I’ll never change this is me
this is the person i’ll always will be
I know you hate my soul
I can feel your heart burning cold1
you don’t know the other half
the other half of me
I miss seeing you laugh
I miss you talking to me2
You gave me life raised me up
took care of me gave everything i didn’t need
I really wish we could start a new life together
me and you a mom and a daughter
‘cuz I love you eventhough you hurt me
I always will, can’t you see?
I love you mom
I hope it’s not too late!
‘cuz im still awake
A contest entry
- I want allpoetry by Hinata-is-me.
100 points, ended April 13, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything. by asthray.heart.
530 points, ended February 26, 2008, 23 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Publishable Poems? by Bitter Irony.
300 points, ended July 2, 2007, 42 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
tell meh watcha think?
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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thats sad..
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why were you reading this?
i wrote this when i was 12
its not true though -
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idk, i was bored
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doo too.
i have the jepordy theme stuck in my head -
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u ALWAYS have that stuck in your head. nerd
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i dont even watch that show.
you think i have the patience to watch some old dude ask questions that i hardly understand -
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well you watch TV all the time
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true.
hmm.
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lolz
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Excellent story told here, but you need to make sure the punctuation is correct. I'm looking specifically at missing commas in the first lines of the first and last stanzas, and a miscapitalization of the word "I" in the first stanza.
Also, I suggest a more original title.
Your last stanza is a good deal stronger than the first two. Its wording is more original and it feels more emotionally charged.
My verdict: the last stanza is publishable (if you fix the grammar errors) but the first two aren't. Keep trying, though! You've obviously got the talent. See if you can work that last stanza into a poem all by itself, or work on removing the cliches from the first two.
Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck!beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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This was sad
The last line was very emotional. Good job at this.
Thank you for entering in the the contest and good luck.
Lady Madeline.
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Glad you enjoyed it
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Your last line..
makes me think that the persona in this dream is thinking all those good things felt were only brought about by a dream.. but yeah, we tend to think that.. because things that sound or appear too good to be true.. are often that. I hope it still has not been shattered, this image is beautiful, afterall. Thanks for sharing this with us
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Your welcome, thanks for reading it
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Kool.
I Like It!
Its Really Sad,
But I Love Sad.
=]
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tnx i love sad too :]
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OMG
you should keep writing......
aw man i wanna cry...... -
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lol tnx! and im srry i make u cry lol
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That's a really touching song! It's really sad and I love the ending.
It's sooooooooo sad!!!
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tnx ^^
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very nice song teeheee
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tnx!
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