Morvian

Chapter 11

Cherry walked slowly to school, her head bowed so that her strawberry-blonde curls covered her face. A single tear dripped from her large amber eyes. Suddenly she heard footsteps behind her, and hurriedly wiped her face with the back of her hand. A cheerful face appeared beside her. “Leave me alone Gordon, I’m not in the mood” she snapped angrily.2

“Aww poor widdle Cherry is having a wee widdle tantrum” Gordon taunted, bouncing along beside her. Cherry opened her mouth to tell him to shut up; she slipped in a puddle, and fell face first in the mud. Spluttering, she propped herself up on her elbows, spitting out a mouthful of muddy water, looked at herself and she noticed that she was soaked. She could hear Gordon laughing manically above her so she swung her leg at his feet, so he joined her in the mud. 3

Cherry got up, trying to get as much mud off as she could, and glared at the spluttering Gordon and he glared back. Suddenly she noticed that they somewhere else other than a school...they were in a forest with no buildings in sight, “Where the hell are we?” She asked irritably. 4

All around them tall thick pine trees. “Toto, I don’t think we are in Kansas anymore” joked Gordon. Cherry gave him her best ‘Spawn of satan glare. “Haha” she replied dryly “But this hardly the time or place!” Gordon shrugged, “Sorry” he apologized, “just trying to make the best of a bad situation is all.”
Cherry sighed “I know” she said softly “but in case you hadn’t noticed we’re in the middle of nowhere,”  
Gordon glanced around them before replying “well we can’t be too far from civilisation” he assured her “why don’t we take a look around?”
Cherry shook her head, her strawberry blonde curls bouncing around. “When you’re lost, you’re supposed to stay put” she argued.
“Well then you stay here” Gordon called over his shoulder, walking off. Cherry stayed where she was watching Gordon disappear through the pine trees. Suddenly she whirled around, hearing a noise behind her. She caught a glimpse at something big. She started to back away and as she did, she tripped backwards and landed on the dirty ground. She was very frightened; her heart going million miles an hour . . . the mysterious thing was a fire breathing dragon! It walked very slowly towards Cherry. Without a seconds thought she leapt up and spun on her heel, she sprinted after Gordon into the forest. “GOOORD-OOON!” She screamed.
Gordon turned to see Cherry chasing after him and grinned smugly. When she caught up, he asked “What’s the matter?” his tone was taunting “Cherry scared of the big nasty forest?” Cherry glared at him. “No” she snapped, “Cherry got scared of the big nasty dragon!” She watched smugly as his grin slid off his face. “C-come again?” he stuttered.
“I saw a dragon! A n-nasty d-dragon” she stuttered as well. Gordon just stared at her for ages then glanced around the forest then he noticed something. “Um . . . Ch-Cherry?!” Gordon asked timidly.
“Yes? . . . Gordon? Oh what is the matter with you?” Cherry asked irritably, she looked in the same direction he was to see what he was looking at and she saw it. The same dragon she had seen a few moments ago but there were other dragons with them but the others stayed in behind the trees.
“Do you think we should attempt to escape?” cherry whispered, Gordon just looked at her like she just slapped him on the face, “Are you mad?” he whispered back angrily “It will only make it worse!” All of a sudden they heard a voice out of no where. “Greetings, Welcome to Morviarn.” Both Cherry and Gordon looked like they had just seen a ghost. “Who is it?” Gordon yelled out.
“Who-who are you?” Cherry stuttered, “Where are you?”
They both looked around. “It is I, Tunison” the voice replied and stepped forth, a regal - looking red dragon with sparkling gold eyes and claws.
“Pinch me” whispered Cherry, “OW! I didn’t mean it” she glared at Gordon, rubbing her arm. He shrugged, grinning “at least you know your not dreaming”
“Of course I’m not dreaming” snapped Cherry, “If I was dreaming, you wouldn’t be here. This is more like a horrid nightmare”
Gordon looked hurt, but before he could reply, the dragon spoke again, “Silence” he commanded. His voice was deep and calm, and he spoke with authority “there is no time for bickering now, you are needed elsewhere.”5


Chapter 36

They glanced at each other, then said in unison “What do you mean?” A flicker of impatience could be seen in the dragons eyes, and yet his voice was calm when he replied, “I mean what I said and I said what I mean”
Gordon looked confused, but Cherry shrugged, replying “okay, so where are we needed and what for?”
The dragon nodded his approval, ‘at last, a human with some sense’ the dragon thought. Gordon’s eyes were glazed, his face still looking confused. After giving Gordon an annoying glance, he turned back to Cherry “You are needed in Morvian.” He glanced up at the sky, it was late, “and you are needed there now as we are already running late” he looked to be mulling over something before he continued, “quickly, you must climb on my back, it will be faster in the air than on foot” he turned to the side, kneeling down, so that it might be easier for them to climb on, Cherry gave Gordon an impatient shove “come on” she called, running to the dragon and climbing onto its back, Gordon reluctantly followed, he had never been one for heights. The dragon turned around without warning leapt into the air. Two massive wings appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, and suddenly they were airborne. Gordon let out a girlish scream, flinging his arms around Cherry waist. Cherry held onto one of the dragon’s spikes and glared back at Gordon over her Shoulder. He was such a pansy. Cherry hesitated, then yelled, “Excuse me! . . . YOUR HANDS!!”
“SORRY!” he only just managed to yell out before removing his hands from her waist. It took a while before they got to Morvian. Then they saw the best bit of all, the view of Morvian which was magnificent.
Both Cherry and Gordon pointed out the mythical creatures. “Look, a unicorn!” she yelled excitedly, “I didn’t think they existed!”
“Of course you would think that” Tunison suddenly spoke, “they are forbidden from entering your world, to us it’s the ‘Human World’. If they do they have answer to me! I am one of the guardians of Morvian.” Cherry took a second to digest this information before asking “How many guardians are there?” she waited while the dragon twisted to avoid a flock of birds. Once they were flying steady again (Gordon was rather paler), he replied “there are seven of us, and our duty is to protect Morvian and its secrets from those who would use its resources for evil”
Tunison landed on the dirty ground with a thud, he leaned he turned to the side, kneeling down to allow the two humans to get off. After they were off the giant dragons back, they noticed that were other dragons coming out of the trees to see what was happening, they know that is was forbidden to let humans into their world, they saw the guardian dragon with them. One dragon stepped forward, he had a mixture of blue and purple scales with green scales underneath his body, his horns was big and they looked sharp so I wouldn’t want to mess with him. He had a what-have-we-got-here expression on his face “who are they?” he asked curiously, his face all of a sudden brightened up, “are they prisoners?”
“No, they are not prisoners, my friend. They are very special, Vouron .” Tunison replied calmly. 7

Chapter 48

Vouron narrowed his dark eyes.
“In what way are these scrawny humans special?” he asked suspiciously, Gordon looked hurt and Cherry grinned. She pinched his thin arm. Silently taunting him about his lack of muscle.He glared at her, rubbing his arm, before turning to Tunison to wait for his answer, curious to know how they were special.
Tunison looked to be considering something, then spoke in his deep, calm voice “they are destined to save Morvian from that threatens to plague it.”
Cherry watched with mild curiosity as the jaws of everyone in the clearing, excluding Tunison and herself, hit the ground. Gordon looked like a goldfish with his mouth opening and closing like that. She giggled, and was slightly surprised when he found his voice “and you know this, how?” he asked cautiously. Tunison’s eyes sparkled, “I know many things” he replied calmly, “After all, I am a guardian.”
Another dragon stepped forward and spoke. It appeared to be a female with shimmering aqua scales and lemon yellow eyes. Her voice was calm, low and husky, but her eyes sparkled. Cherry liked her instantly.
“Children” she addressed them “My name is Belinda, you must be tired, is there anything that you wish for?”
“No thankyou” Cherry replied, then grinned. Gordon glared at her. Then he spoke, “Could we have a look around um . . . morbi . . . morbiarn, no that’s not it, um . . . morli . . . morvi . . . what is this world called again?” he asked.
“Morvian, this world is called Morvian.” Tunison replied as he sat on the ground.
“That’s right. Morvian. Well anyway, can we have a look around Morvian?”
Tunison thought for a moment then sighed as he spoke, “Very well” then he had an ‘I-have-an-idea’ expression on his face, he turned to Vouron, they chatted for a moment then turned and spoke in his deep, calm voice, “Me and Vouron had a little talk. We have decided to let Pheobe to go with you”
Gordon wondered, “Who is Phoebe?” The dragon had his annoyed and impatience look on his scaly face. “Phoebe is a phoenix . . . Cherry, do you like unicorns?” he asked. Cherry looked surprised that he asked her and she wondered why he asked, “Yes, they are my favourite mythical creature . . . why?” Cherry asked curiously.
“That will do well” Tunison said to himself. Then he turned to the humans and spoke once again, “Sasha will also go with you . . . and before you ask, Gordon, Sasha is a beautiful unicorn.” Tunison turned to Vouron, “My friend, go fetch Sasha the unicorn and Phoebe the phoenix.” Vouron obeyed and soared into the air to fetch the creatures.As they waited for Sasha and Phoebe, Cherry and Gordon started to ask questions because they wanted some answers.
“Tunison?” Cherry asked in a childish way.
“Yes, Cherry?” Tunison replied in his normal, calm, deep voice. Cherry was stunned, ‘He knows my name!’, “H-how do you kn-know my n-name?” Cherry stuttered. He answered without hesitation, “like I said before, I am a guardian, I know many things.”
Cherry wanted to ask millions of questions but before she could ask, she was interrupted by Gordon’s as he asked his question, “What is the meaning of life?” he asked curiously. Cherry rolled her eyes but Tunison’s golden ones sparkled mischievously, “Forty Two” he replied, a smile tugging at his scaly lips, Cherry giggled as Gordon looked confused, but was interrupted as the creatures arrived.9

Chapter 510

A shining white unicorn, with aqua blue eyes and horn appeared from the trees. She was closely followed by a large eagle, swan like bird, with beautiful red/gold plumage. The soft beating of her magnificent wings as she hovered above the unicorn were the only sounds in the clearing. Gordon’s jaw was scrapping the ground again, stray bits of dark hair falling into his mouth. The silence that hung like a veil upon them was soon broken by a soft voice, coming from the unicorn, “Hullo” she said quietly, sounding rather shy, “My name is Sasha, and this is Phoebe” she flicked her head towards the phoenix causing her mane to shimmer and flicker in the light, like a cascading waterfall. Cherry gave an widible gasp of delight, “WOW!” she exclaimed, running up to the pair, “you two are beautiful!” Cherry could imagine Sasha would have blushed, had she been capable of doing so. Gordon finally managed to close his mouth, and was admiring the Phoenix, Phoebe. She caught his gaze and smiled. Um . . . can birds smile? Anyway, she trilled in a high, sweet voice, “It is a pleasure to meet your acquaintance” she dipped her head slightly to each of the children in turn, Tunison clucked his tongue impatiently, “come now, we will give you a quick tour, then we must set to work straight away, time is precious and little”
Gordon and Cherry glanced at each other and smiled as the tour began. Cherry climbed onto Sasha’s back, and was escorted across the country side at high speed, Sasha showed her how to find her way around in the forest, what to do if she got lost, the different of plants and animals, what was edible and what wasn’t. and the list went on.
Meanwhile, Gordon had been grasped firmly by the shoulders, in Phoebe’s large, strong talons, and was flown over the forest, mountain and meadow. Despite Phoebe’s talons being about the length of Gordon’s hand, not a mark was left on him as he was shown the different landmarks, land forms, where to go if there was a raid, fire or blizzard, where to find water in the dry summers, and as with Cherry’s touring, the list went on.
Cherry noticed that there was a house that had a dark, evil look. Dead tree’s surrounded it; the land around the house looked lifeless.
“Who lives in that house over there?” Cherry asked curiously. Sasha glanced at the house before answering quietly, “That is the house of the witch Jazmyn” she paused before continuing, “The high King Matthias banished her there, when she claimed to be more powerful than him and she when she tried to take over the thrown”
Cherry gasped, “you have a king?” she asked dumb founded, “Why didn’t you tell me before?”
Sasha replied simply with a horses equivalence of a shrug, “we actually have several, one for each region, but the High King Matthias rules over them all, he is handsome, powerful and wise, and learned in the ways of the elementals"
Cherry was puzzled, "elementals?" she questioned curiously
"Yes" replied Sasha simply, "They are the powers granted to the High King Matthius at Birth. They allow him to control the forces of nature. The lower king of each region has the control over one of the elemnts...Water, Air, Fire, Earth, stone, Ice and Light" Cherry was silent this time, her brow slightly furrowed as she was deep in thought11

After an hour or so Cherry & Gordon had seen most of the country side. Cherry, Sasha, Gordon and Phoebe met at the place they had originally been before starting their miniture tour, "Can you two excuse me and Phoebe for a moment?" Sasha asked kindly

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • Infectious Insanity
    November 12, 2007
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    good story but it seems to be half a story.
    it was a good first chapter, short and sweet, but then the next chapters bored me a little...but still good. if you were to enter chapter 1 as a suspenseful prologue i think it would have more impact.
    however, good idea and good luck!

    *sheep*


  • Rini
    September 21, 2007

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    "We have decided to let Pheobe to go with you” take out the extra 'to'.

    "widible gasp of delight" I don't know what widible means but I think you may mean audible?

    “It is a pleasure to meet your acquaintance” it's usually make your acquaintance.

    "the different of plants and animals" either take out the of, or add "types" of.

    "when she claimed to be more powerful than him and she when she tried to take over the thrown" you have one too many "she"'s. take out the one right after and.

    The story was good and it sounded interesting but it could use a bit of maintenance. spelling and such. that's all I noticed but I may have missed some.

    For my contest however I asked that stories not have been entered into too many contests. let some people in with 6 or 8 but yours has been in over ten, so it goes against one of my rules. I'm sorry. If you have anything else you want to enter instead. I'd love to read it.


  • asthray.heart
    June 20, 2007

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    Like MDavid said you left half a story. I like whole ones.

    Thanks for entering and goodluck.

    Lady Madeline.

  • MDavid
    May 5, 2007

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    You story has been entered into many contests and I hope you did well. My contest requires that you impress - me. I made a committment to read your story, and 2,300 words later I find that what you've entered is half a story or maybe even less than that. So the best I can say is I am half impressed with your story, but half will probably not be good enough to win. If you should finish it for this contest - which I hope you do, I would also mention to you that there are numerous errors and you have problems with past tense and present tense etc. You should check it or have some one look it over to catch these.

    It did not stop me from enjoying your story but with the errors not fixed I doubt it could take the gold. Good luck.

    beginning: 1, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 1, dialog: 3, characters: 3.


  • Kari gold member
    April 22, 2007

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    I must say that all of the details in this story where very good. I wish u the best of luck in the contest.
    Kari

  • Kitzwa
    April 7, 2007

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    The only thing I have to say is your chapters are really short. Also, I would suggest putting an extra space between paragraphs when you post. It will make it a little easier to read.


  • The Cube
    March 15, 2007

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    Very Very Good Story!

    This was a very entertaining story here. i very much enjoyed reading it. By the way, thanks for entering the contest of Beyond The Fantasy.

    As for your story, I do see that there should be more descriptions of things, such as the characters and landscape.

    Details is another thing also. You should really give us more of a vivid image of the forest they were in and what not.

    Other than that, this was a VERY good story. Good luck to you in the contests!


  • Loonamist
    December 5, 2006
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    Very nice! I like it, it's a very good story!


  • darklade
    December 5, 2006
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    Ithink that it was really good espically the beginning of chapter five. But I noticed quite a few spelling errors but there was a lot of discription and it was very good that way. And it was unpredectable. But it really didn't end very well.

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.

  • darklade
    December 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Ithink that it was really good espically the beginning of chapter five. But I noticed quite a few spelling errors but there was a lot of discription and it was very good that way. And it was unpredectable. But it really didn't end very well.

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.


  • December 5, 2006
    Edit | Reply

    Nice start!

    I liked the start of it... It kept me glued to the story and made me want to read more of it... Haha!

    There should definantly be a second part to this!

    I loved the description in the first paragraph....
    Keep up the good work!

    -Emily

    beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 3.


  • benfieto00
    December 4, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    Nice Stor


  • Token Massacre silver member
    November 29, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    breaking up the conversation in the paragraphs puts emphasis on who's talking and make it easier to follow.
    You don't give much description of Cherry or Gordon, so it's difficult to identify with them as we don't even know their approximate ages.
    It's an interesting story idea and I hope you're able to take the time to expand on this. Good start and thanks for taking the time to share it.


  • TheLittleOne-Paul
    November 27, 2006

    Edit | Reply

    Good character and scene descriptions and movements from scene to scene

    Hi Benfieto;

    Hello and welcome to SW! If you ever need anything just come talk to me. If you need help immediately please feel free to instant message me.

    Now for your story! I think you have a good story started here. There seems to be a good theme to your story. It looks like you have a good story idea that has a lot of potential to be developed further. There does seem to be a need to use more descriptive information and detailing to help to better tell your story and give the reader more information to make the reader more excited about your story.

    I think you demonstrate a natural knack for writing and your story seems to flow nicely and can be read by the reader at a nice reading pace. You should make as much use as you can of spelling and grammar software on your personal computer system to always make your stories look polished and professional and to ensure there are no spelling or grammar problems in your stories.

    It is always a good idea for new members to consider writing a story to be submitted into the New Members Monthly Writing Contest. This contest is featured on the front page of the site which is seen by all members when they login to the site. While this is usually restricted to the month during which you joined, if you put in the effort to write a story for the contest and you do not meet this requirement I would be glad to make a special exception to allow you to make an entry into this contest. Just send me an instant message and I am sure we can get you into the contest.

    It is also a good idea for new members to consider reading and reviewing a number of very excellent information columns that have been written on wide range of topics that can sometimes be confusing to new members. Access to these columns can be accomplished through the main page of the site when you first login and can be found to the left of your screen under community news.

    Good work and again welcome to SW!

    Paul


  • Violet Moodswing Greeters member
    November 27, 2006

    Edit | Reply
    Ooo, i like your transition between chapter 1 and 2 or between reality and fantasy if you will It has the feel of Alice in wonderland which spurs a bit of familiarity but in a unique way.

    I also love the contrast of Gordon's sense of humor with Cherry's serious nature.

    I think that civilization is mispelled but I am not sure. Perhaps I spell it wrong, but you might want to check it out.

    Your story has really caught my attention. It is well done and moves smoothly from scene to scene. I am looking forward to the following chapters.

    Keep writing--and if you remember let me know when you add more to this one.

    Welcome to StoryWrite

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • k3nny silver member
    November 27, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    well, it is a nice start.
    I'd just like you to describe more of the surroundings, of the reactions of the characters and more depth in their emotions.
    Otherwise, it is really a nice little story. The conversation seems okay.
    Nice try and Happy Writing!

    ~Kenny~

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