*~ Prologue ~*
Arrows flew, fire spread, lives lost, enemies made. Soldiers spilled blood of innocents, children slain too. Swords gleamed a sickly red in the fire light as they marched through the elven city.
Two elves ran for the city gates, a maid with her mate in tow. But before reaching sanctuary a stray arrow flew at the pair ending it’s journey in the male elf’s heart. When he fell to the ground the maiden was at his side, her pale hand resting on his heaving chest. Sadly before word to heal could be said the elf died in the maidens arms.
The soldier who had shot the arrow joyfully ran over, yelling with triumph at the death. Only he stopped short as he saw that the maiden was still alive. He cursed that he hadn’t been able to shot two birds with one stone, but praised he had missed when he fully saw the elf’s beauty.
Instantly he was seduced by green eyes that spilled tears, soft lips forming unheard words. Then the affects of his commander’s magic erased his desires. Instead of love, he felt blood lust. But enough love was left to prevent murder.
Silently the soldier strode to the maiden and grabbed at her arm pulling her close. A look of terror was plastered on her face and her silver hair flew behind her looking like wings. Words rushed from her in the Ancient Language that the soldier was uneducated in.
“Quit your babbling, you wretch,” the soldier said holding the elf’s face in a tight grip. “I do not wish to kill, just curse.” Then reaching for the only words of power he knew, the man proclaimed them in a commanding voice.
“Ono Drea Lupin.” Instantaneously a silver-blue light wound it’s way around the elf. When the process neared completion the elf’s eyes widened and a scream tore through the night.
When the light was gone the maiden found herself on the ground, her white dress stained by her mate’s blood. Beside her lay the soldier, dead from the spell. For fear of her own death the elf lept up and ran to the forest. Leaving her home in ruins with smoke rising with the moon.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
For hours the maiden ran gaining cuts on her arms and legs, tearing her dress, and snagging her hair on branches. Before long fatigue and grief caught up with her. An so in the middle of a moon lit clearing the elf fell to her knees weeping. Oblivious to her surroundings the elf never saw a snow white wolf come up and sit right in front of her. The amber eyes of the wolf looked lovingly at the maiden.
“ Why do you cry child on such a glorious night as this,” the wolf said in a woman’s voice. And without raising her head the elf replied.
“I cry for my lost mate, the death of my home, and the curse bestowed upon me.”
“And tell me, what curse was that?”
“To live as an elf and as a wolf.” Now the elf did raise her head, but what the she-wolf saw shocked her.
The elf’s eyes where no longer green but the same as a wolfs’, amber. And beneath those eyes were three silver diamond shaped scars that had appeared on her originally flawless face.
Suddenly the night’s breeze picked up and lights appeared. The lights where so bright that the she-wolf had to look away from the elf. But when the lights left the wolf opened her eyes to find that the elf was gone. But in her place was a wolf pup the color of the moon. And underneath the pups eyes where patches of black fur in the shape of diamonds.
♥*
A contest entry
- 13th century by Pudding-zilla.
230 points, ended October 25, 2007, 3 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Fanfiction fun by sugarrrainbow.
140 points, ended June 22, 2008, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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i liked it. you should show more and tell less, though.
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Oooh, very intriguing.
I admit to only having seen the movie, but I really liked it and I really like this.
I wish you would've described the elf more to me though. Not her physical appearance, but her personality.
Good job and good luck!
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Not bad
I'm not a big fan of fanfics, especially when it's something I'm familar with such as Inheritance. Luckily, it wasn't as bad as I had feared it would be. Thank God!
Overall, I thought it was good. It did have a bit of a rushed feeling to it though, something more discription could help with. I have trouble with that, too.
"Ono Drea Lupin." I strongly appreciate that you actually used the word "you" in the Ancient Language. I love linguistics, and am currently studying Icelandic (were it an actually language, the Ancient Language would be placed very close to Icelandic in that particular family). I admire the research Christopher Paolini did for his language and am afraid I'm a little too picky. Syntax wise, I believe (but cannot say for certain) that the sentence should end with "ono" instead of beginning with it. Also, Latin has had very little impact on the Nordic group of the Germanic Language family (to which the Ancient Language would belong) so the word "Lupin" kinda stuck out. The masculine word for wolf in Icelandic is úlfur. I'm only just beginning my studies and so can't tell you the word for "she-wolf."
I realize that you probably have no interest whatsoever in this, but I thought I'd share my thoughts just in case. If you wish to focus on this storyline, a little bit more research (while of course not required) would not be misplaced. Regardless, I enjoyed the story and will almost certainly continue to do so should you post anymore. Please forgive this nerd for leaving such a long, boring, and critical sounding comment. I truely did enjoy it.
~Mnemosnye Sagittarius~
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Oh wow!
Lot's o' information!
Lol, I don't even remember if I ment for it to have "you" in it, I started this story sooooo freaking long ago. But thanks for appreciating it. I'm horrid with languages so, yeah, I FAIL!
I'm glad you though this was really good for a fanfic. I know how you feel by fearing them. "Oh once upon a time Eragon just finished making out with Arya then a giant herd of unicors appeared and ate them!" (I seriously have seen stories like that, -.-). But, yeah, I really don't want to butcher Inheiritance, so it's good to hear I haven't...yet....x.x
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wow. nice start. you stand a good chance of winning. I just hope I get more entry's. lol. great job
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It's a good start, definitely. It's quite suspenseful and the imagery is good, but I think that there should be even more description.
I'm picky, lol! This was great. I'll check out the other parts as soon as possible.
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This is really good! I can't wait to read more!
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YAY! Ani your writing kicks butt! I loved the detail! LOVE LOVE LOVE! YAY!
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SWEET!
I CANT wait to resd more, rain!!!!!! good job!!!
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Nice!
You have a very good prologue. Great description! It was so vivid that I could actually picture each scene. You have a nice start and there were a lot of interesting details. I can't wait to read more of this.
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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Interesting it was very good and was true to the Inheritance Trilogy and this story had good plot and good discription. Overall this was a pretty good piece without any noticable epelling or grammar errors.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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thanks a bunch. you read Inheiritance? your the umm 1st person ive met on here that has...go you.
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Thumbs up
Very vivid. Put's you in her shoes, I could really see this, Sounds good would love to read more.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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