Apologies, Glances and The Story of a Lonely Girl

Prologue:1

I'm sitting here listening to a Lostprophets song that seems to apply to our current situation...well, half of the title does, anyway: 2

Apologies, Glances and Messed Up Chances.3

We've got the glances bit, because that's all you and I seem to do nowadays. You look at me, and I catch you, so you look away until you catch me, and so the game goes on.4

We have definitely got the messed up chances. I mean, when you found out that I liked you last year, you just told me that you didn't like me. Ok. That would have been fine. If I hadn't just been handed a message by the wannabe Cupids, Eroses, Venuses and Aphrodites of our school, a message saying that you have told someone you like me. 5

EXCUSE ME???6

Is there something wrong with this picture or is it just me?7

Part One: 8

Ok, so coming back to this school probably wasn't the best thing I've ever done, but when you've got either one year left, or being forced to resit all your AS levels, you tend to choose the former. Well, I do, anyways. 9

I had spent the entire summer getting over this boy who had stomped all over my heart in his rugby boots and left me there to bleed. (just thought I'd paint the picture for you). 10

So I was pretty happy. I was over this boy, and he had never liked me. And I was walking around the school with myself. I tend to do that a lot. It keeps me awake, and keeps me away from my housemistress.11

By the way, I should probably mention that I'm a boarder at a coed boarding school. Unfortunately (for some) the boys and the girls don't get to live in the same building. The ones with yoohoos get the most flammable building in our county, whereas we get a building that was once the day boys house in the times when it was an all boys school. Which also means we get the furniture in our bedrooms that is left over from the army. And the boys get en suite. Something seems to bug me about this. Especially considering if we wanted beds the size that the boys have we'd have to rebuild the entire girls boarding house. Unfairness much?? I think so.12

Anyway. I was poncing around the school remembering my way around (when I was a new student last year I got lost on my way to the English Department four times in one day. Not that the school is big... there are just about six different ways to get to one place) when I turned the corner, and walked smack bang in to the object of my desires. D. And no, that's not half a smiley face, that's what we all call him, D.13

And my heart ripped itself out of my chest, through my rib cage and made it's way over to him in time for him to step on it once again.14

Bugger.15

He looked as surprised as I felt, then greeted me with his usual grunt. He's not the most articulate of people.16

In fact, last year when we actually used to talk I'd get glares from all of the girls around us. Because D is actually so stunningly gorgeous that they'd be jealous. Especially as he doesn't generally speak to girls. So whereas they'd get a look that completely read "GET LOST" (only he didn't say it that politely) when they tried to speak to him, he and I got in trouble every lesson for talking too much. Now, for a boy who's so shy you look at him and he'll blush (this is an exaggeration, I'm just giving you an idea of how shy he is) that's pretty good. Then he found out that I liked him and the whole relationship got shot to shit.17

Now, as far as he knows, I've only liked him for the Lent and Summer terms... as far as I know, I've liked him ever since my first day here last year. Thing is, he stole my French prep (public school jargon for homework), and refused to give it back to me, so I got pissed off and set a teacher on him. We laughed about it the next day, but I was annoyed with him for the rest of the term and told people I liked a different guy until that blew up in my face.... and yes, I did learn that lesson... don't pretend you like someone, because if the entire school finds out, it ain't gonna be pretty.18

But whatever. That was last year, this is this year, although, because of this walking in to him incident, I may end up telling the world bits of what happened last year.19

Maybe a description of said D is in order?20

Well, he's taller than me, which is definitely a plus, and he's still taller than me when I wear heels. He has a shaved head, but not like a total skinhead look, then he'd just look stupid. He has hair, it's just pretty short, and brown. He definitely has a beautiful smile. I mean when he really smiles. Sometimes he does this thing I refer to as his pixie smile, which is his "I'm mocking you" smile, which he doesn't do at very many people. When he really smiles, especially at me, it's like "Give me a chair before I collapse". But that could just be me. And his eyes. I asked a friend, Anna, what she saw in his eyes, and she said that she felt like she could fall in to them. I smiled, because that made me both happy and sad. I actually DO fall in to his eyes, which is quite a feat since he totally doesn't like me. His eyes are brown, a totally beautiful shade of brown. 21

Part Two:22

So, French class. We have two teachers for French, and one of them is actually cool, whereas I am a total bitch to the other... which I probably shouldn't be, but he provokes me:
I was sitting there, and he said to everyone that he'd seen me shooting admiring glances at D. Ok, sure. I really had been, but the teacher announced it to the class. Rhymes with BANKER!!!!!!! D turned to me with a kind of merher smile, and I said, "What do I need him for? I have Andy."
Andy is my sister's friend from Uni, and he is totally gorgeous. But never as gorgeous as D, who is just, in my book, BEYOND. My friend Ju Ju (which is what I call her) agrees with me in thinking that he's fit, and my friend Polly has a fixation with his arms. Well, his forearms to be specific. He has really nice forearms. Oh God girl, shut up!
Luckily, there is a new male gap student down in the Junior school, so I've managed to fake an affection for him, while admiring my true object of desire from afar. God forbid any other girl get to him first.