My Boy

Jon shut off the engine and waited for me to get out, but suddenly the confusion and hurt of the last month were too much for me to contemplate anymore. I needed answers.

"Jon, why... why did you ask Sarah out, and not me?"

"Sophie i am sorry. we just didn't click."

"didn't click? what does that mean?"

"i don't know.. we just didn't click."

"then why did you ask me to homecoming? why didn't you ask Sarah if you were so in love with her?"

"i wasn't"

"what? then why did you like her enough to ask her out a week later?"

"i liked her.. then.."

"and you liked me before?"

"oh, er, not really"

i felt like i was about to cry, all that time i had been falling in love with him, thinking he was feeling the same, and it was all in my head? it didn't even seem possible. getting to know Jon and falling for him had been so different from all the guys i had liked (let's face it, from afar) before. i felt like i knew him, and i felt the spark of something more than just friendship.

i turned my head away from him and looked out the window, willing my eyes to stay dry. but i couldn't help the little sob that broke free. it seemed nearly inaudible and i hoped Jon hadn't heard. if he knew how i really felt towards him... well i hoped our friendship could survive, but it would certainly be awkward.

but luck was not on my side today.

"Sophie.. are you crying?" he sounded a little confused.

"no." i choked out the word.

Jon reached out and stroked my cheek with his finger. it was the first time he had touched me in over a month and it made my stomach lurch not unpleasantly. when he spoke again his voice was tense.

"Sophie, i.." he paused. "i need to tell you the truth."

i kept staring out the window.

"please look at me?" he gently took my chin in his hand and turned my head to face him.

i swallowed. "the truth?"

he took a deep breath. for some reason that small action was adorable to me and i wanted to... i don't know what i wanted to do.

"i haven't been honest with you Sophie. i am sorry i didn't tell you this earlier, but i honestly didn't know how you'd react, and then after homecoming you seemed to have had such a horrible time.. and i assumed it was because of me, so i asked Sarah out because i sort of liked her, and i needed a cover up so you couldn't figure out.."

"figure what out?" i felt a small twinge a hope, but quickly suppressed it. hope never got me anywhere.

"i think I’m in love with you Sophie. that's why i asked you to homecoming. and it's why i asked you as a friend- because i couldn't bear for you to reject me as.. as more. and believe it or not, it's why i asked out Sarah. i felt so panicked when i thought you were mad at me, that you'd figure out i loved you and despise me. and i didn't want anything to wreck out friendship. even if that was all i could get, i wanted to have it. just to be with you."

my breath caught in my throat and my pulse surged. i felt even more like crying now, i was so happy. it didn't help that Jon looked so utterly vulnerable and lovable. i wanted to kiss him right then and there. but i couldn't, not yet.

"Jon, is it-" my voice caught. "is it true? is what you just said true?"

"of course it is. why would i make that up? do you know how hard is to be sitting here, spilling my heart to you like this?"

"then why wouldn't you touch me this past month? you never hugged me any more or tried to scare me by tickling me when i wasn't looking... nothing."

"because if i tickled you or touched you at all, I’d want to hug you.. and there was no way i could hug you without you realizing the way i felt."

"but.. Sarah. you kissed her. i always wanted to be your first kiss. mine too."

"i kissed Sarah because i did have feelings for her, a bit. and i didn't see how you we would be together any time soon.. it felt- wait. what did you just say?"

"i just said why would you kiss Sarah if-"

"no, after that"

i blushed. did i have to say that again? it had slipped out accidentally the first time. "i always wanted to be your first kiss."

"Sophie do you mean..." he was leaning slowly towards me. i took a breath, and though it felt loud, it came out as more of a sigh. i thought i knew what he was leaning in to do, but the questioning look in his eyes told me i needed to confirm his hopes first.

"Jon i.. back in September-" (God, was it that recently? it feels like it's been months) "- i fell in love with you." i paused. "and this past month, when you've been with Sarah, I’ve been so confused, and hurting. but now.."

the ecstatic surprise in his eyes (oh those beautiful blue eyes), even though he must have had guessed by then, was thrilling me.

and in a sudden movement, he reached down and cupped by face with his hands, and then his lips touched mine. my pulse jolted, no matter how many times i had day dreamed this moment, i never could have imagined how gently he would hold my face. or how tender his lips would be against mine. or how warm the heat radiating from his body would be. my heart soared, and my muscles (which normally are quite strong) went weak, as weak as i thought I’d never be able to use them in an effective way again.

after what felt like a lifetime, but must have been really only a heartbeat, our lips parted, and i gasped. Jon was breathing heavily, and at first i wondered why. our kiss had been so short, but then i realized i to was breathing with the steadiness of an asthmatic person running a mile, from the emotions and sensations roaring through us.

i reached up my hand and ran it into his hair; his gorgeous, soft, brown hair. i thought i heard him let out a small groan, nearly inaudible, but before i could be sure, our lips met again, and i don't know if either of us were sure who started it this time. he kissed me with an intensity that comes from pent up desire. but inside the intensity that was probably going to leave my lips swollen for the next week, there was a love so fiery and pure, it came as a complete shock to me. i had no idea i could ever feel this way about someone, or that they would ever feel the same in return.

i was quickly changing my mind about being his first kiss, whether he learned his techniques from Sarah or not, he was a heart stoppingly good kisser. i didn't need to be experienced to know that.

i don't know how long we sat there, basking in each other’s affection and trying to convince ourselves this was all really happening, but finally he pulled away and i rested my burning face in the hollow space where his neck connects to his shoulders. he kissed my temple and whispered "Sophie.. Sophie..," he sighed, "i don't think i could ever get tired of saying your name.."

"don't then, just keep saying it forever." i mumbled into his chest.

"i love you"

hearing those words made me feel happier than i had felt in a long time, more content than i could ever imagine. this was where i was meant to be.

"i love you Jon"

***

Despite the fact that i had fallen asleep in a dazed, dream like state of euphoria, i woke up in a cold sweat. With a sickening jolt I had just remembered the most important obstacle in the path of Jon and i. It was one word.

Sarah.

He had never broken up with her, had he? I didn't think so, what with the spontanity of our kiss (in spite of my distraught state, i smiled in memory)and all. I panicked, this meant that he had cheated on Sophie! And when she found out, there would be murder...

I quickly dialed Jon's number. When he answered, i sank back into the pillows on my bed and sighed happily.

"Hello?" he mumbled. Clearly i had woken him up, and for the first time i realized how cute, how sexy, his voice was when he was sleepy.

"Hi Jon. It's me."

"Sophie? God, Hi!" i could practically hear him smiling. For a moment i thought about not telling him, but instantly decided that would only complicate the situation later. "How are you?" he continued.

"Jon, i have to tell you-"

"Tell me what?"

"Sarah."

a pause, and then, "Shit!" I knew he was upset because Jon never cusses, and i do mean never.

"Jon you haven't broken up with her, have you?"

"No. Sophie i am so sorry! I never expected that last night would happen. Especially not when it did. So i didn't plan for it." he paused, and then in a tone that clearly said he wanted to be taken seriously, "Although, don't think for a second that means i have any regrets. Because i don't, not one. I meant everything i said."

Again, despite of the situation, i felt my self grinning. "I know... me too."

"I am so glad!" For a second we forgot about everything and sat there in mutual happiness.

"But Jon, you have to break up with her."

"I know... It'll have to be tomarrow though; i don't want to do it over the phone. It's just too cruel. I mean, i already have to tell her i cheated on her with you. Who she has been suspiscious of the whole time.."

"She has?" In some perverted way, this pleased me.

"Oh yeah, always asking me what was going on between us, giving me dirty looks whenever i mentioned you.. all that."

I laughed. "Well i guess she had good reason!"

"True. So is that ok that i wait until tomarrow?"

"Yeah... i guess. But that means we can't hang out today doesn't it?"

"you're right. darn it."

"Oh well, maybe we can do something this week?"

"Sure, but let's not be too open about us for a little, i don't wanna rub it in her face."

"i respect that."

After some more chit chat, we hung up and i found myself with nothing to do but wait until tomarrow.

The next morning i took extra time getting ready for school. I straightened my hair, put on a mini-skirt, a cute shirt, and boots, and even put some mascara on. I wanted to look good for Jon, today was going to be our first Offcial day.

I admit, when i was walking to my locker i was getting some serious butterflies. I mean, what if Sarah gets totally pissed and sets out to ruin my life? (Cliche as that sounds.) Or what if she really hurts Jon's feelings? Or convinces him to dump me? I tried not to worry, but frankly, i couldn't help it. And adding to my nerves was the fact that i had absolutely no idea how to act with Jon today. Like were we supposed to hold hands? Was that even allowed if he is just breaking up with Sarah today?

It wasn't until i felt strong arms encircle me that i realized i had been standing and staring at my locker, lost in thought. Jon kissed my cheek and held me close. "What's wrong Sophie?" i felt his breath tickle in my ear. My nerves about how to act vanished in an instant.

"I'm just, nervous." I turned around and looked him in the eyes.

"I know, me too." It felt good to hear i wasn't alone.

"Jon- should we be doing this? I mean, what if Sarah sees?"

He smiled, "She has an orthodontist appointment this morning. She won't be here until middle of second period." And then he was leaning down to kiss me.

But tragically, before he could make it an annoying voice screeched at us.

"Oh My God!! What is going on?!" My stomach sank and i instantly broke out in a cold sweat. It was Sarah.

"i thought she wouldn't be here!" i whipsered to Jon.

"She wasn't supposed to be he said to me, then focused on Sarah. "Sarah- I was going to tell you-"

"Tell me?! I've been asking you for three months! You couldn't have told me then?!"

"This has only just happened.. I really was going to tell you. Today, actually." Jon was flustered. And i could see why, he was having to break up with his girlfriend in public, with her practically yelling her side of the converstation. By lunch time, the whole school would know he cheated on her.

Sarah started crying. "Well, it's not as if this is really a suprise i suppose." she whimpered. I felt sorry for the girl, i really did.

"Sarah, i'm sorry. i really am. but.."

"Fine. i know, whatever."

he reached our a hand to comfort her, but she brushed it aside and stormed off.

I laced my fingers through his hand and squeezed. "It'll be ok Jon."

he squeezed back. "i know."

***

on Thursday, 3 days after the Break Up, Jon pushed open the school's front door for me and we walked out into the beautiful, cool fall day. Our fingers laced together, we walked down streets of trees with vibrant leaves on our way to his house.

"Hello? Anyone home?" he called out as we entered. "My parents shouldn't be home until 6, but i was just checking." he said. i looked at the clock on the microwave, it was 4:30. "Want anything to eat?"

I laughed, it was weird he was asking me. I normally help myself. "I can get it myself"

"No! You're not just my friend now, you're my girlfriend-" he stoppend to smile, that adorable grin with the dimples, and his eyes that crinkle at the edges, taking their own part in the smile. "-so i have to do everything for you." "i want to." he corrected himself.

"Fine" i siad, pretending this was a nuisance, "I want some Cheese Nips."

He presented them to me with a flourish, and we went outside and went to his swingset. We had spent so many hours in this same spot, swinging, a fact i mentioned to him as i munched on my Cheese Nips.

"That's true, but this time is different." he declared, happily.

We talked for ages, about anything and everything, and probably would have kept at it until his mom came home, had it not started raining. Instead of going inside, we retreated to the enclosed fort above the slide. I leaned against the wood wall, and he situated himself next to me. I leaned my head on his chest and was content to sit there listening to his heartbeat and feeling him breathing.

"I'm so, so happy." I murmured softly, not wanting to break the moment with loud vocies.

"Sophie" he whispered, and i scooted back a little so i could look up at him.

He put his arms around me, and then we were kissing. It was the first time our lips had touched since that night in his car, and i was still reveling in the softnessand sweetness of his lips. And how he could kiss me so strongly, but still with tenderness. How his arms around me sent the blood rushing through my veins, and color to my cheeks. How he shivered when i ran my hands through his hair. At the same time that i could never get used to these feelings, i also thought i could. As i abandoned myself to the kiss, a small movement shocked me.

Tentatively, Jon's tongue touched my lips and pulled back, waiting for permission. I ran my hand from where it had been entangled in his hair, and put in on his neck, pulling his mouth deeper onto mine. He took this correctly as a yes. Thrillingly, but also frighteningly, his tongue came back and gently parted my lips. His arms were around me, pulling me close to him, protectively and i knew he would instantly stop if i needed him to.

When at last his tongue touched mine, sensuous chills went through my body. He traced my mouth with his tongue causing enravihsing, irrestible, enchanting feelings unlike any i had ever before felt. I ran my hands from his neck down his chest and up under his shirt. As they glided over his smooth chest, i was delighted to find that Jon had rather impressive stomach muscles. Of which contracted gloriously at my touch. His skin was wonderously warm yet i could feel him shivering from the feel of my hands on such a senstive part of his body. He groaned. I put my hands back around his neck and shoudlers and our kiss deepened.

Things were getting so intense between us that i have to say it was lucky that a loud thunder clap stuck next or else we may have been discovered by his mom, since i was sure nothing quieter would have aroused us. We giggled and ran back into the house through the rain.