Sander lay on the fresh grass, looking up at the glass dome covering the entire city. He could just barely see the blue sky through the glass. He rolled over on his stomach, placing his face in the ground.
His bow and arrow lay beside him, waiting to be used once again. He mumbled something into the ground. Turning over again, his thoughts turned to tomorrow. It was his fifteenth birthday, and he couldn't wait. He would finally be able to go hunting with the others.
After turning around so much his lightweight white shirt was beginning to turn green from grass stains, luckily his leather vest was safe. Sander couldn't get comfortable. He kept rolling around and trying to find a good place. Finally he decided to climb the tree right beside him and rested on a branch. 'Why hadn't I thought of this sooner?' He thought, relaxing in the cool shade of the swaying leaves above him.
He always felt more comfortable off the ground. Climbing just came natural to him. His dad told him that he had learned to climb before he learned to walk.
Just then Laheek came over and looked up into the tree.
"Sander, what are you doing? Shouldn't you be in the Hall?"
"Which one?" Sander asked lazily, not really caring. Laheek sighed. He acted like Sanders older brother, but they where really the same age. 'Is Sander ready for tomorrow?' Laheek worried.
"You know which one. The Battle Hall." Laheek said wearily.
"Oh right. Yeah, no I don't think...Wait, the Battle Hall?" Sander suddenly sat up. He hadn't heard it was the Battle Hall, he thought it was some other Hall since they had a lot. Elves tend to have a lot of Halls. He jumped down from the tree and put his bow and arrows on his back.
"Yeah, your dad wanted to talk to you about tomorrow." Laheek said, brushing back his light brown hair. He felt his pointy ears as he brushed past them. His dark brown eyes watched his best friend start running towards the Battle Hall. He turned and fallowed, shaking his head.
Sander jogged ahead, dodging around the trees and jumping over the bushes to get there faster, trying to avoid ripping his light silk brown pants. He had never been allowed in the Battle Hall. His father, the head of the Zahlees, wanted him to come to the Battle Hall! His blue eyes shinned like the ocean he had never seen, none of the young elves had.
He jumped one final bush and through a window and found himself in a corroder leading to the Battle Hall. He turned and ran down to find the huge wood doors. Elegant designs were etched into both doors, and lost Elfin language words where carved above the arch, twisting and winding in their own meaning that only royal members could understand. Sander hadn't learned to read it yet, but his dad had told him that it spoke of the beginning of their elfin tribe, of the battle in 1792.
Sander stopped and looked up at the doors. He remembered back to when he was little.
"Can I go in with you daddy?" A young five-year-old Sander asked.
"No, your not old enough, and don't use such a baby word as 'daddy', if you must, refer to me as farther."
"Yes farther." Sander replied, put down. This was nothing new, having a father that was the head of the entire Elf city Sander was always expected to be more mature then everyone else his age. Instead he was pushed the other way and always acted like a loose clown.
Sander pushed open the wood doors and walked inside. About six men and seven women where gathered around a large wood table. They all looked up when Sander interred. He blushed slightly from all the stares.
"So Laheek found you and told you that you where late?" His father replied with a tone of disapproval.
"Um, yes, sir." Sander replied, hanging his head.
"Very well, come here Sander." Sander walked over to where his father was leaning on the table. His farther was wearing his usual royal black robe with a blue shirt and pants underneath. Glittering around his waste was a golden belt that held the royal sword.
There was a map and folder on the table. Sander glanced at the map, not taking in the folders presence. It showed the forests out side the dome of their city. Green blotches covered almost the entire map. In the bottom left corner showed a large light blue circle; the dome they all lived in. At almost the very top a long red line crossed the paper. This was Blood River, where the battle had been held for the land they all lived on now.
A few thousand years ago the elves and Centaur had battled over the land, right by that river. The land around the river and the river itself is said to be cursed, so all the elves avoid it while hunting. The river sticks to its name and flows with but not water, but blood.
"As you know you will come hunting with us tomorrow. As my son, however, you must know the land previously. You must memorize all these maps and papers by tomorrow night, when we head out for the hunt. Your friend is also joining us." Sander looked at the folder his dad had handed him. It was at least an inch thick. He couldn't believe this! He was supposed to memorize all of these?
"What? But Laheek isn't fifteen yet!" This day wasn't going as well as Sander had hoped.
"No, but we believe he will be able to help you and is quite capable of going." This was so unfair! Sander gritted his teeth.
"I bet you'd rather have him as a son." Sander muttered bitterly under his breath.
"What was that?" His farther quickly turned to him, a fierce look in his ice-cold eyes.
"Nothing, sir." Sander replied thickly. He wanted to say "none of your business", but new better of it.
"Very well, off you go to memorize. And you should most likely go to the master library and study what creatures there are out there." His father said, shooing Sander off. Sander turned and stormed out. He barely heard Sarleen, one of the main counsel women, say to his farther "perhaps you are asking to much of the boy, he is only fifteen." "He should be able to handle this by now if he is to take over after me. His failure is of his own fault, he should be trying more." His father replied flatly. Sander turned and strode down the corridor. He vowed from then on, he'd show his father what he was worth...
His bow and arrow lay beside him, waiting to be used once again. He mumbled something into the ground. Turning over again, his thoughts turned to tomorrow. It was his fifteenth birthday, and he couldn't wait. He would finally be able to go hunting with the others.
After turning around so much his lightweight white shirt was beginning to turn green from grass stains, luckily his leather vest was safe. Sander couldn't get comfortable. He kept rolling around and trying to find a good place. Finally he decided to climb the tree right beside him and rested on a branch. 'Why hadn't I thought of this sooner?' He thought, relaxing in the cool shade of the swaying leaves above him.
He always felt more comfortable off the ground. Climbing just came natural to him. His dad told him that he had learned to climb before he learned to walk.
Just then Laheek came over and looked up into the tree.
"Sander, what are you doing? Shouldn't you be in the Hall?"
"Which one?" Sander asked lazily, not really caring. Laheek sighed. He acted like Sanders older brother, but they where really the same age. 'Is Sander ready for tomorrow?' Laheek worried.
"You know which one. The Battle Hall." Laheek said wearily.
"Oh right. Yeah, no I don't think...Wait, the Battle Hall?" Sander suddenly sat up. He hadn't heard it was the Battle Hall, he thought it was some other Hall since they had a lot. Elves tend to have a lot of Halls. He jumped down from the tree and put his bow and arrows on his back.
"Yeah, your dad wanted to talk to you about tomorrow." Laheek said, brushing back his light brown hair. He felt his pointy ears as he brushed past them. His dark brown eyes watched his best friend start running towards the Battle Hall. He turned and fallowed, shaking his head.
Sander jogged ahead, dodging around the trees and jumping over the bushes to get there faster, trying to avoid ripping his light silk brown pants. He had never been allowed in the Battle Hall. His father, the head of the Zahlees, wanted him to come to the Battle Hall! His blue eyes shinned like the ocean he had never seen, none of the young elves had.
He jumped one final bush and through a window and found himself in a corroder leading to the Battle Hall. He turned and ran down to find the huge wood doors. Elegant designs were etched into both doors, and lost Elfin language words where carved above the arch, twisting and winding in their own meaning that only royal members could understand. Sander hadn't learned to read it yet, but his dad had told him that it spoke of the beginning of their elfin tribe, of the battle in 1792.
Sander stopped and looked up at the doors. He remembered back to when he was little.
"Can I go in with you daddy?" A young five-year-old Sander asked.
"No, your not old enough, and don't use such a baby word as 'daddy', if you must, refer to me as farther."
"Yes farther." Sander replied, put down. This was nothing new, having a father that was the head of the entire Elf city Sander was always expected to be more mature then everyone else his age. Instead he was pushed the other way and always acted like a loose clown.
Sander pushed open the wood doors and walked inside. About six men and seven women where gathered around a large wood table. They all looked up when Sander interred. He blushed slightly from all the stares.
"So Laheek found you and told you that you where late?" His father replied with a tone of disapproval.
"Um, yes, sir." Sander replied, hanging his head.
"Very well, come here Sander." Sander walked over to where his father was leaning on the table. His farther was wearing his usual royal black robe with a blue shirt and pants underneath. Glittering around his waste was a golden belt that held the royal sword.
There was a map and folder on the table. Sander glanced at the map, not taking in the folders presence. It showed the forests out side the dome of their city. Green blotches covered almost the entire map. In the bottom left corner showed a large light blue circle; the dome they all lived in. At almost the very top a long red line crossed the paper. This was Blood River, where the battle had been held for the land they all lived on now.
A few thousand years ago the elves and Centaur had battled over the land, right by that river. The land around the river and the river itself is said to be cursed, so all the elves avoid it while hunting. The river sticks to its name and flows with but not water, but blood.
"As you know you will come hunting with us tomorrow. As my son, however, you must know the land previously. You must memorize all these maps and papers by tomorrow night, when we head out for the hunt. Your friend is also joining us." Sander looked at the folder his dad had handed him. It was at least an inch thick. He couldn't believe this! He was supposed to memorize all of these?
"What? But Laheek isn't fifteen yet!" This day wasn't going as well as Sander had hoped.
"No, but we believe he will be able to help you and is quite capable of going." This was so unfair! Sander gritted his teeth.
"I bet you'd rather have him as a son." Sander muttered bitterly under his breath.
"What was that?" His farther quickly turned to him, a fierce look in his ice-cold eyes.
"Nothing, sir." Sander replied thickly. He wanted to say "none of your business", but new better of it.
"Very well, off you go to memorize. And you should most likely go to the master library and study what creatures there are out there." His father said, shooing Sander off. Sander turned and stormed out. He barely heard Sarleen, one of the main counsel women, say to his farther "perhaps you are asking to much of the boy, he is only fifteen." "He should be able to handle this by now if he is to take over after me. His failure is of his own fault, he should be trying more." His father replied flatly. Sander turned and strode down the corridor. He vowed from then on, he'd show his father what he was worth...
Author notes
My very first fantasy! Hurray! Anyway I'll add some more chapters later...
A contest entry
- anything by LostSoulOfRage.
600 points, ended December 4, 2006, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
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Uh yeah my first fantasy, how was it? It's just the first chapter though.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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already commented
i luv this one (= -
I love it. I hope there really is going to be more of this. It's a great start. And I believe you want "followed" instead of "fallowed" here: "He turned and fallowed, shaking his head."
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I really liked it. That's a great cliff hanger at the end. I LOVE it.Thank you for entering my contest!
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oooo
intriguing. i want more!!!
im off to check if yuo've written more..good job
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Just one thing that made me snigger... Your male parent is your father not your farther... It doesn't make much on it's own, but if it has a follow on, it will be great!
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
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A good story but I know i would like to see discreption, also I found what I think to be a spelling mistake. "interred" should it be "entered" if i am wrong ust ignore me

Good job
Penny -
hmm, as said by others, it is a good start.
i believe that you can work more on this however. what i would recomend is to add more detail more description. i also advice to add more..there is so much more that u can add to make it a stronger begining. maybe u can work on the flow of the story(and dont worry, i have MAJOR problems here
)
either way, it was a good begining and you can make it much better
josh
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first thnx for entering the contest.
okay this is very good, i love it. a very good start. i love the story line, u should defanantly continue with this, it could turn out to be a very good story i think. i loved the way u showed the emotions of the boy toward his father. it made the story better, anyways good luck and keep up the great work. good job. keep me posted on this story pz, its really good.

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Good start!
This is a good start to a story. I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for the read. Keep up the good work!
beginning: 4, plot: 3, ending: 4, characters: 3.
1 - 9 of 9







