Part of tears of blood: Reign in blood

No one was home except Diavol, in his bedroom. His wife Jennifer had a business trip to go to, and all of the kids were with relatives and friends. He looked around, the room seemed to be his sanctuary for this evenings bloodlust. The door was locked, as was the balcony doors. Only candlelight gave the room some illumination. Diavol was sitting on the bed dressed in a Shockley beautiful uniform. Red silk hung loose in a "V", showing off his splendid white chest, while a darker red sash bloomed with black beads. The beads dangled off the edge of this truly magnificent silk sash. Tight black pants ended where knee high, new, shiny black boots began. All of this went well with his body shape, his shiny pitch-black hair, and porcelain white face. His usually black lips where covered up by make up, making them once again light pink. Usually Diavol would convince a beautiful teen to come home with him when he hunted around bars. Mostly they where drunk with beer; but this night a whore sat next to him. His wife would have a fit if she found out, though his wife would not be back in a few more hours by then the whore would be long gone. 1

The whore was hypnotized by the demon's dark aura, consumed by it, drunk on it. She followed although her limbs screamed not to. Diavol's aura was exceptional, he was the strongest of his kind that he knew of, with the incredible exception of his lost father. The stronger the demon, the stronger the aura. The aura does not merely hypnotize people, it also makes the demon more appealing to other creatures. Those who are gifted to see people's aura, would see a god like figure, a being seemingly so perfect, that they are unable to deny any wishes. 2

She sat on Diavol's lap, facing him. With one leg flung over his, she slightly rubbed his middle, making Diavol’s eyes roll back; making him gasp and smile with satisfaction.3

She curled her fingers through his hair, playing with it. Diavol took in her scent in, tasting her neck as his black, split tongue rubbed against her neck artery. With a gasp of surprise from the whore, Diavol leaned back upon the bed. They situated themselves on the bed, Diavol's head on his pillow. The whore was busy unbuckling his belt, a not-so-innocent unsuspecting victim of the upcoming horror, then suddenly...4

"Don't do that, not now." His cold, smooth tone gave away a hint of bloodlust.5

The whore did not speak, but instead made a move for his shirt, slowly unbuttoning each button one by one; until finally, she reached the last one, it came undone slowly as she savored the moment, his shirt slowly slid to the floor. The scarf around his torso, that hid his belt came off soon after. His white chest now exposed, the whore licked him in satisfaction. Diavol rolled over, now he stooped over her. His hair dangled over her, like a big black waterfall. They where at the edge of the bed when a harsh growl came from the pit of Diavol’s throat, a growl like a wild cat’s. She looked into his eyes now, no longer occupied by his radiant body. She saw the bloodlust of a hungry animal, saw what she feared...her death. Now she knew the rumble in his throat was just the call of an anima,l for no human could make such a noise of foreboding. Now she knew what he was, a monster. But it was too late... it was far too late for these thoughts to be swimming around in her head at this time. She made the wrong decision earlier in the night, the decision to follow a man she knew nothing about. She had foolishly sealed her own fate. 6

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Jennifer got home early. She parked her car, took her keys out of her white corvette and stepped out onto her circle driveway. She had a pleasant drive and tonight worked out better then she hoped, the camera delivery men took shorter then she expected. 8

"Won't Diavol be surprised?” She quietly asked herself.9

She went over to the fountain that was in the middle of the driveway. In the soothing sound of pouring water she saw little gold fish swim by as she looked at her rippling reflection. Everything was in check on her face, her lips where not too rambunctious, neither was her hair. She looked like the woman the kids came home to every night, and the wife her husband came to love. She slowly unlocked the door and pushed the doors open.10

Strange, she thought to herself, but not unusual.11

"Weird." She remarked outloud. She was bushed. Diavol gave the butler a day off so she hung her jacket up and walked up one of the split staircases that went up to the second floor of their mansion.12

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The whore, unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you look at it, was still alive. They fought the whole time; the whore using her nails and teeth. But it was futile, the strength of a vampire out matches any girl. Diavol pined her wrists and strateled her legs, and soon after he changed. On his shoulders, the skin became boney, and harsh; it stretched and began to make wings. His lips and jawbone stretched, making way for teeth, instead of two long fangs that grew out of his mouth. His teeth grew to incredibly sharpened points, dagger-like kanines glittering in the dim moonlight coming through the open window across the room. His pointy ears turned gray and grew even pointer, bat-like and gray. His long, beautiful hair mended with his body and turned to fur that arched down his back. Claws grew where fingernails were. Diavol's wingspan was from tip to tip now, like his fathers. His chest was riddled with bumps and folds of skin. His feet turned to bat-like claws. His beautiful features where gone, replaced by his inner self. Her hands where still on the pillows, pinned by his gruesome body. He opened his mouth wide, about to take a chunk of skin out of the whore. Her heartbeat grew, becoming more and more amplified. His hunger became an addiction as it grew, it would only cease if it was satisfied, and soon his whole body ached for blood. He took a bite out of the whore, just as Jennifer unlocked the bedroom door. 14

"Hey Diavol, why is the bedroom..." She turned on the light and looked up at the sight on bed. 15

Diavol's eyes widened in fear. The monster stared back at Jennifer, not moving, it's beady mint green eyes looking at her silently. It's pupils in slits, dialing because of the intensity of light. She looked at the dead woman on the bed, the face of the newly deceased white and gray frail body was held in immortality, or so it seemed. As if it had died years ago. Her face and shocking lips now black, held in a silent scream. Eyes focused towards the door, clouded by white, were now fixed on Jennifer. It’s neck, her neck, was twisted, broken flesh and blood perfectly removed. A crater took its smooth surface. A crater full to the brim of blood. Jennifer ran out the door at top speed, or as fast as High heels could ever allow. Diavol got off the woman painfully and turned back to his previous form, with the sole exception of the blood that dripped down his muzzle. He ran after Jennifer, bolting through the door, wiping the blood off his face and on to his arm. Jennifer looked behind her every so often to see if this thing, this monstrosity was after her. She took no chances and ran full tilt down hallways, and staircases. But his speed was quickly matching hers. Diavol ran like a bullet and met her at the bottom of the grand staircase. He incased her in his grasp, his arms steady like steel as he held her still.16

"Calm down, calm down, calm down." Diavol whispered to her, trying to reassure her.17

"A monster is in our bed room! It killed! I saw her!" Jennifer gasped as air escaped her lungs. 18

Diavol didn’t know what to say, his pink lips trembled searching for a word. All he could say was a promise, not an explanation. "I'm sorry, you had to see that. I'm sorry." He was about to embrace her in a hug when her eyes widened, and she looked up at his face. He looked concerned, but other then that he looked unfazed by what was happening.19

"You." Jennifer whispered like that one word sapped her strength, and it some how did. Tears leaked from her eyes as she slid to the floor, giving up her struggle before it even began. Her golden locks frizzy and untended from the droopy bun at the back of her head. 20

"You're it... you killed." Her voice wavered, unwanting to beieve it.21

"Yes," Came Diavol's reply. "I try to forget."22

"Why?" She searched in his eyes for an answer.23

"I would love to explain it to you. But I think we should go to a more comfortable setting... maybe like... our bed room?" He smiled weakly, trying to bring a little bit of happiness into the dark situation.24

Her eyes widened in fear "My god... I'm next."25

"No, you're not. I mean..." He tried to explain, but to no avail. His vocabulary failed him, as he stammered for the lost words. He paused, gathering his thoughts. He tried look at her calmly, but his brave outer expressions cracked, revealing a torn ego and self-loathing. Blood red tears stained his flesh as confusion played in his eyes like a never-ending song. He gasped for air, and forced it into his lungs. He touched her face and pushed her uneven hair behind her ears.26

"You may not believe me if I did tell you about my life, and why I had to kill her. But please, know this, I love you and no matter what happens, that will be absolute."27

"Diavol, if you actually did you would have told me by now, and would of known that I would try to understand."28

Diavol's red eyes peered into Jennifer’s sky blue ones. With a sad note Diavol noticed that she feared him. He wished for the understanding he thought she would have towards him. He got up from kneeling on the floor with her. 29

"Will you trust me one more time? If you don't believe me you can...you can leave me and..." He trailed off. He inhaled in a short spurt as he finished the end of his sentence. "...And I won't stop you." His sad note hung in the air like forgotten hope. 30

She looked at him once more, he looked human. She held her breath and let it slowly roll out. "I will."

Author notes

Well this is the infamous story I dedicate to with my poetry and my cousin Kagome.Sadly this was the only part of my story I have on my computer and it might be out of order as well if i do post again.The other parts I made where deleted so it might be confusing because the other previous parts and its prequel was deleted/Being rewritten.

~Audric Beaumont

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 55 of 55

  • Darkhearted
    July 21

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    wonderful read. you described the vampire in a very unique way that intriged me. great detailing.

    good luck,
    chey-bear


  • dreaminwriter
    July 15

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    very well written, i didn't get bored reading this so thats a big plus. good idea for a story, your vampire was very different from the 'norm', more demon than vampire and i am going to be thinking about whether it fits the contest.


  • Quixotic Greeters member
    May 21

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    very well written. You do have some structural problems that can be solved by breaking some of the longer paragraphs. They sometimes seem a bit 'over' crowded. I loved the story and your descriptions were good. Well done!


  • tallblondie Greeters member
    May 15

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    Some grammer/spelling/punctuation errors;
    [1] 'very' not 'vary'
    [2] 'Consumed' - does not need to be capitalized.
    Diavol's aura - need to specify ownership with 's
    [4] 'Diavol smelling her in' - awkward phrasing
    [6] 'Diavol's white chest was now exposed. The whore licked Diavol's white chest in satisfaction.' - the second instance of 'white chest' is redundant. 'were' not 'where'
    [14] 'But it was futile - the strength...' add the hyphen to give emphasis to the second part. Either that or a comma. 'straddled' not 'strateled'
    Awkward phrasing; 'Instead of two long fangs that grew out of his mouth.' - misuse of 'instead of'
    'melded' not 'mended'. 'Becoming' shouldn't be capitalized.
    [16] 'dilating' not 'dialing'. 'High heels' - again shouldn't be capitalized

    There is an issue with continuity - you make no mention that as he chased his wife, he transformed from the 'monster' back to 'normal' - apart from a passing mention that she didn't react when he held her.

    Apart from the errors, this piece was fairly intense. Good descriptions and emotion evoked.

    Thank you for your entry.


    • Audric Beaumont
      May 20
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      all fixed!!!!!!! Took me and my cousin a few hours but it is done. Great editing in done by me cousin Kagome!!!!

      ~OG


  • Nagamasa
    April 11

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    Meh Meh Lol Humans and vampires eh...hehe very interesting This is something new that a vampire would treasure his wife so much haha especially a human wife Great piece of write...the climax and intensity is enough A very nice write that you got here hmm but one In my contest so far... I didn't mention abt vampires though. SO what genre will this be in? Lol Family Love? Or Fantasy? The *sex* parts are not intense enough to categorize this into the first category hmm...well We'll see abt it I guess

    Thanks for joining and good luck


    • Audric Beaumont
      April 18
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      I suppose it would be in catagories love or superpowers. It was never about the sex. Really it has a hint of every thing. But love and superpowers would probably be the main thing.

      ~OG


  • Intrepid
    March 20

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    Different..Had that who factor with intersting twist and turns and hot vampires ^.^ very well done ..lovely

    good work
    thank for entering ^.^
    ~blair~


  • IxLovexElphiex
    March 13
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    good job! slightly hard to understand at times, but still good. and i think you could use a better word than "whore" i dunno it kinda breaks up the flow for me. but other than that, very great emotion! i love vampires. haha!
    thanks for entering and good luck.


  • LadyLionnir
    February 25

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    Wow, incredible description! I love the originality too, it had me on the edge of my seat with that thickness of emotion. Great work, really! Good luck in the contest and thank you for entering!


  • Violet Hawthorne
    January 1

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    ok, I love Diavol's name. Rarely can I come up with names that are any good, but wow! Diavol *likes* And right at the part when Jennifer was coming home I literally could not look away from the computer screen, this is a true thriller and I am only hoping that there is more where this came from. Because how on earth could I hope for it to better when I know it can't?


  • whichcraft Greeters member
    December 29, 2007
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    If I walked in on my man doing that, I would be furious. Why do these characters always feel compelled to feed on whores? Not all of them have no family who will not miss them. This type of vampire/demon stories are starting to get old but you just barely have a different spin on it.


    • Audric Beaumont
      December 31, 2007
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      really its not that they don't have people that will miss them.Its that what they do puts them at risk.Vampires are sexually charged characters. Besides I think I said it was justa whore tonight but not all the time.

  • im...
    December 24, 2007

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    Sahweeet

    This was very great! I started reading it, and it looked familiar. I have read this before, like a few months ago, and I really like it then, and I still love it now!


  • Immortal Obscurity
    December 17, 2007

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    Hmmm... Verrry nice! There is something sexy about those vampire-types, and Diavol fit the bill perfectly! Well done, and good luck.


  • Friesian gold member
    December 8, 2007

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    Very good!

    I don't care for mistakes, cause this was exceptionally well written!! I love the idea of a vampuire turning into a monstrous bat! AWESWOME!! Beautiful descriptions!! Great Job!! Excellent write!!!


  • Taboo Pixie
    November 15, 2007

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    Really good. I enjoyed reading this. It definitely captivated me. great job and thanks for entering

  • V l
    October 10, 2007
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    I love it .I'm a big fan of vampires and love this story


  • Token Massacre silver member
    September 12, 2007

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    The door was locked as was the balcony doors
    was should be were since doors is plural.

    There's missing comma's through the story.
    Red silk shirt hung loose in a "V" showing off his vary splendid white chest.
    you need a comma after the "V" I would also remove the word shirt.
    "Red silk hung loosely in a "V", showing off his vary splendid white chest."

    "and" or "but" shouldn't start sentences unless they're in dialogue.

    There are also capitals in the wrong places. Consumed does not need a capital.

    Watch being repetitive, you have very good imagery here using the same words in sentences detracts from that.

    Unbuttoning each button one by one. For example...

    strateled is straddled

    There's some paragraph structuring problems. That's easily fixed though. Just watch putting the focus on too many things within the same paragraph.


    I have to admit when I saw this on the reading list I was thinking .... great another vampire story. However! I am IMPRESSED. You hooked me. I hate vampire stories and you hooked me. I will definitely read more to this if you post more. I got right into it, the mayhem, the betrayal. all of it was amazingly done. If I could applaud more I would but I'm afraid I can only give 3


  • Dreams of Insanity
    September 6, 2007
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    Wait...who the frack is Jessica? I thought his wife was Jennifer?


  • Andy Stephenson Greeters member
    September 3, 2007
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    Good Story

    Sorry that you are having to rewrite lost parts. The second time you mention Jennifer, you call her Jessica. There are a couple of times that 'your' should be 'you're'. Is Jennifer going to start helping Diavol recruit victims? Will she become a vampire? And what about their kids?

    Andy


    • Audric Beaumont
      September 6, 2007
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      no she will not.She will stay human Diavol may be a vampire but in a previous story which probably won't be put up.It will talk about Diavol's life and how being changed changes who you are.Diavol knows that if he changes her his children would loose her to the thurst.
      AS for her children it will talk about in the third installment that there are more then meets the eye. But ya since Diavol's a vampire his kids are half breeds at least his son happens to be. Which is a huge plot point later when i get to write it.
      Now I have yet to put a chapter up that tells what will happen to Diavol's life he does tell. And BTW as it is an important plot point Diavol's full name is Satana Diavol damian victor Dracula.The second born but the fist undead son of Dracula.Which is in the previous story on how that happened.I plan to make a sequal to this but I have yet to think of a really good plot.

      ~Lovelikeblood


      • Andy Stephenson Greeters member
        September 6, 2007
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        Hmm.

        Who is Dracula's first born?


        • Audric Beaumont
          September 6, 2007

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          Well im taking this from real life as stoker did in his novel.The real Dracula had a son.He was assassinated after he became ruler. His father The real dracula died in battle or was also assassinated no one knows which.I don't know i have different sources on that. stoker's Dracula then rose from his grave as a vampire.My stories is a prequal to Bram stokers dracula.Which explains why the real prince vald lived and ruled in wallachia a providence off of transylvaina/Romaina and Stoker's tale takes place at the carpathians.Besides there is a period in time where Bram stoker's Dracula does a time skip from the time Vlad was a real prince to being with John harker.Basiclly my story fills that slot between the time.With the POV of Dracula's 2nd child Diavol. I plan to use The real dracula's homeland as a setting for my prequal story to tears of blood:reign in blood.I have a few chapter up Tears of blood:Bloody wings.

          ~Lovelikeblood


    • Audric Beaumont
      September 6, 2007
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      well i can't be perfect I had to revamp it little by little.so thanxs you both I would of never caught it.

      ~Lovelikeblood


  • RedTalon
    August 15, 2007

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    First of all, where in the world did you come up with the name Diavol? How do you pronounce it? The way I'm getting it, it sounds like some sort of drug.

    I definitely saw a lot of typos and shit, but those can be fixed...if you want them to be fixed. I found myself actually liking this romance...which was kind of awkward, considering. Well done, though. I don't think anyone else could've pulled this story off better (except grammarwise).


    • Audric Beaumont
      September 6, 2007
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      Pronounce it as (Die vol)It is romanian or a common language that is around that area. Diavol's name means prince of darkness.I was kind of at a loss what to write for his name so...ya.It fits though don't worry in the prequal Diavol is a little monster.There is a reason for his name to be such.

      ~Lovelikeblood


  • Delfishie
    May 19, 2007

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    hmmmm

    There were a LOT of grammar mistakes in this and also sentences were you left out key words. I would definitely go over this with a fine-toothed comb and edit out the mistakes, because I would have LOVED this if it had been easier to read.

    I really liked the relationship between murderer guy and wife. The way he referred to the victim as a whore really made me mad, but in a good way. I just hope that in later chapters of the story he gets punished for murdering her.

    Did you ever complete the story? Or get it together again? Or is this all that's left of what you once wrote?

    It was an interesting reading. I strongly suggest editing it, but besides that, neat story.


  • DarkRainFire
    May 17, 2007

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    Very deep and full of many emotions. It was wonderful. I enjoyed it much. Keep penning. You make the story jump off the page.

    . Rewarded 4


  • Reed Marie
    May 11, 2007

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    This was interesting..in a good way. It wasn't what I was looking for but I do love vampire stuff so it sparked my interest right away. I love how Diavol kills and such but when it comes to Jennifer, he's human.

    What I also liked about it is that I don't know what Jennifer meant by "I will" but that's a good thing. It's for the reader to decided..until the next chapter I guess..

    thanks for entering


  • tutie7
    April 9, 2007
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    this story is a good set up and i think does a good job of pulling the reader in. it needs a little bit of editing in the dialoge but other than that looks pretty good to me.

    its too bad that you are having computer troubles, i know how you feel in that aspect. i get the same thing. you should try emailing yourself or using a USB thumbdrive! heaven to me!

  • Kitzwa
    March 31, 2007

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    A very original story. There were a bunch of spelling errors though. Like when you say "Claws grew to where finger nails where." I think you mean "where finger nails were." You seem to confuse these two words quite a bit because it's in your story about 5 times. Or my personal favorite "He tried to explain but to no Advil." Advil is a brand of asprin. I think you mean "avail." Other than that you have a pretty good story. I know though if I was the wife I wouldn't be so quick to forgive my husband for being a vampire.


    • Audric Beaumont
      April 2, 2007
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      thanxs you i wanted to know what falts where there in my story.My comp is a little weird and grammer check is also screwy. but thats ok ill just have to copy and rewrite it no biggy.
      ~lovelikeblood


  • robert davidson
    March 25, 2007

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    good

    A thrilling vampire story with lots of gory description. But it is a bit confusing at times and could be tightened up with a careful rewrite. Thank you for entering my contest.

    Robert Davidson.


  • kkz2343
    February 25, 2007
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    coolie!! I can't believe she forgave him! I'm... I'm... dead.

    I'm not dead but I'm just so surpised!!!!!
    I love this story. It's awesomer thn a possum. Truely, it is. And possums are pretty awesome.
    Good luck in the contest. ;


  • Drac
    February 23, 2007

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    very good story!
    Beautiful wording and language, I like the way you write!
    Very well done, good job!
    Emotional and scary, sad and lovely
    Good one indeed


  • Christa Steiner
    February 18, 2007
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    Very interseting... I think you could revise it... Hope to see more








    *ShattereD*


  • Faeinthewood
    February 13, 2007
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    Nice! It was a very interesting story, well written, well thought out. It was intense and lovely. I liked it very much and it would be fun to read more if you post it. Don't worry I can usually figure out confusing stuff!


  • Hopeh
    February 7, 2007
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    That was an aweom piece. I luved it


  • ChorusQueen11
    January 29, 2007
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    I am not very fond of vampires but this story was GREAT! I think I am gonna put you into the finalists. Excellent job! This is definatley a drama and one of the best stories I have read...even though it DOES have vampires


  • the-horror
    January 20, 2007
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    great story.


  • Oblivion Kitty God silver member
    January 19, 2007

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    A nice little story, and a curious one. I liked it but didn't really feel the darkness I was looking for, but this was a good stroy nonetheless. Good job.


  • devilzrock007
    January 13, 2007
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    YEP

    Now thats a good story


  • Miss South Carolina
    January 11, 2007

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    great

    i liked it is was very interesting, very different from what I usually read would love to see more,keep up the good work


  • Rebel Rebel silver member
    December 25, 2006

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    Nice little story for the Contest.

    Glad to have you as a member of our group: Theatre de Vampires.

    Seems human men are not the only ones who are unfaithful. But he had to be so in order to get his blood. I wonder what the cheating human men are out there getting in the throes of marital infidelity?

    I think most women would stand by their men in thick or thin.


  • Mr Pooptastic
    December 23, 2006

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    Great

    Very different. I like the different form the vampire takes and the aura thing. I thought the fact that his wife despite seeing his horrific form, still decided to stand by him, that was also an unorthodox way of depicting the situation. There was some spaces in places and some things that seemed a little redundant but it was really great.


  • silverxandxcold
    December 20, 2006

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    good

    it was good i liked it alot! well i cant tell you about spelling or grammar because i suck at it but it was awesome!


  • antibeautiful
    December 9, 2006
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    I do like the beginning, but I think you need to check the conversation, and how that is coming along. I had trouble understanding what the characters where saying. I did love the whole atmosphere that you added to the story. It was a beautiful write.

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