The sun was setting in the corner of my eye as it did so often. I loved the look of it from that position. It was like a snapshot of the end. How the day would end continuously without hesitation, always on time. The sun setting was unquestionable. Never late, never wrong. When it set all was over for a day no matter how much you wanted to bask in its rays and yearned for its warmth to surround you, caressing your skin with a touch unseen.1
I wanted it to set though. I couldn't wait to see the moon. More beautiful than anything and everything. The way it controlled the waves and dimmed the reflected light from the sun seemed so attracting. I wanted it to always hang high, but that would spoil its presence. It could only really be special if it made me wait.2
The sun was setting in the corner of my eye as it did so often. It was setting alone. My heart weeped for the resemblance between its sorrow and my own. The loneliness that resonated from me was just as strong as the heat from the sun at its peak.3
That time was long ago. It felt like forever in my mind. What had I done in the hours passed that had made the time creep by so slowly? I had thought. What a dangerous thing to do when the sun is out. You waste the time that it shines down upon you only waiting for the moon to take its place.4
I never wanted the moon so much. Why did it have to be that I would sleep through so much of its beauty. That it was so unappreciated, so distant from the world. I wanted that distance, if only for a while.5
The sun was set in the corner of my eye as it did so often.
Author notes
just a free write that i feel became poetic
A contest entry
- Picture inspired by Rosemary.
175 points, ended July 16, 2007, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Fandi Contest I - Options by Asfand.
225 points, ended July 10, 2007, 42 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - don't you love this type of contest? by ohemeegeeay.
475 points, ended August 13, 2007, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This is a very good piece. I like the general atmosphere you create, and the repetition of the first and last line is very effective.
The only problem I had was that some parts were a little too repetitive, and it seemed like you hadn't read it back to yourself and edited it.
However, this was still a great piece, and I liked it a lot.
Thanks for entering, and good luck! -
wow.its beautifully written....i liked it alot!!! thnc for enteirng.........its very poetic and lovely.........gud job!!!
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Nice descriptions
Good writing. Good luck with the contest.
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Really poetic, good powerful words. I liked it. Good luck in the contest!
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It is poetic, and very well written also!
Good job here! A missed masterpiece one might say =)
Well done, as always! =D
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 5.
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