The next morning she woke up in her bed. She didn't remember coming home, all she remembered was falling and being carried by a very cute guy. She sat up in bed and wondered if it had all been a dream. Could she have blacked out and had such a dream. But it felt so real. She had been in his arms. At that moment her thoughts were interupted by her mother screaming for her to get up. She got up and dressed quickly, she was going to be late for school if she didn't hurry, and start cooking and cleaning. She had slept to late. It was 5:00am. She had already lost an hour for chores. Her mother didn't do anything but shop so the chores were her job. Her father left a list every morning of what he wanted done for the day. He didn't want to talk to her. "Where is my breakfeast, i want it now." were the first words out of her mothers mouth when she walked into the kitchen. "I'll have it done in a minute mom." As she cooked she thought of the guy. All day she couldn't get him out of her mind. Even when people made fun of her she was thinking of him. She was daydreaming all day and couldn't get anything done. As she was leaving she decided to put him out of her mind. It was probably just a dream. As she walked across the football field some popular boys from school came up behind her and pushed her to the ground. As she stood they surrounded her. "Waz-up loser girl?" said the leader. He had black hair and dark green eyes. He was the guy every girl pined for. "Leave me alone Brad." she said as she tried to pass him. His bestfriend grabed her by the arms and pined her against his chest. "Get her Brad. I'll hold her for ya." he said grinning. He was just about to hit her when a guy stepped up and pushed him back. "Didn't your mother ever teach you not to hit women?" She looked up at him and gasped. It was the guy from last night. The one who had spoke to her. "Look dude i can hit whoever i want. Besides she's a loser, a nobody. She desurves to die. Stupid Bitch." At that he slapped her in the face so hard his hand print was on her cheek. "Whats your name anyway? Are you her boyfriend or something?" Brad asked wondering why this guy would want to protect her. "My name is Nathan. I'm just a friend ok, now leave her alone." As he said this he went over and took her arms out of the other guys grip. He picked her up and started walking. He didn't get far when he set her down and turned around really quickly. The 2 guys had been sneaking up on him and were just about to strike. He hit with the grace and force of an animal. She was so shocked that she couldn't take her eyes off him. He was defending her of all people. She watched in awe as he defeated 2 of the best football players in her school. When they were both knocked out cold, he turned tward her and asked, "What is your name?"
Author notes
this is one of the first stories i ever wrote.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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WOW... I absolutely love this and the last part made me laugh... great job...
DarkOne -
Nice.
Good writing. A couple of things might improve this: when you switch to dialogue it should start a seperate line with each speaker. You normally do not mix numbers in with the text "2" would be "two." Little things but they would make a big change in a very nice story. Very good going.
beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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That's nice, whoa good,
there wasn't any spelling mistakes
NICE ONE
beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 2, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 2.
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as always, I like it
again, the dialogue and also you shouldn't ptu numbers in writing, spell them out unless they're over a hundred.
and...just a thought...why is he always picking her up? still, I like it A LOT! (= keep going




