Marty was an endangered species. Not by himself of course, extinction is a team sport. So his family helped. If that sounds a little incestual, it's because it was. They were the last of the electric moles, and Fortune had not been kind to them (this was actually due to a misunderstanding when Fortune blamed them for a relationship gone sour).
The electric moles were endangered because of one man, a merciless, godless slaughterhouse on legs. He harvested them for their filaments and made slippers out of their carcasses, which made his feet pretty disgusting since he didn't even bother to hollow them out, just shoved his feet down their throats and wiggled his toes in their intestines. This man was Thomas Edison.
Thomas Edison did not discover the light bulb. Thomas Edison discovered the electric moles, who had light bulbs protruding from little stalks on their heads, sort of like angler fish, only these weren't just phosphorescent, they were fully formed General Electric 100 Watt bulbs with a soft white glow. The implications of this are quite mind-boggling and suggest that either General Electric or electric moles have access to time travel. But that's irrelevant (for now anyway).
Marty's family prayed to Karma for salvation, but Marty knew that if he was ever to be intimate with someone other than his sister and mother and Uncle Terry, Thomas Edison would have to die. No one else believed in electric moles, or even electric lights yet. With the help of some dramatic irony, Marty devised a plan. Under the cover of darkness (which came early because this was before electric lights were seen as practical and Edison's only interest in them was trying to create laser light shows that would impress women in bars) the electric mole family would sneak into Edison's bedroom and collectively stuff all their feet down his throat. Karma smiled upon them.
Fortune, however, did not. It was bound by the laws of physics and dimensions (and was still nursing a grudge), so although it wanted him dead as much as anyone else, it could not allow the tiny legs of four electric moles to plug Edison's throat, or even his nostril for that matter. Edison woke up with a mouthful of mole and, like anyone in that situation would, swallowed. Marty watched horrified (he'd been supervising from a safe distance) as his father, mother, sister, and Uncle Terry were eaten alive and chased with an Alka-Seltzer (also uninvented at the time and therefore supporting the idea that Corporate America will someday govern the use of time travel).
Marty suddenly remembered a karate movie (Beverly Hills Ninja, to be exact) he'd seen on Edison's anachronistic television set, and before he knew what he was doing he karate-kicked Edison squarely in the jaw, causing him to spit out the Alka-Seltzer and parts of Uncle Terry. Marty jabbed his little light bulb stalk into Edison's eyeball and zapped him like a Pikachu on crack. Edison screamed in pain and ironic realization, then died. Karma snickered. Fortune giggled. Marty hiccupped.
After nine months of thinking he was the last electric mole, Marty gave birth to a nephew. It turned out Marty wasn't a he after all, which would have made Uncle Terry very happy, were he not trapped in the eternal purgatory of Edison's stomach. Marty and his new nephew propagated enough electric molelets to repopulate the electric mole community, where they lived happily until General Electric appeared in a time machine and enslaved them all to provide the future with light bulbs, electricity, and cheap labor that would have otherwise gone to illegal immigrants and that would just be wrong. Karma and Fortune eloped and lived happily ever after. The end.
Author notes
I used picture 2.
http://s129.photobucket.com/albums/p226/Lukkieight/?action=view¤t=d5.jpg
The little guy looked so sad I knew he must be endangered. And if you don't think this is 100% true, compare that picture to Edison's first light bulb: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Edison_bulb.jpg
A contest entry
- Pictures! by Lukkieight.
327 points, ended December 20, 2006, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Impress me! by QueenWolf.
350 points, ended January 14, 2007, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Let's Play A Game... by roars-in-public.
413 points, ended April 22, 2007, 28 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - weird and wonderful!! by angel.of.mine.
200 points, ended September 4, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Laugh, 'Til I Cry. by Schnitzel.
475 points, ends November 30, 38 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - You've been a bad, bad boy. by corrupthoughts.
225 points, ended November 20, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please don't leave me alone with Uncle Terry
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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I do not think I need to tell you how unique this is, but I will admit to you, that I originally read this piss drunk last night, and very quickly realized I would need to wait for a sober time before I would comment (and I re-read it)... The reason why, (besides the insane images and ideas I was getting from it) is because I immediately caught a subtle, perhaps subliminal reference to our society in this story. The moles making up lower and middle class, while Edison would be more so related to higher-class and government.. the fact moles worship karma, but end up being eaten alive BY Edison, is ironic to me.
I also don't think I need to tell you how amusing this is, I am someone who can not write humor like this and always admire someone who can.. I loved this simile "Pikachu on crack" -- that one had me laughing out loud last night with the things I was picturing. Also, saying fortune was still nursing a grudge was real amusing to me as well. A lot of the voice this story teller has, keeps me really interested.
Now, I don't have any grammar mistakes to point out, but I will say this now that I've done my gushing... I am not sure this piece fits the purpose of my contest. I enjoyed it immensely, but don't so much consider Marty or Edison a true 'bad-guy' or 'villain' in all the sense of the word..
This was wonderfully written though, and at this point, was the most unique thing I have read on this site.
Thanks for entering and good luck!
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I wasn't sure when I entered whether it'd quite fit what you wanted. Some people (not you) have really narrow parameters in what they expect for their contests, but they leave it to the entrant to figure them out. So I almost didn't. But then I remembered how truly nasty and vile Thomas Edison was, and I knew that I had to expose him as the villain he is.
Thanks for such a great and insightful comment! They're rare on this site...
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Hahaha wow! This was a totally epic balance between silly and amazing-ness!!
Great language use, and fantastic imagination!!!! I really like the whole Fortune/Fate thing you had going on 
And I absolutely LOVE the end. Kudos dude. This is amazing!!!!! I think I shall have to go read some other stories by you....
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Haha, very good and funny too. Good language and very spontaneous.
oh and.... So he is a she even he/she didn't know he was a she, but how couldn't he know she was a she. i mean its obvious whether one is a he or a she. but even though you pointed out that he was a she you still called she a he. confused??? cause i am... i think.
and these left me in tears. Marty jabbed his little light bulb stalk into Edison's eyeball and zapped him like a Pikachu on crack.
Karma snickered. Fortune giggled. Marty hiccupped.
Thank you and good luck, Schnitzel
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There have been cases where someone's gender turned out to be not what was assumed, though I forget the medical term. Also, hermaphrodites. And remember, in Jurassic Park, "nature finds a way."
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LOL
haha funy as, although it sounded kinda freaky weird at the start, it was a gud read. thanks for entering and gud luck. -
Haha, I like this =P
But hey, Beverly Hills Ninja is a great movie =D Seriously, I like it =P
But yeah, great story... random and silly... the way we all like it! =)
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 5.
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Oh dear lord. You are so hilarious. And funny. And iguana-tastic. My favorite part:
Marty suddenly remembered a karate movie (Beverly Hills Ninja, to be exact) he'd seen on Edison's anachronistic television set, and before he knew what he was doing he karate-kicked Edison squarely in the jaw, causing him to spit out the Alka-Seltzer and parts of Uncle Terry. Marty jabbed his little light bulb stalk into Edison's eyeball and zapped him like a Pikachu on crack. Edison screamed in pain and ironic realization, then died. Karma snickered. Fortune giggled. Marty hiccupped.
LOL. Anyway, keep writing so i can keep laughing.
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I love you
Anything with edison bashing is fine with me. After what he did to tesla? Pssh. Actually, if you could parody that it's make a great companion piece.
Funny, imaginative, and demented.
Very fun read.
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Very cleverly written! Loved the humour and the moles. It gave me a good laugh.
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Gawd... had me laughing the whole time!!! man.... I loved it! The character were hilarious! Great imagination!
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LOL!!! Beverly hills ninja??? Pikachu on crak?!? Haha! Had me laughing through almost everything!! I love "he wasn't a he afterall" bit the most!!!
At the end of a hard day, people should be entitled to read this. Or something as lighthearted as this Not that I'm going through a bad period, but this was a delightful read, nonetheless. Share the laughter and the smiles!!! Thank you for this -
Comical and full of humor. Enjoyed it a lot! Good plot and nice description. Could use a little more details but overall, this was one good story. Great!
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ONE WORD COOL
I enjoyed your story very much. have you written any others > I would love to read them. Tres Bien! -
Ha ha. I want to spend a day in your head its got to be interesting. Keep on dazzling us with this great wave of humor.
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ok i think that your story was a bit weird aand kinda funny.. some parts had gotten me a bit confused buti jus read them over and understood it better. good job and keep up the good work.
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Good stuff. Funny.
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Wow...
I liked how you said extinction is a team sport and Marty's family helped. And I never knew, Thomas Edison was so disgusting! And like all of your other stories I've read, it was funny! (We'd make a good team! I write funny stories too!)
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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XD Yay, this was hilarious! The weird thing is, the way you told this story it made it sound entirely possible and sensible. I don't know how to describe it other than that...XDD Anyway, an excellent piece, and good luck in the contest!
~ [eRi]ca ~
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Haha. Wonderful! It was so ridiculous I think I laughed a bit.
-Ethan -
Silly silly silly.
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Thank you thank you thank you.
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Usually, I leave novellas for comments, but this has completely struck me dumb.
I have no idea what to tell you. Constructive criticism fails me...I just don't know what to tell you to make this better.
This is so weird and random I just don't even know what to say about it. It was really funny and it made me laugh...which is embarrassing when you're around complete strangers...this is really good and reminds me of some old stuff I've written. Which gives you clearance for that little soft spot in my heart. Good job...this was really cute and funny. I loved it, in all its strange glory.
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interesting, you are definitely creative.
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Great story. You built some really strong characters and had a good storyline. The writing was terrific and held my interest all the way. Great writing and good luck.
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Interesting. I really didn't understand the story. It was good though.
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Well, basically...Thomas Edison is evil. Evil evil evil. Don't let the history books fool you with their lies.
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Intresting, I was hoping to be impressed ^_^ you did well good luck on my contest.
Penny x x x -
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I'm hoping you meant that as "I was hoping to be impressed...and I was," and not "I was hoping to be impressed...and you seem to have misunderstood what 'impress' means." Thanks!
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No i enjoyed it mate ^_^ thats what i ment by "you did well"
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Nice!
The thing I like about your stories is you never have a clue where it's going, it's a free ride to anywhere. Again, you made me laugh, and that's just awesome. Great sense of humor you have there.
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You go, Boy!!!
Way to go, Brent!!!
Congrats on the Gold. It was a great story.
^..^ Travis Wayne.
I am happy I got the Bronze but feel like Kenny11 deserved it more. His pic and pain story was way too funny. -
Random
Your work is seriously the most random stuff I've ever read. I love it. Just when I think it's getting too crazy to be taken seriously, you manage to tie it in with something that would otherwise be completely irrelevant and create a plot.
It's a gift man, seriously.
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Thanks, I'm glad I could share it with you.
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Now, I see the light.
Great story. Funny to no end. I liked the character Marty. That is one really big bulb ya got there. Wink.
But...give me a candle to a lightbulb any day.
A family that plays together
Shares the rays together.
Brent, thanks for sharing another lightbulb moment with us.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Oh MA GOD!
That was the funniest crap ever. You even used electric moles. Was this inspired by the little moles that Mrs. Belding came up with? I just love how your stories always have a subtle meaning relating to our messed up lives.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Once again, that was hilarious. I didn't know that Thomas Edison was light bulb murderer. Hm, I guess I'm not a true history buff
Thanks for entering my contest, good luck!
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