jun. 23, 2006

I see your face among the crowd

Selfless grins. You. fucking. hate. comradery.

I never understood why you hated conformity

You're beautiful [i do admit,

your vacant eyes are a deformity]

I don't know what kind of technicolor,

witty, symmetrical, immaculate being you want

But, your vacant eyes behind brunette tendrils

of beautiful, soft, waving brown hair

Resting in your tan skinned face below those

oh, so elegantly formed eyebrows

Aren't going to rest upon me

[to you, among these zounds of people

in-this-rundown-city

I'm just downtrodden debris]

Author notes

I know, I know. Never again...

I can't get over her. FM...

Hate Self

Jul. 29, 2006

We're all each others' Technicolor nightmares

But we all cry the same grey tears

Welcome to a future of social anxiety

[-you'll fit right in to our society-]

And every time I watch children's shows

I cry, because it's sad that nobody knows

That beauty isn't just skin deep anymore

Because when your hideous and piteous

It seeps in through your pores

And drenchs your brain with the inclination

That you'll never feel the beautiful sensation

Of actual love

So, say goodbye, say farewell

And enter your self esteem hell

Goodbye. Farewell.

Author notes

Just been in a self pity mood lately...

With You in Chemistry

Aug. 20, 2006

Welcome to another school year

Of lonely days and confirmed fears

Forward into dusty brown skies

Swirling around in your dead eyes

Kiss me, kiss me, in the night

Welcome back day dreams I'll never fight

I know these technicolor thoughts won't come true

But in Chemistry, I'd rather dream of wasting my time

With you.

Author notes

Aw fuck it.

FM

Guard

Aug. 27, 2006

Four leaf clovers and fortune cookies

Will never alter your argument

But simple rules in children's games

You kiss me, and I'm spent

Poltergeists and ghosts plague this world

But that's nothing compared to this girl

She saved us all from this lightning storm of abbreviations

With only the slightest of agitations

And yet, she can't be altered by superstition

The legend, the one fabled to be the greatest hero

She's the most beautiful creature

But there's no time for romance when you're fighting a foe

Years and years of alterations of her character

But if there's one thing that's same about her

Is the dry and unrequited relationship between

Her and the only one who doesn't treat her like a queen

Until her mortal lover slowly died in Issue Two Hundred Seventeen

At the hands of the author who created him so many years ago

Our hero never cried, she slowly went on to fight the next villain

A thought bubble sang the last words to the boy, "I love you."

It was somewhere lost behind her bright yellow super suit, far below.

Author notes

FM. BLAH.

The Lost Pictures of Last Summer

Aug. 27, 2006

As palm trees wither and rain reigns

Dusk grows bolder across golden plains

And so we begin to refer to the present as "last"

Who knew that it would all be in the past?

Late night fights over the couch

Sitting in basements with no lights in sight

As the stars hung over

and watched all our blunders

The lost pictures of last summer

Are tucked away into school lockers

Lost in cracks to nowhere

Sidewalk treks that led to nowhere

But long kisses unaware

Laminated evenings forever forgotten

The minute they ended

Friendships left unmended

Welcome back to hell with an

emphasis on who you are now

As the stars hung over

and watched all our blunders

The lost pictures of last summer

Are tucked away into school lockers

Lost in cracks to nowhere

Caffeine and conversations twenty four hours straight

Nothing but movie plots to contemplate

And watching lightning under warm blankets

The innocence of future regrets

Being that you're too young to know

Just sit back and enjoy your demise

as sun burnt truth turns into ice cold lies

As the stars hung over

and watched all our blunders

The lost pictures of last summer

Are tucked away into school lockers

Lost in cracks to nowhere

As the stars hung over

and watched all our blunders

The lost pictures of last summer

Are tucked away into school lockers

Lost in cracks to nowhere

Author notes

I miss summer.

Sorta FM.

Tired Marks

Sep. 5, 2006

Auto-pilot wheels spinning down

broken highways without a sound

as I realize who's sitting next to me

the idea of structure escapes me

tire marks dig into wet asphalt

as the car screechs to a hault

Kiss me,

kiss me,

kiss me,

your hand marks my eager face

"I thought it was all about the chase,"

Fuck you,

fuck you,

FUCK. YOU.

sinking feelings give me the rejection flu

I pull up to your house and bid you ado

Through eye lashes weighted by tears

I see your reflection in my rear-view mirror

you slowly fall into a crack etched in the glass

I sigh and decide to go and fill up my gas

as the dust stirs on these dirt roads making my way

home, I sigh, and decide it'll never be as headlights fade

Author notes

I like this one. I actually did driver her home.

Anyway, FM.

I Now Know

Sep. 9, 2006

And as the threads of time stopped

I listened to the humming of the song

Like bees buzzing through a playground

It was the loudest monotonous sound

The room was caught in the middle of a dance

Big girls rubbing each other in tight pants

This isn't the kind of place you'd want to be

Contrary. I see you a few feet off through the debris

Of shallow friends and future ends standing in the corner

Your eyes are in paranoid mode, like you just commited murder

Staring blankly at the linoleum tiles on the floor

One hand resting slightly on the exit door

And if there's nothing worthy enough to make you stay

I now know exactly what you probably were going to say.

Author notes

I'm not in the mood for a note.

A Cold Christmas for Michelle Lazcano

Dec. 12, 2006

War isn't over, contrary to Lennon's song,

And the winter chill just seems too angry and long,

In our brother's old clothes just to fight the cold,

[i guess we can never trust the words we are told]

But in the end, we must never forget those who have gone away

Even though the world doesn't even understand the words we say

So hug yourself tight

And wait for the end of the night

Even though, you're promised no morning sun,

If you can still see his face against the white sky,

Then half of the battle is already won.

Author notes

I really hope you feel better, and yet never heal. You've been all I've thought about for the last week. FM