Felicity

Slowly beside her creaking walker, I plod along in the giant shadow of Felicity's heart. Everything except loving and independence come slowly for her. It's because of her stubborn fortitude, she's walking at all. Cerebral palsy can't keep her down. I often wonder if she ever gets tired of moving so slowly but her mom told me, she doens't know any different; it's just something she accepts. The phrase, "it's just something she accepts," has stuck with me for so long and resounds with a new phrase I've recently heard, "suffering is optional." Felicity lives this out on a day to day basis.1

She knows within minutes if you are interested in her as a person or if you have ulterior motives. (This takes some of us so long to figure out.) She sees beyond the phony and the fake. She revels in pleasures so small, so insignificant to some, like buying a red plaid scarf can make her happy for a week. If you hurt your leg, she'll tell everyone even if they don't know you so they can empathize with you too. She has the sensitivity of an empathic. You can smile a phony smile pretending everything's okay but she knows. She'll be unusually quiet or hug you out of the blue to tell you it's okay if you want to cry or just hug her back. Don't expect a light, aloof hug; when she's hugged you, you know it for sure; she's so strong.2

She looks younger than me though ten years seperate us. Her wisdom far exceeds those ten. No matter what any test or paper says; she's not profoundly mentally retarded. If she were, how could she be such a wonderful teacher? I may try to teach her ways to communicate; so others can understand her, but she will be my teacher on the more important lessons of life. 3

I don't know if she'll ever make that printed F on the page with her hand. She's happy just trying so she can leave her mark and seal it with a kiss. She smiles just to be with me; happy that she has my undivided attention. She'll fight to sit beside her mother and insist friends sit close by too. 4

She'll continue to teach me life lessons, like be happy with what you have and always be willing to give more. To give without reserve or judgement; be as happy to recieve as to give; she has not problem appreciating gifts given to her as she'll tell about them for the next few months. Recieving just a dollar from Uncle Dick and Aunt Marge will be "news" for weeks.5

She knows no lying or sarcastic tone. She doesn't joke about people's weaknesse and never makes fun of people's mistakes. She laughs out loud at what she thinks is funny and cries unabashedly when sad or upset no matter where she is or in whose company. (To know such freedom is foreign to most.) I walk in the great shadow of Felicity's heart.