From innocent souls being taken away. Why is it that normal doesn’t exist anymore? Can it ever? Did it never exist?
Why? Was it just Our dreams when we slept?...Blood is shed,
Demons are fed.
There are just a few. a Few that are left with the divine power to send the Demons back to the hell mouth.
When will the nightmare end?
Author notes
Stars cloud the sky, the Earth is silnced by a chilling screams of inocent souls being taken away.... Why is it that normal does'nt exist anymore.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Short and kind of to the point - it reads like an introduction to a Buffy episode.
However, the dreadful spelling and the awful grammar doesn't help your cause, I'm afraid.
If you can't see the problems yourself then I'll easily spell them out to you (no pun intended).
Perhaps spacing it out better, almost like a poem in this case, would help to give depth to your prose - at the moment it seems all crushed up, there are just too many ideas in the first paragraph. It would definitely make it easier to read, giving a natural break between the ideas.
Sorry if this comes across a bit heavy handed to you - this can be a lot better than it is.
Respect,
GoNE -
This is very poetic. I sense some symbolism and maybe an experience behind it. With a little bit of editing it'll be awesome!
Smiles,
M.E. -
hmmm...this seems like it could be pretty spooky with some more detail...
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