The curled, childish figure encased in bleeding white, fluffy angel wings sits in the shadows of a cave. She has fallen from heaven and it hurt, hurt so much. Her angelic wings were bleeding and fractured from the fall, but how could she find a way out? Everything is black and miserable, smothered in depression. The aftershock is wearing off, but she is still so lost after all those years of falling.1
A pinpoint of pure bliss hits her forehead and she looks up. Trancelike and with growing joy, she follows the light to the edge of the cave where the beam leads to heaven. She spreads her wings and flies, beating them as quickly as they would go, back home.2
Now she's older and back in the cave again. This time she won't be going back though. Her wings were broken and bones shattered upon impact to the heartless black void below. She sobs, alone and forgotten, in a tight ball, hoping someone will come by. There is no pinpoint light to save her. This time she's all on her own.
Author notes
This is how I chose my name.
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Comments
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Nice idea but I felt there needed to be more details. The story is too short and not much is said about the fallen angel. You could elaborate more about it and add more feelings and emotion. How did the child feel after falling form Heaven? You made a big jump from being a child to when she gets older. Progress time slowly or at least make the transition smoother. You have a good start to this but it just needs a little more work.
beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 2.
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